Disappointed with support social worker.

[Fostermummy1]

We had a foster girl for a year before she went to live with her Dad,this was a dad that she had never met before. At one point it was looking like adoption,in which case we were going to try and adopt her,but then a DNA test proved who the father was. Anyway dad told us how he would like to keep in touch and social worker proposed contact for us at christmas and birthday. Once she was placed with dad he changed his mind and decided he did not want us to have contact with her. I can understand his views but after being told we would have contact I have found it hard,when she left I didn't expect that to be the last time I saw us. I asked my social worker to see if she could get in touch with the child's social worker to see if we can have a final goodbye contact. She won't help us,says dad has made the decision for her not to see us. It's so tough on foster carers,I know that is what we do,we look after them until a forever home is found,but the support for myself as a foster carer when you have let a child go is very poor in my case,from my worker.

are you sure its that she won't help you rather than she can't help you? She can't force the dad to give you contact.

Social workers are not counsellors, its her job to make sure you are supported whilst you have a child with you, as much as you/ she may want to be she can't be a shoulder to cry on long term.

What support do you think she should have given you?

Unfortunately in my experience LOTS of the people our children move on to, be that adoptive parent, back to birth parents, or to a relative, promise to keep in touch. Most of them don't.

If it was my first placement I'd expect a bit of support from my social worker, but after that I sought support from friends, family and other foster carers. I'm not sure I'd WANT that much from my SSW really - she doesn't have the same first hand experience of the pain that comes with moving a child on that other foster carers do.

It must be very hard for you as you were considering adopting the little girl yourself - I think at that point your SSW should have been flagging up that you might need linking with another foster carer for support when the time came for the little girl to move.