We really want to foster but my DH has a few issues

[jemjelly]

Do you think we would be able to foster?

I work part-time during school hours whilst our DD (aged 6) is at school so my DH would presumably have to be the main carer though we both want to be involved in fostering.

My DH was an electrician but has been out of work for the past 18 months since he was made redundant. During this time he has suffered from depression because he has been unable to find work and he develped an OCD which involves washing his hands and clothes a lot, however the OCD and the depression is under control with medication (floxotine) now and he is generally happy and relaxed, he is a great father to our DD (much more patient than me) and has time to devote to a foster child.

Do you think we would be turned down to foster because of my DH OCD?

Does anyone here foster with a young child of their own, do they cope with it okay. My DD is only 6 but she is very loving and confident and I think she would enjoy the company of other children and would help them feel at home. However I have been reading other posts on these boards and realise that some foster children arrive very damaged which has worried me, obviously I want to put the needs of my DD first.

I have not contacted any agencies yet, partly because I am worried they will take one look at my DH medical records and turn us down and I don't want to dash our hopes. Stupid I know.....

Are you near the border of a county? My friend found much better responses in Somerset than Wiltshire regarding working.

They often have open days where you can just go and ask questions.

You won't know until you try!

Thanks, We live in the West Midlands, near Wolverhampton.

I know I need to just bite the bullet (so to speak) and ring my LA. I am just scared they will turn us down, are LA more likely to accept than private agencies?

You have nothing to lose by picking up the phone and saying ' we are interested in fostering but my husband has suffered from depression recently however this is fully under control now - would it be worth our while applying ? ' and my bet is that you'll be encouraged to apply.

He's been unwell. To wouldn't think twice about applying if he'd had a broken leg, for example , or a stomach problem. This really is just an illness that's been successfully treated and I'd approach it with that attitude.

Good luck to you both

I wouldn't say that it would definitely rule you out. Your husband (and all foster carers) would have to undergo a medical. As the Illness is quite recent I wonder whether they may recommend waiting a little while. Your social worker would explore the effect of the illness with your husband and assess whether they think he is capable of meeting the needs of a potentially demanding and emotionally damaged child. In my la they recognise that carers who have been through difficult times can find it easier to empathise with and support children going through difficulties.

I can't really give personal advice about fostering with young children but I have many friends who do it. Sometimes it works really well and other times not so well. You would have to expect some level of disruption to your home and family.

Good luck. I think the only way you will know for sure is to give them a ring.

My DH no longers suffers from the depression but he does still take fluxotine for the OCD, the OCD does not interfer with out lives, it just takes him a little longer to get ready to leave the house than everyone else and means I have to buy a lot of soap and washing powder.

I don't work Friday's so I am going to ring our LA tomorrow and see what they say, theres no sense putting this off, I need to know if fostering is a pipe dream or if we can be considered. Thanks for your advice. x

I agree with hbr - fostering can be very stressful and if your DH has been so recently depressed the LA may well want to ensure that more time has elapsed between his mental illness and your application. This is to protect you as much as anything else, though of course the child's needs are of vital importance.

I was a bit concerned that you are worried about "children arriving who are emotionally damaged" - this is true to a greater or lesser extent of all children needing foster care. The effects of the abuse/neglect they have received with their birthparents/step parents which will have necessitated their removal from home, is going to manifest itself somehow or another. Children don't leave their "emotional damage" at your doorstep, and carers need to be able to understand and help the child to settle in their family.

Also you mention that your DD is a confident and loving child and "would love the company of another child" - hmm she might not love the company of a child who has been abused and is angry and fearful and will not necessarily behave in the way you expect.

I think your concern about emotionally damaged children coming into your home, is as much a problem as your DH's health issues to be honest.