First visit from social worker

[Bluedolphin1971]

Hello

The social worker came to our home today to talk to us in more detail about the fostering, but I have a funny feeling my depression that I have suffered in the last year will be a stumbling block.

I was very honest with her and yes my voice was a bit quivery when talking and she mentioned this but it's not because I'm still going through issues, it was because I was talking about my mum and dad and felt a bit bad and I suppose unloyal because at the end of the day they are my parents and I love them and know they love me.

I just hope when she sends her report to her manager that they do consider us. The next few weeks are going to be very long.

Hi Blue - We had huge reasons as to why we shouldn't be accepted to foster, but social workers could see that the issues were in the past and could only be regarded instead as huge life experience. I hope your sw will see your depression the same way.

Anyone's voice would be quivery when talking about something they find emotional - it shows we are human!

BTW why do you feel unloyal towards your parents?

Good luck with your application, you sound like you'll make a great fc

Thanks for replying Gymbob.

I'm not really sure why I feel disloyal to my parents, I guess it's because they are my parents, and with all their faults etc, I know they love me, and I love them too. The social worker seemed surprised that I was still in regular contact with them! she also mentioned that we seemed very family orientated, do You think this would be classed as a good thing?

Another thing we thought we might be refused for was because my husband has a criminal record from when he was 16 (which was 27 years ago) I won't go not too much detail on here but we aren't sure whether or not that would refuse us either. Although he hasn't had anything since then, not even as much as a speeding fine.

Keep your fingers crossed we make this step then go ont the next which I then may be the skills for fostering. Due to my depression and my husbands criminal record they said they might ask for the police checks and medical examinations to be done and then take it from there which makes sense. I did check with my doctor about going for the fostering and she said there was nothing in my medical records that would stop me from fostering.

Hi Blue,
I am at the end of my fostering assessment, and I too suffered and have been treated for depression. There was a cause for the depression (work related) and I solved it by resigning. Just be open and honest in all things, it hasn't affected my application. With regards to your husband, everyone makes mistakes, so this wont necessarily be held against you. If its something you really want to do, just go for it and be positive. p.s. I am also a very emotional person, I really feel for others, and I am always welling up. I was asked how I would reassure a birth mother if I had to collect her newborn from the hospital... truth be told, if she is crying, I will be crying too!!!!

Hi NFM

Your words have given me a bit of hope. I hope the SW thinks like that too.

We were told it will take a couple of weeks before she manages to get her report written up and referred onto her manager. She said if we are then referred onto the Skills for foster carers course it's will probably be in the New Year before the next course starts.

I would just like to get the ball rolling as soon as possible lol x

I think it makes good sense to get medicals done asap. What happens is that you have a medical with your own GP and there is a form that the GP has to complete, and obviously your depression will be mentioned. The form is then sent to the Medical Adviser for the LA and he or she will give a recommendation on your suitability (or otherwise) to foster.

I think the thing is with depression, it does depend on the reasons, because if the illness arose from stress related issues, the sw will be aware that fostering does cause stress at times and this could mean that you suffered a further depressive episode. So it's as much to protect you as anything else.

Re the issue of your husband's criminal record from when he was 16, there should be no difficulties at all unless this was related to unlawful sexual intercourse with a girl under 16. Things might have changed now (I am a retired sw) but there was this horrendous thing where applicants had USI at some point in their teens, and they were being classed as Schedule 1 offenders (which means any crime related to children) and therefore unfit to foster. I recall we all thought this was ridiculous and bore no relation to an adult sexually abusing a child etc., so this may no longer be the case with a teenage boy and USI. Let's hope it was some other offence.

Try not to worry too much - remember this is a 2 way street and as the sw is assessing you, it is a time for you to think seriously about whether fostering will fit with your family though of course no one really knows that until they actually start to foster,

Good luck and remember foster carers are like gold dust to LAs - they need you, so they won't be looking for ways to turn you down, but they do have to follow the regulations.

hi Nana thanks for replying.

My depression was because of self esteem issues, I felt worthless and there was no good in the world and everyone was better off without me. There was nothing that triggered it, it just happened, and I really was so down I was in a bad place. I did go to see a councillor, didn't help me that much, it was the self help books that made the difference. I've always had self esteem issues, thinking everything was my fault and I genuinely think it all stems from my childhood. I was bullied at school cos my sister and I weren't the best dressed in school or the cleanest, my mum and dad were alcoholics our house was a mess, so we couldn't bring friends home, and for some reason It just felt I had the whole world on my shoulders. I would think everyone didn't like me, thought I was a burden/hinderence to everyone!!

I'm now much stronger granted not as some but, I know I can't please everyone I know everyone wont like me but that's their problem not mine.

what I do know though is I'm a good mum and I know I can give time etc to a child who needs it. I know I might not get anything back but I know I can give them a lot of time, support and care.

oh and my husbands criminal record it was a big family dispute and there was a fight between my husband and 2 of his uncles x

Oh Bluedolphin how sad it is that you suffered so much as a child, and it is small wonder that you have grown up having low self esteem. I'm not surprised that you felt you had the world on your shoulders. The really good thing is though that you have not repeated the pattern of parenting you had as a child(as most people do) with your own children.

I think your childhood trauma will form a big part of the assessment if you do go ahead. The sw will need to ensure that your own parenting of your own children is very different from the "model" you had from your parents. Your depression will also be an issue, but more in terms of how you are now, and the sw has noticed how you becoming a bit upset when talking about your family. I know this is understandable but you do need to have a great deal of emotional strength to foster, and this will form part of the assessment.

In some ways, people like yourself who have to some extent overcome your childhood traumas (although it is something that you can never "overcome" as childhood experiences follow us all through life) could be an advantage. I say this because many children needing foster care will have come from backgrounds like you experienced and you may have a better understanding of the birth parents.

Your husband's "offence" all those years ago will not be a problem.

Keep us posted and wishing you well.

Thank you NanaNina I will let you know if we make it to the next step.