Explaining realities of fostering to BC

[Vicky13]

Hi

I'm just starting out on the fostering process, looking at either respite or long-term fostering. I'm a single parent with a 10yo daughter. She knows I've been thinking of fostering for quite a few years, and one of the reasons I've left it until she's almost secondary school age is so she was emotionally mature enough to cope with it.

Problem is she's so excited about it she's not really listening to the potential problems, and just keeps saying "It'll be fine mum. Stop worrying"

I think she thinks she's going to be living with Tracy Beaker! Her knowledge of fostering and life in care is entirely based on Jacqueline Wilson novels! While I don't want to scare her, I'd like her to be a bit more aware of the realities of what might crop up.

How did you all deal with this with your own children? Just not sure how much detail to go into.

Thanks

Vicky x

Hi,

We keep an age gap of 4 years + between Fostlings and our children.
This way they don't loose a play mate when we have to move a child.

There are some reading materials for children of Foster Carers, but I think they do get pretty quickly life and rules are different. IE. They can come and sleep with us in the middle of the night, Foster child is taken downstairs when he wakes up. Our children can share baths, but Foster child always baths alone.

You'll need to sit with her and explain about safety and behaviours. You and her need to be in a position where you aren't putting yourselves forward for misunderstandings and false disclosures.

So my BC can play in their bedrooms, FC is supervised at all times, so can only play where I am.

In our case it's easy as all our Fostlings are babies and toddlers but I would have to change (a lot) our structure and family boundaries if Fostling was closer in age to our children.

I's say do the Foster Carer Training and then think about all you'd need to change.

Best of luck

Hopefully the person doing your assessment will spend some time with your daughter discussing possible scenarios that will prompt her to think about what it might really be like.
There is also literature from BAAF which is useful.
Some L.A.s run fun sessions for children who foster, perhaps she could attend one of these and meet other children who foster.
I would ask your s.w for some guidance, it will demonstrate that you are conscious of thinking about how your daughter will cope.
My own child was only just 2 when we started fostering, so fostering was always part of her and my subsequent children's lives.

Hey Peedles , didn't know you were on here too. We are currently waiting on a placement to start our fostering lives.......there is hoepfully a very wonderful match in the pipeline at the moment. Can't say too much yet though.

I asked my girls to imagine what it might be like to have another child come and stay with us. Then I asked them to think of the naughtiest child in the class, and imagine that they were coming to stay. I was trying to emphasise that having a foster sibling wouldn't be like having your best friend round for a sleepover. They did have rather different questions and concerns when considering the second scenario than the first.

It is good that your daughter is so positive about it. And that you're trying to remove her rose-tinted glasses.