Part time placement probably becoming full time - any advice, please?

[summernowplease]

Background: Fc orginally placed for 12 weekends. Over 6 months later, she's been with us every weekend and some extra nights in the holidays, likely to become a full-time short-term placement. Full time care decided on months ago, we offered - with provisos - shortage of SWs and being non-emergency have led to delay; things now moving, imminent meeting with SWs.

My questions:

1. How do you explain to a child that they aren't with you forever, yet still help them to feel fully a part of your family?

1. What do I need to clarify with SWs now?

I've already said that I can't do school run to two schools. A taxi has been mentioned. I'd like to pick fc up at least one day a week - might SS fund after-school care for bc? Would contact arrangements be discussed now, or later? Who makes decisions on schools? What else?

1. There has been mention of gradually increasing nights with us until full-time. I'm not sure of timescales, but it sounded protracted. I'm wondering whether that may prolong a sense of 'not belonging'. Any experiences/ opinions, please?

1. Fc is second oldest in family, same school year as eldest. Again, any experiences or advice?

(I know this is unusual, but is currently working very well. I know one very experienced foster carer who always has children older than his bc, as that works best for their family.)

Sorry that this is long (it was longer, but I've chopped bits out, and added them to my "things to ask in meeting" doc). I've name changed, as I think this is a bit unusual. And I've used 'fc' for foster child, not foster carer.

Thanks.

Right answers

1. Very diffuclt with a chikd under six i would say you dodnt not say how old fc is but to he sw should take the lead on this with LIFE STORY work.

A. I would just treat them as part of the family but you can only conrol what you do you cant help if the fc dosent feel apart of your family just make fc feel as welcome as you can.

1. Be clear on conatct espically what is the situation during the hoildays you dont want your whole summer taken up with contact or soend cristmas eve driving around for a contact YOU ALSO HAVE CHILDREN

Also a passport get it wille mums on side in my view if you wait until your about to go on hoilday you may end up very upset i know sevral fc who have had to place fc in respite because sw had taken so long to get the passport
If their in vountry care i would get it while mums having a good relationship with sw things may turn sour and they then withold their consent (which happend to me)

Also get balnket consent to sighn school forms if you wait for sw to get back to you about froms fc will most likey miss out on all sorts (also i have a link about this i will send you)

JOIN FOSTERIng network asap protects not just you your whole family.

1. As she has already stayed with you in my view this should go on no longer than a 2 weeks just my view

1. Not sure my LA are agaisnt fc fostering children older than their own

Hi summer

I agree that life story work is very important and a lot depends on the age of your fc as how you deal with this. We have had a 5yr old in placement for a years (we are waiting on long term approval for them) and have always just done things on a need to know basis. We've been honest and age appropriate in our answers but tend to talk very much in the present tense and this usually satisfies fc. IF you have a good lac worker they should support you in this. We have always included fc in everything we do as a family so as to encourage that sense of belonging whilst also supporting contact as best we can (which of course presents with it's own challenges!)

Clarify everything regarding transporting now. Your LA may possibly agree to funding an after school club for your bc but due to ever diminishing budgets there is every likely hood they will say no. Make sure the ground rules are in place to support you and your children's needs as well as those of you fc. This is vitally important so as not to end up charging about like a loony over the summer and during term time. Likewise make sure contact suits you and will not impact too much on your time and family commitments. In my experience contact is a minefield and if you do not stand firm and make clear what you are and are not able to do from the word go you will be facing difficulties.

Timescales again can be problematic. We are dealing with this in another situation but the LA are probably buying themselves time to get all the paperwork (otherwise known as Red tape) sorted! If the child is definitely coming to you better soon rather than later particularly as they are already so familiar with you.

Our LA and most that I'm aware of recommend that fc is youngest in family by a couple of years. If your situation has been going so well then I imagine they have taken everything into consideration and have decided that irrespective of the child's age the best thing is to place the child with you. I have no knowledge of this as our fc is considerably younger than my birth children however I would be a little worried that placing a fc who is the same age or older may cause problems as they get older? Just a hunch and I have no real knowledge on which to base this but I know my children would probably have struggled had our placement been the same age as them and would most definitely have not wanted them to be older.

Hope it all goes well for you all

Good luck

C.x

Thank you both, your replies are very helpful.

I should have said that she's 10. It's the unsaid "we want you as part of our family - but only for a while" that I'm struggling with - can I hope that she mainly sees the "we want you" bit? I suppose it will help when I have an idea of what longer-term plans (or hopes) would be.

I think the age thing does help in terms of feeling part of the family, as we do a lot of things all together. Lots of activities (sometimes same place, different groups, all optional), homework, trips, bike rides, going to see relatives. I make sure I have some individual time with all of them. I'm sure we do treat all four differently, but hopefully fairly. But I do worry about how they will interact as they get older.

Delegated authority is very interesting. I've heard other foster carers talk about the problems of getting authority for things in time. I get annoyed by not being able to use my judgement, and let her play at a neighbour's house (I trust them completely to look after the other 3, but when fc there I have to be too), and having to pull her out of any photo, or ask people to delete them. (How to be singled out as different.) I'll raise these things too.

Thanks again. I don't want to be inflexible, or too demanding, but I don't want things to be assumed, and then find I'm stuck with arrangements that are hard for all of us. Contact and school transport now have stars beside them (on my list), passport and consent forms added.

So glad to be of help These are the things you need to hammer out with the childs sw
Because yu dont want her missing out on things because you didnt hammer things out in advance

She knows you so well I am surprised they are delaying her move. At her age I would think she doesn't need a protracted move like that.

My LA have recently changed their views on someone else looking after fc. Now it is up to the foster carer to decide if you trust someone to babysit/look after your fc. It will definately be worth checking this out.

Also, re the photos unless she is in a secret location I really can't see why you have to stop friends taking photos of her if they are taking everyone else, even if you ask the mum quietly not to put them on Facebook.

The placements that have worked best for us have been the ones where the fc has been a similar age to my birth children and this has worked for holidays and outings especially but I realise this might not always be the case.

Good luck

Thanks bonnieslilsister. Particularly good to hear that similar ages have worked for you.