just started the process, and already anxious....

[hattifattner]

Just wondered if any of you felt the same, or if Ive just done the wrong thing.

We love kids, have our own who are growing up and have always said we would foster when they got older. The time has come - youngest is almost 10 - and so have just had home visit.

Only now Im thinking "OMG what am I doing, I must be mad" - eventhough I really want to do this.

Its not so much cold feet as trepidation!

I don't think there's a FC out there who didn't go through exactly what you're experiencing now.

I had 2nd, 3rd, 10th thoughts about what I was doing but think its one of the best decisions I ever made.

Hello

We have been approved for over a year now and looking back, yes, I suppose there were times when starting the process when I would think, "is this the right thing for our family/am I doing the right thing leaving my job/will it negatively affect my children?"

You are (hopefully) given lots of information during the next preparation groups, and in ours we also had foster carers which had been fostering for a while that you could talk to, to get a "real" picture of fostering.

We were quite open with our supporting social worker about our fears, but as it turns out, it has been one of the best things we have done .....apart from occasionally thinking OMG during the hard times..

I found mumsnet to be an invaluable source of information and support!

approved for almost 2 years, and still wonder at times why on earth we went into it... especially when it is really really hard - and it so often is for a multitude of reasons

You wouldn't be being realistic if the thought didn't worry you...

OMG What am I doing? I must be mad!!!

Yes! I can identify with that! Still say it most weeks

Agree with everyone else (Hi Donk and Bonnie) Just wanted to say that the assessment process is a two way street. It's for the sws to make a decision about your suitability to foster (or not) and it's for you to make the best decision you can about whether fostering is going to fit in with your family. You won't ever know till you do it of course, but you are not committing yourself at this time, and if at any stage (before going to panel) you decide that it is not going to be right for you, then you can simply say so. Things aren't usually like this because hopefully the applicant can talk over any concerns with the assessing social worker, but I did want to make the point that it is a 2 way street and I don't think sws spell this out to applicants in the way that they should.

thank you nananina. Its the fear of the unknown. We have already said that we would have preschoolers, just because of the logistics of our own 3 kids/3 schools....I could not do another school run on top, so babies and toddlers it will have to be...! But the horror stories about contact are unsettling, overall. I can see myself getting all "mama bear" about charges.

Im also anxious about the assessment itself, I do not have a good family history, and its a whole can of worms to open. I have cut most of my family off because of it, and I still think this is very much the right thing to do. But whether SW will see it that way I do not know.

Well your LA must have a need for carers for babies and toddlers, because many LAs won't assess applicants for this age range as they have enough. It is usually sibling groups, older children and children with disabilities where there is a huge need.

However given that they are assessing you, they must have a need. I think the contact issue is one of the biggest problems for some foster carers, and if it's a baby or very young child then contact could be almost daily. The reason for this is because up until the final court hearing (which can take months and months and months.......) it is not known whether the baby will return to the birth parents, so the contact has to be frequent so that the baby or young child can remain familiar with the bps. At the end of it all they don't usually return home and they are hopefully adopted. All cases are different of course.

One of the things I have been surprised to learn through MN is that some LAs are expecting foster carers to do the contact, drive the child to the mother at some day centre or somesuch and wait while the contact takes place and then take the baby back. I just think this is horrendous, so if I were you I would make sure you know what the system is about contact.

I'm not sure what you mean by not having a "good family history" but foster carers come from all walks of life and some do have very complicated backgrounds. This does not rule people out at all and the main thing I think for the assessing sw is to talk with you about how this confict in the past has left you as a person now. Sorry I could write reams but what I can say is don't be put off by this..........if you are in a stable relationship and have well adjusted children and you have the qualities that are needed to provide a safe and loving home for a child, then that is the most important thing.

I think you need to take a step back and try and relax a little more - I know it's easy for me to say that but sws are not looking for "Mr and Mrs.Perfect" - and I don't think they'd find many if they did. Take things slowly, read as much as you can on fostering and have a look on the "British Agencies for Fostering and Adoption" (BAAF) where there is a lot of useful information, or Fostering Network (which is the national organisation for foster carers.

Thank you nana.

I might just add that your wisdom on these boards was one of the factors that pushed me to apply. :D so a double thanks.

I think there is a big need in this area, plus we are looking at siblings (have double room) , so possibly this is why we are being considered. Friends of ours foster and have 2 unrelated newborns due to a lack of foster carers! They are mad saintly.

The initial assessor said that if we had a child who was in school in X place (30 miles of motorway away), we would be expected to take and fetch the child from that school. SO immediately ruled out school aged children as I have 3 in 2 schools, and from sept 2013, 3 in 3 schools, so school run is already a nightmare.

Not to put you off but I just want to re-iterate Nana Nina's point about contact for a baby or toddler - if your LA is like mine you will be expected to take that child to contact in a contact centre which could be miles away from your home (3 centres have been closed near me lately, each time increasing my daily travel time!) I have sometimes had to do the "contact run" 6 days a week. Even the child with the least frequent contact was still seeing parents 4 times a week.

Also apart from the contact sometimes I have had young children staying with me and ss have wanted to continue their nursery place (usually put in place to support thier families). They have carried on going to the nursery for months to keep them familiar with nursery staff in case they were going home again. Each time I had to do the drop off and pick up (usually 3 x a week). I do find with little ones you are in the car loads which is a shame.

Hi NanaNina if I was going to be soppy I would say you are my hero

Ah BLS that's sweet of you. Have met up with a friend today who used to be in my team and we have been reminiscing and it's made me feel a bit sad tonight remembering the team. We got the work done but we were like a family really and it was a very happy 15 years. SO your kind words came at a good time. Thankyou too Hattie and hope all goes well for you.