Single Foster Carer - Boyfriend to move in

[Pooks1]

Hi there

Can you help, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months however I have known him for nearly 2 years. I am currently fostering a 15 year old girl and although going ok (she is hardly ever in!) I'd like to move in with my boyfriend (him live with us). He is currently being CRB checked and wasnt sure of the circumstances. Also his contribution to the household bills would help alot as am struggling on what Foster Care pays! He works full time so i would be doing the foster caring. Thanks anyone! xx

Under the Fostering Regulations he would have to be assessed as a carer, as he will be living in the same household. Take your point about the financial situation. How long have you been fostering - do you just take teenagers, you sound quite pleased that the 15 year old is out most of the time. I know kids of this age are out and about on their own, but she also needs your time and attention.

Hi there, yes i understand that now as spoken with my SW. I have been fostering since October 2011 so not that long and I am not pleased she is out and about all the time as its a huge worry! I've tried to engage in activities but i have found that when she needs me around she lets me know (subtly). I dont want to give up foster caring as its what I want to do and I am aware that my boyfriend has his own job/career. We are going to have a long talk about it but I think we will put the moving in part on hold for now and assess it down the line. I do realise that any child no matter what age needs my time and attention which is why i chose foster caring in the first place! I dont just take teenagers either as I have done emergency and restbite before for 9/10 year olds. Thanks for you help.

Don't dismiss the idea out of hand. I'm sure there are times when it'd be a huge help to have another person around to share the load - I'm a single carer and whilst I usually see this as a positive for the children I take there are definitely times when I'd love an extra pair of hands (or 10!).

As for your teen being out all the time there's very little you can do about it. If it's what she's used to then she'll carry on like that and you won't find much support from her SW if you push too hard for her to change. October's only 3 months ago so from my experience about now is the time when she'll start pushing extra hard against any rules you put in place (I find this stands whether they're 15 years or 15 months!) Just take things at her pace - it's a really good sign that she lets you know when she needs you around.