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Original poster

Do you buy a present for your foster child's mum ?

15 replies

sharenicely · 13/12/2011 21:54

And if so what?
I suddenly thought today it might be a nice idea. I was going to do it from my fc not me.
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
minceorotherwise · 13/12/2011 22:03

Have no experience of whether this is allowed or the done thing or whatever... But do you mean a present that would essentially be from the child?
I guess if you think it's appropriate, then the background is not one in which the child and mum are estranged or anything....so if all in place as such, it's a lovely idea. Guess if she's missing her child and getting herself back on track it would be a nice encouraging, bonding thing to do. I'm thinking if child is old enough, could he make her something? Or get him to draw a picture and have it framed ? If a baby, get name done or birth or feet impressions or something ?

minceorotherwise · 13/12/2011 22:05

Sorry...when you said from 'fc', I thought you meant Father Christmas !!!!! As opposed to foster child, sorry that's really tickled me, I spat my wine all over the dog !!!!

Original poster
sharenicely · 13/12/2011 22:10

Hi thanks for your quick reply.
Yes they have regular contact and a seemingly good relationship.
The framed drawing is a nice idea. She's 8 so I think she'd enjoy doing that.

OP posts:
Original poster
sharenicely · 13/12/2011 22:11

Ha ha yes I did mean foster child. I'm sure her mum no longer "believes" !

OP posts:
minceorotherwise · 13/12/2011 22:12

It's good because then she knows that you have obviously helped too, which should psychologically be a benefit to her I would imagine

BusterTheDonk · 13/12/2011 22:17

Yes - we do birthdays, mother's/father's day, christmas... we've done a photo shoot this year (very good local photographer at bargain rates)

We make cards with the kids.. and the present is from the kids..

threeandcounting · 14/12/2011 09:20

Yes-for mums birthday I made a card from lo with his hand prints (it was messy Grin)

For Christmas I am giving a framed "christmassy pic" of lo.

I do think sometimes it's hard to gauge what to do, as lo may not be returning home. This is my first placement so it's good to see what other carers do!

ChooChooWowWow · 14/12/2011 16:38

Yes we do. This year I have had calendars made for mum, dad, and grandparents. None of them speak to each other so they wont know they all got the same present.
I also buy for their aunt and her dd, their brother and sister.

MrsMicawber · 14/12/2011 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happydaze22 · 14/12/2011 18:03

We're giving mum & dad a mug each with l o's picture on them. Gutted that we cant have Mummy or Daddy on them as well though. Xmas Sad Apparantly it isnt possible.

scarlet5tyger · 14/12/2011 18:49

I've gone down the calendar route this year too - I always try to get something with a picture of the child/ren on it but like Mrs Micawber says you do have to be careful it's not something that can be sold, as awful as that sounds.

ChooChoo how come you buy for aunt and her child? Are they particularly close? Or are you just a particularly nice person??? I must admit it sometimes sticks in my craw a bit just buying presents for parents, never mind extended family, when I know the awful things they've said about me!!

scarlettsmummy2 · 14/12/2011 23:45

yes, we do dad and grandmother. Dad got a 'worlds best dad' mug and aftershave and nana got shortbread and a fancy candle- not sure how these will go down, but my 13 year old foster son suggested them! (this was after me refusing to buy a gold 'nana' ring, much to his annoyance!)

ChooChooWowWow · 15/12/2011 14:09

Ha ha scarlet no I'm not particulary nice Xmas Grin. I really like their aunt she is the only family member who actually puts the children's needs first.

If I'm honest I do resent buying the rest of the family presents. They hate me and will do anything to undermine the placement. However, I do like to take the moral highground. The dc love to take a present to contact for their family, it's makes them happy so that's the most important thing.

I agree with never giving anything that can be sold. When my LOs first came to me they kept saying "we had one of those (bike, DS, etc) but it broke so mummy/daddy took it to the special shop". It took me ages before I worked out they meant a pawn shop Sad

parachutesarefab · 15/12/2011 19:37

Just an idea to add to what's already been mentioned - getting kids to decorate a mug / plate / bowl etc. You can get porcelain pens that they can use to draw pictures, you can rub off if they make a mistake, but once you bake them in the oven they're dishwasher safe.

The pens aren't cheap, around £10 for a set, but mine have lasted a few years, and dozens and dozens of pieces of crockery. I buy cheap, white crockery - supermarkets usually have items for less than £1.

You can also get paints, so even very little ones can have a good splodge with a brush, and they look great.

Rubyx · 20/12/2011 00:20

i have recently brought school pics so have framed them for mum, dad, and grandad, got the bro's some of their fav chocs ( just a small selection box) and also brought mum a book that she likes the author as she does deserve a bit of a treat ( just hope she hasn't read it)
not worth buying anything pricier as she has been known to sell stuff for booze/fags.
But luckily FC will go home for four hours on christmas day so it will be nice to take something from her..

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