allegations

[Rubyx]

My SSW advised that Fchilds parent has made an allegation against me. Firstly she was unhappy that her child celebrated a festival with us and secondly that her child was introduced to a illegal activity via our eldest child ( totally untrue)
They have noted it and asked that i speak to my child and not confront the foster child regarding this. The foster child is not supporting this allegation however, his mum has said that he said this. When his SS spoke to him he has not supported or denied this. Anyone been in a similair situation? This is my first proper placement and i wasn't expecting allegations so soon so quite upset.

Unfortunately I found that allegations begin really quickly! So far all the ones I've faced have been about minor things which are more the parents' way of having their say - complaining about the clothes children are in (they provided them!) or saying they are dirty (child had severe eczema on face and the "dirt" was actually her very greasy cream), things of that nature. I find they get more frequent the more out of control a parent feels.

Did your SSW provide you with any advice apart from noting it down? Mine always supports me well at these times and tells me to note it well in the child's log book and try not to take it to heart. Also talking it through with other foster carers can help a lot!

So sorry to hear of this Rubyx.. I think its one of the things Foster Carers are most worried about.

We attended an Allegations Course and some of the stories were truly horrendous.

I agree with scarlet - not to take it personally, and to record, record and record more.

Obviously they are duty bound to investigate, but it sounds like they aren't taking the things seriously... mum is obviously feeling threatened and you are an easy target.

I do think it is very good advice not to talk to him about it.. it is so easy to ask the wrong type of questions, that it could be seen as leading them..

He must be very 'torn' by this - hence not supporting nor denying it.. he's stuck in the middle, poor lad..

I hope your SSW is supporting you well over this - I know in some cases they have to distance themselves, but this sounds like a minor gripe on her part..

I find it bizarre that the mother perhaps thinks you should have celebrated a 'festival' as a family and excluded him!

Easier said than done, but try and brush it off as a desperate attempt to cause problems, not a personal attack on you or your family.

Best wishes x x

Thanks,, she is complaining about the childs school, one of the social workers and me as well so it ties in with her feeling out of control and feeling threatened. horrible though.

My oh had a allegation made against him a couple of months ago it was awful

All I can say is
1 -make sure you and your family are covered by fostering network
As they can't help you mid allegation you need to join before.

2 -as others have said make sure you do tour recordings

I find allegations happens more at the start of a placement and during court as I think they feel if they discredit the care the child is having they will have their child returned.

To be honest all the false allegations will count against her keep your head up, I would also ask the Childs sw to make it clear to mum thats its not on making false allegations as you wouldn't want her to think this will go unchallenged

Also are they having supervised contact because if so I would get your saw to find out if indeed he did make the allegation during contact.

Rubyx - so sorry that you have had allegations made against you so early on in your fostering career. You should have been given written information about what the procedure is when allegations are made. All LAs will probably have different procedures. What age is this child btw? What age is your eldest child.

Usually it would be good practice to call a meeting (sometimes called a strategy meeting) to decide how the allegations should be handled. Unfortunately foster carers are not invited (for good reason really because sadly some of the allegations made are true) and so it is is important to be clear who is doing what. You don't have a right of the minutes of these meetings (sometimes more than 21 are called) but you do have a right to know what the procedure involves.

The fact that your FC has neither denied nor confirmed these allegations means that he has divided loyalties and is confused and probably a little scared. The fact that FC's mum is making complaints left right and centre does suggest that she is very angry and this is her way of fighting back.

However everyone involved needs to keep an open mind when allegations are made, and they must be taken seriously, but not to the extent that a child cannot lie, because they can, just like adults. When sexual abuse reared its head in the mid 80s there was a clear "understanding" that children do not make up these things, and most of them weren't made up, but some were.

Anyway hope you get through this bad patch. Canyou get support from other foster carers. As Maypole suggests it is a good idea to contact Fostering Networks. Some LAs "buy in" an independent person from FN to offer help and support to families going through this sort of thing. The other thing is that these things can drag on for weeks and months. Often at the end of it all the allegation can neither be substantiated or proven and it leaves FCs feeling very vulnerable.

Hi, thanks all for your responses. As far as i know it has just been mentioned to me and is not being taken any further. Both childs SW and my SSW have just spoken on the phone between themselves and childs SW has said that she has told Birth mum that even if this allegation was true she would just place the child with another carer rather than send them home so i hope that means they believe she is just making things up. Just horrible for me if FC had decided to lie and back up his parents! Big learn and scary,it was hard for me to keep my mouth shut at the next contact i had with Mum but i did it phew!

Gosh! I'm sorry you're in this situation Rubyx. Well done avoiding any unnecessary conflict!

Just responded in your other thread but I guess bedtime routine isn't your top priority anymore!

Uhhhhh, just been to a lac review and she has brought a lot of other stuff in.. Apparently her child is always hungry when she sees mum for contact ( duh straight after school) and she told all the review group that her daughter had nits when she didn't.. aaaahhhhhh

Make sure you speak up for yourself in the lack review also I am very shocked your support worker wasn't countering the points as they were maid.

We had a situation were mum was trying to say all sorts in the review my support worker was very swift to read out her recordings and to press mum for dates and times which she didn't have also to challenge her as to why she had waited until now to raise the issue and why she didn't raise it on the day with the contact worker

She was out as a liar and started shouting that were are all in mission to trip her up and pick on her she left in
Tears and hadn't been back to a review in two years.
And most of all I am surprised The reviewer didn't say anything

Not on

So she was never hungry after school when she lived at home then? I have yet to meet a child who is not ravenous straight after school!

Don't worry about her saying that about nits, the people in the review group will understand that a] she will not always be telling the truth due to guilt feelings probably and b] well sometimes kids get nits so even if they believe her they wont judge you. x

The following contact mum was all over me ( i supervise it at the moment) i couldn't have chosen a better foster carer if i had to pick one myself. I just said some things because i thought they needed to be said........you got to laugh haven't you!

And that is the problem with those that make false allegations about foster carers, that those living with real harm from their foster familes aren't believed and the foster parents are given the power to carry on.