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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Home assessment about to start, any advice appreciated

13 replies

TulipsfromAmsterdam · 14/11/2011 11:21

Well we have reached the stage when our assessment will begin and have to say I am feeling quite nervous. We have had the initial visit where referees and basic forms have been filled and due to get down to the nitty gritty next visit.
SW has left a personal profile form and I am putting off starting it as it feels a bit overwhelming atm.
Any advice/experience from fc's on how to get through the next few months would be appreciated.
TIA

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BusterTheDonk · 14/11/2011 11:45

Hi Tulips,

Have you been on the Skills to Foster course yet? We had to do (and pass) the course before our LA would start the assessment - but I know some do it differently. I think I would have found it more frightening if we hadn't done the course first... felt a little bit more like we knew what we were letting ourselves in for...

The assessment for us lasted approx 6 months with roughly one visit per week - sometimes to see us both, other times individually. It really helps if you 'click' with your assessor - ours remained with us and is now our SSW which is brilliant. It is very indepth, thought provoking, quite deep but exciting.

You will need basically to tell your whole life story, childhood, parenting experiences, relationships (past and present) - they are trying to get a huge picture of you and things that have made you who you are today.

Only advice is no rush, be 100% honest (with them and yourself) and to enjoy the journey. Fostering is not to be taken lightly, is incredibly hard at times and this is part of your preparation... be sure it is right for you and your family...

It is a huge step, but don't be overwhelmed... be excited, be honest, be thorough, be sure... this is a big step on a big journey.. enjoy it!!!

The very best of luck, and please keep in touch... Smile

TulipsfromAmsterdam · 14/11/2011 13:08

Thanks for reply. We have done the skills to foster course so quite prepared that way.
I am ready for the questioning, they told us on the course they want to know where we were born, why we were born and everything since!

DH has had a straight forward life, both parents still together and even living in the same house since they married but mine is a little more complicated and I think that is what is worrying me personally.
The SW is lovely so that's a big help and I am so looking forward to the end result if and when we successfully are approved but definitely finding the next stage a bit daunting.
Will be sticking around as the positive fostering stories are great to hear.

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BusterTheDonk · 14/11/2011 14:11

I wouldn't be worried about your 'complications'... they openly admit they aren't looking for 'saints' and prefer people to have had some 'trauma' or 'life experiences' - shows how you handle the difficult stuff..

We were by no means "straight forward" - it all adds to the richness of who we are today... (both divorced, lived abroad, ex wife had to give reference, his kids had to be interviewed etc etc).

You've got through the course (well done Grin) - I loved this part - although at times did find it upsetting to talk about some things, and to read the report at the end made me cry (issues with my parents).

If at any point they have doubts, they should tell you straight away - so if they keep coming back thats good!!

I was amazed at panel how they didn't question us on some things, but I put it down to our SSW being so thorough in her report... now panel day.. that is something I found daunting!!!

I'm sooo excited for you Grin

queststarz · 14/11/2011 18:02

Hi tulips

i am about where you are -applying to be a single carer with LA , so not quite same (no partner to question) but done skills to foster course (in sept) had first two visits from SW to fill in F form. Its not that bad, lots of talking about yourself and your past. First visit was why do you want to foster, quick look round house (bedrooms for foster kids) and getting to know you chat, discussion of expectations, support group, left me with a safer caring booklet to read through and a blank copy of F form so i could read it and see what to expect

second visit was talk through my family tree, who is who, divorces etc, then what are my expectations/ fantasy kids to foster, real life what kind of kids to expect and could you deal with homosexual teenagers, drugs, sexual abuse etc then what kind of childhood did you have, what would you change keep, what are your core values etc, local area - facilities, schools, ethnic makeup etc

You seem to talk a lot in each session and SW is busy making notes on everything you say - i kinda ignore that bit and keep chatting (its probably hard for him to keep up actually ;-)

All of it is them trying to get to know you and what makes you tick - just be yourself and be honest

Visit no. 3 is on Friday - so i'll keep you posted

SquidgyBrain · 14/11/2011 19:42

just be yourself - that is all they really want to see

hoping it goes smoothly for you

keep us posted :)

threeandcounting · 15/11/2011 12:24

Your post reminded me a little of when we started our assessment. Dp has a background from something like the Waltons, where mine was a little more complicated..! The sw (who is now our ssw) saw it as a positive thing that we both had such different upbringings, and this is something I think you should keep in mind!

It is quite a interesting process, and one that I eventually quite enjoyed (after getting over my blind panic everytime the sw came!)

Try to enjoy it, but the main lesson I learned from the whole process is that you can't rush it and that it was the start of many learning curves!

Let us know how you get on!

NanaNina · 15/11/2011 12:50

Hi Tulips - have carried out dozens and dozens of Form Fs for prospective foster carer over my 30 year career in social services (now retired) I agree with everything that the posters have said, especially about not looking for Mr and Mrs Perfect (don't think they exist but you know what I mean) The only useful thing I can add is that you must trust your assessor because they are not looking to catch you out/ask trick questions. It is all about the things others have said on the post. Don't look upon it as a question and answer session, it is a discussion, and everything that is raised will relate to the fostering task. How you were parented is very important as is how you parent your own children of course.

Also remember that this is a 2 way process - they are assessing you but you also need still to be thinking of anything that is bothering you, and discuss it with the sw (the prospect of allegations against carers) is the main one, which is not surprising. Often people are worried about the effect on their own children, which again is quite natural and should be discussed. Don't smile and nod and pretend you understand something when you don't - the sw may not be explaining herself/himself properly.

It isn't so much about the detail of the complications in life though of course you will need to talk about that, but as someone said the important thing is how you coped with it, because fostering can be stressful, and being able to highight a difficult patch in your life and getting through it, is all to the good.

Don't tidy the house too much - not cluttered obviously but I always felt happier when the house looked lived-in.

You will have learned a lot on the prep course and I always started asking them about the course and if there was anything that came as a surprise, or bothered them in any way. I was less sure about people who claimed that there were no surprises - it was all fine!

I honestly think the most important thing that foster carers can do to prepare for fostering is to learn about attachment theory (there are loads of books on Amazon) because most of the children coming into the LA system will by definition have insecure attachments with their birthparents, and this can give rise to a great many difficult behaviours. Some LAs run course on attachment theory and I would ask the sw about this. She should be very impressed that you know how important this is!!

Finally, most of the people I have assessed said at the end that they had quite enjoyed it, because ordinarily in life, we don't sit down and have someone "take us through" are life story. Oh yes and please be yourself!!

TulipsfromAmsterdam · 22/11/2011 13:17

Thank you all for your replies. It is great to get so many different perspectives as you do here i.e. experienced carers, prospective carers and of course nananina's experiences from working in the field. I appreciate all views and they are so helpful to me at this stage in our application.
I had heard about Form F and expected to see a long very formal form with tons of questions but it is proving to be more informal chats than anything else at the moment. It all seems very positive at present :)

OP posts:
Rubyx · 02/12/2011 20:56

I had an alcoholic father, workaholic mother, neglect, love, poverty and i am still approved so as long as you are over these kinds of issues they make you stronger so it is considered a good thing.

bonnieslilsister · 02/12/2011 21:57

I am approved too which is amazing!! Smile

NanaNina · 04/12/2011 00:16

No it's not Bonnie - you sound like a really insightful person with a "grounded" approach to life and always give good advice. I think you are a brilliant foster carer.....so there!

bonnieslilsister · 04/12/2011 10:00

NanaNina, you are so kind! But I think you are better! So there! Grin

TulipsfromAmsterdam · 04/12/2011 18:25

I think all of you are amazing and hoping I can be half as good when we get there (fingers crossed!). Everything seems to be going well and not as difficult as I anticipated so feeling quietly confident.

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