Support for foster carers

[fostering]

So as not to appear rude by posting on other threads, pinkchoccy - you have now commented on 3 fostering threads:-

Help advice needed
Speeding up adoptions
Hardest job in the world

You have detailed at some length about your experience and many foster carers will recognize your grandson is very lucky that you fought for him.

I have only recently discovered this forum and find it invaluable to gain support and impartial opinions about fostering.

I don't wish to be rude or personal and only (quite correctly) pointed out on another thread that you are not a mainstream foster carer. I did not discredit your opinion or thoughts.

However, you repeatedly say in your threads how dreadful your experience was with a foster carer and whilst all foster carers aren't saints - MANY ARE.

I know carers who have fostered children used as rent boys from age 8 to fuel their Mother's drug habit and sibling groups who know no different than to sexually abuse each other all night.

I doubt your degree gives you the first hand experience that mainstream foster carers can bring to these threads? I certainly recognise that there are people posting with much more experience than me and bow to their knowledge. I hope you can understand why other postings have become aggressive and personal towards you.

Surely you can see that we are looking to support each other not knock each other back?

I agree this is not the board for posters to say nasty things about foster carers or social workers or our role in child protection.

It's hard enough as it is.

Fostering I agree with your post.

I am very pleased that things worked out well for pinkchoccys GS. However I feel that pinkchoccy has only her experience of Social Services and the Court system, therefore is unable to empathise with the (very different) experiences of others.

Foster carers have looked after lots of different children, worked with birth parents, SW's, CG's, Independent assessors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Cultural "Experts" etc and no two children's cases are the same.

It does appear from reading pinkchoccy's posts about how dreadful the FC was that the FC was doing the job she was asked to do. Of course FC's have to discuss the placement with the SW, especially if things are difficult. It would seem that pinkchoccy's GS mother was not the easiest person in the world to live with and the FC's advice was not welcomed by the birth mother or pinkchoccy.

I am still unsure what it is pinkchoccy thought SS should have done with the birth mother and GS, given the very limited spaces in mother and baby units. The money paid to the foster carer was peanuts to what it costs for mother and baby units. I wonder if pinkchoccy realises that in mother and baby units the parent is watched on camera 24/7. I wonder if the birthmother would have agreed to that?

I have also fostered children who have been sexually abused and their parents will say that the FC is a bitch and SW's should be shot. I, along with every other FC, am not in it for the parents benefit. I feel very passionate about child abuse and if a parent, who has abused a child in my care, feels I am judging them then so be it!

Pinkchoccy - please don't go ahead with a lengthy explanation about your situtaion again in order to respond to FTNC, it's just not productive.

Carers just want you to understand that we look after stranger's abused and neglected children, not our own much loved grandchildren.

I agree with FTNC, pinkchoccy you only have a one sided view and foster carers don't look good from where you're standing.

I am very much in agreement that this person has limited experience of foster care.

And the only person this is a site to support nd help foster carers ,ake sense of the many rules and regulations also to help undo the mess caused by their parents

Not for birth families to have a moan about how much carers arepaid or to slag of cares

And I really feel that the grandparents section would be more suitable for your postings

maypole1 grandparents do not look after their grandchildren full time and some are just plain not interested in their grandchildren. So that subject would be totally irrelevant. This has turned into a witch hunt hasn't it!

I agree with you fishtank and sexual abuse is awful and abuse is awful. Pre judging those parents I would do the same but I didn't mean it in that context. I am a Mum to my own children so Grandparents section would be totally irrelevant. I don't know anybody my age with Grandchildren.
Birth mum was very damaged and still is, very shy and very nervous fishtank. Nobody in her family has ever loved her. She has had a heart breaking time and also was put into care and was too old to adopt. I am very sad that it didn't work out for her. We see her and have contact with her though.

I know that you all look after children just like my gsons mum.

Maypole1 if you had a granchild in this situation you would do the same. I agree that money should be paid to foster carers for their work. My point was that our gs shouldn't have been in care as we are not like any of them families. We care very much fore our children and they are our priority. I have also read on another thread on here, about some strange adopters who changed baby's clothes and took baby's dummy. Our situation was a little like that with the foster carer.

Pinkchoccy has posted on "I hate social workers" so make that 4 threads now.

fostering I have posted since and will keep posting!
I find it extremely interesting tbh.

But your comment about social workers......how many have you dealt with 2, 3?

In my first year of fostering I worked with 20.

and there I was thinking this fostering forum was good...

zzzzzz

no offence meant to anyone, am just disappointed that my fostering lifeline has gone downhill recently...

Have to agree with p99gmb. I might not agree with what every one posts all the time but I'd rather just skip over those posts than have this bad feeling. :(

It seems there are good and bad in every job.
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Fostering The above is what I posted on I hate social workers. I answered generally.

I am very interested in the fostering, adoptions, teenagers and education threads.
I am not surprised that the fostering forum has gone down hill with the sarcasm put on here from fostering.

I think I am just going to ignore this person now

pinkchoccy I must admit I have seen your comments re the foster carer and was a little offended. The general rule seems to be that most birth families hate the foster carer (although there are some exceptions). I was in a situation where I was looking after a child and the grandparents wanted to have her. The grandmother did everything in her power to discredit me. My Sw would come round with A4 sheets of paper listing numerous petty complaints about me, all of which I had to explain. It must be very distressing to see a stranger caring for a child you love and this often makes family feel they have to prove they are more capable than the FC.
I think you have every right to post on here if you wish. You just need to remember that your experience of fostering is very limited. You have not looked after the type of traumatised children that real FCs look after every day.

That said ladies maybe it would be best to just ignore posts we don't like and carry on with the great support we can give each other.

I'm off now, very unlike me to have a rant
Oh, and I am a regular just recently namechanged.

Hi psiloveyou I am sorry if I have offended you. This was a personal experience for me and I posted on speeding up adoptions without properly thinking it through. I posted in relation to my own situation. As you have above. It seems that our family situation wasn't the norm. I didn't in anyway hate the foster carer, or discredit her. I didn't complain as tbh I was scared that that would affect our situation. I just did everything I was told to do. I felt that our foster carer was very capable. Just unhelpful and yes upsetting. i.e. Gson had a dummy that she took off him. Lots of other little issues that meant a lot to us. I would like to post on here as I do find it very interesting.
My comments on here were not aimed at the foster carers personally.

Pinkchoccy - what ever do you mean "My point was that our gs shouldn't have been in care as we are not like any of them those families."

How could social services know that you weren't like "those" families, your son was 15, living with a 16 year old, and you only knew that he had impregnated her when social services knocked on your door.

SW's very quickly assessed that you were the right person to look after your grandson but your GS had to be cared for by a foster carer while the assessment was carried out. You have constantly said how badly you thought of her and that she was paid too much.

I too have enjoyed the support from foster carers but I won't bother asking for help and advice any more because I had assumed those offering support were foster carers themselves (or the lovely Nananina).

fostering we aren't like any of those families that you described. We were already in touch with social services about our son living with gf. They told me to give him roots but give him wings. Wonder what they would have said if girl had been 15. Luckily he was very near 16. They had actually a lot of months to assess but didn't have the time. Thay came to ask us if we would look after baby as fall back carers. I thought badly of fc because of how she treated us. Thought she was paid a lot when she could have been fostering a baby that realy needed to be there ours didn't.

I am not providing any support to anybody was just taking an interest. It's funny how comments have been made about strange adopters etc . I know what happened with us and the facts. Too much to go on about and really private tbh to go into greater detail. Sorry to offend.

Pinkchoccy you are free to post on any threads you want to.

I have read somewhere in your posts that your GS was a new baby when he went into care and 4 months old when he was placed with you. Is that right?

Becuase if it is I think you should refrain from posting that you went through the same assessment process as foster carers.

I do not know any FC's who have been assessed within 4 months. The process usually takes between 6 and 12 months.

I think I know where you are coming from though when you say the adoption process is too quick - given that the child was placed with you within 4 months. Had he been placed in foster care he would probably still be in foster care by his 2nd birthday, whilst the whole birth family were looked at, his parents wishes given paramount importance and then adopters sought and assessed. (Not to mention the lengthy Court Hearings).

The timeframe you describe, having your GS placed with you, is nothing like the timeframe for children within the care system to move to their adoptive families.

PS I am not sure why you keep mentioning my post about the adoptive couple I had no choice but to work with, without LA support? Can you not see why I described them, and the situation, as "strange"?

Hi littleflora we were assessed during the 9 month pregnancy until after birth. We were passed as foster carers first and went through a scrutinising process. Many assessments that took more than 6 months to perform. Interviews with family members, police checks, references, invasive questioning and facing panel. I understand what you are saying really I do and I have repeated this quiet a lot now. We were foster carers first and had to do everything foster carers do. I mentioned the adoptive couple because that is how I found the foster carer we dealt with. It just shows there is problems sometimes. Our situation was strange also, due to what happened with us. Don't want to go into detail again.
I am not going to comment any more now. Nothing more to say. I can't believe how personal some have reacted. No offence ever intended. Nothing more to be said unless fostering keeps copying and pasting and trying to make out that I have a problem with foster carers on here.