Bridging to adoption

[fostering]

Can anyone tell me please, what happens in their LA's when children meet their new adoptive parents.

Is the transition period prescriptive, do SW's listen to the foster carer's thoughts about the speed things should happen and in what order?

Are SW's normally present when adoptive parents meet the children and if so which SWs, children's, carer's or adoptive parent's?

I am thinking of a single child placed at birth to 18 months.

Thanks

Hi ,

In my case when I adopted my two at age 11 months there was a placement planning meeting which was attended by us , the SW, the Foster carer and the foster carer's sw. There was a draft plan already drawn up following guidelines but it was tweaked and changed after input from all parties and taking into account the daily babies routine.

The Foster carers were very much involved in the planning.

As for the first meeting , the SW was present with our first but not with our second. So not sure what the guidelines are with regard to that stage - sorry.

Babies' daily routine - sorry!

Whose social worker was present when you adopted first time?

Also, how long between inital meeting and final handover, any sleep overs inbetween?

Hi, in our la it depends on who is chairing the meeting as to how much foster carers are listened to

In a good plan then the adopters would spend the first half of the planned handover in fc house getting to know lo then things would move over to their house with lo going on visits to get to know the new house.

This depends on where the fc and adopters live in terms of travelling. Things are altered if distance is a problem.

Two weeks is usually the standard time but that is often too long for babies and toddlers so for an 18m old I would be asking for 7-10 days max.
And no overnights and no breaks, lo sees new family everyday from start to finish.

At the initial meeting of child and adopters that should be in fc home with fc present and child's sw. But sw usually goes after half hour and parents stay on a bit longer.

The first visit would be hour and a half max and built up throughout the days till adopters are caring full time for lo.

On the day of the move the parents should pick lo up early in day and it should be a quick in and out job with no hanging around and no sw's present (although some busybody ones often want to be there)

If you want any more ideas/tips them you can pm me, I have done a lot of handovers.

Hope things go ok. Good Luck.

Hi

When we first met my DS it was his SW who was present. With my DD the Foster carer said she would feel more comfortable if there were no social workers there ( I think SWs stress her out and my DD's SW had left so the new one didn't really know her anyway)As second timers we were quite relaxed about it all as we had met the FC on two occasions prior to this and felt at ease with her.

Our SW popped in throughout the process and there was a conference held at our house with what seemed like a million people half way through introductions to make sure everyone was happy with how things were going.

The time between meeting DS and bringing him home was 7 days and this was enough for everyone involved. With DD the procedure had changed and it was 10 days ( which felt too long for all involved TBH )

There were no sleep overs until placement day but I had to pay an early morning visit to the FCs home to get baby up and another late evening visit to do bath and bed routine.

All quite exhausting both physically and emotionally for all involved.

On placement day both Foster Carers had the option to have their own SW's present but declined as they wanted to be alone with their thoughts - it's a bitter sweet day.

Oh no! I have just typed a long response and it dissappeared grrr.

Anyway sumum has posted virtually the same that I typed.

I have handed over a few LO's to adopters and in my experience the child is placed with their forever families within a week of introductions. Sometimes it takes a little longer if the child is not comfortable. But certainly within two weeks.

It sounds as if you are an FC about to go through all this?

Just want you to know that I have kept in touch and regularly visit/phone both my DC's FC's and they are like special Aunties.

We really appreciate the love and care our DC's received from their FCs. Think you all do an amazing job.

Thank you all, smashing advice as usual.

I wanted to know what other LA's did so I have some reference points.

I've met the adopters who are lovely and a fantastic match to the child so I'm feeling very positive but know that my heart will break when I finally have to say goodbye.

Mumleigh, just wanted to let you know how much FC's appreciate adopters who stay in touch. It rarely happens although people start off with good intentions I can understand that once adopted the child becomes part of a new family. It is lovely to have the odd photo come through and hear news of how children are doing after the sleepless nights tending a drug addicted newborn!

It really is like giving up your own baby to someone you hardly know!

Aww Fostering. Is this the first baby you have moved on? The first is always the worst! You will get over it, given time. And you are right it does feel like giving your own child to a total stranger.

Mumleigh It is very much appreciated by FC's when adopters recognise the role the FC played in the child's life.

I am still in touch with some of my foster children who have gone on to adoption. It is wonderful to receive a Christmas card with a photo of the child and a little note letting us know how he or she is getting on.

Some adoptive parents feel the child has a new life and do not feel the need to keep in touch with the FC and I can see their reasoning too.

Most of the adopters I have dealt with are lovely. One couple were a bit strange though. From the moment they met FS they told me the child was theirs and did not want me to be around during the introduction process (??).

The day they arrived to take my the child permanently they told me, "We do not want to take any clothes or anything from his past. He has us now and we will buy him whatever he needs." They proceeded to take his (Next) clothes and (pampers) nappy off him and dressed him in Tesco nappy and Primark babygro. They took his dummy out of his mouth and replaced it with another. They told me they did not want to take a suitcase full of new and hardly worn clothing. I insisted they take his blankie and bunny to settle him.

I have never cried so much in my life! And not a SW in sight!

Fostering I really hope you have a much more positive experience. Let us know how you get on?

Hi, I'm still in the process of becoming a FC. Due to go to panel in May. Everyone who has posted here either FC or AP sound like lovely caring people. Just the ind of people these kiddies need.

However I felt the need to post a at littlefloras experience. Wow that is one poor wee sould who is going to have attachment issues, causes by the APs!!!! How awful. Obviously it was all about them and they had no concern about whether the little one actually felt safe or not.Grrrrr!

xxx

Hi Shaz.

I hope everything goes well for you at panel. There is a serious shortage of good FC's in this country and after reading the experiences of other FC's on NM I am very pleased you are still going through with it. I think you will make a fab FC!

Are you going with LA or IFA?

After my last experience (adopting my LO) I had no choice other to resign with my LA. We are going to give ourselves a break whilst we decide whether to apply to a neighbouring authority or IFA. The difficulty we now have is we are percieved as being unable to work the LA - as they opposed our adoption of LO, yet we were awarded Adoption Order by the Court. I have to say our lives were made hell by LA throughout the long and difficult process.

The only reason we did not give up was because we saw our LO go from a happy, carefree age appropriate little girl to a sad, anxious child who had regressed in her development and was suffering nightmares as a result of being shunted her there and everywhere and being told she was going to live with various people.

As I have already posted, somewhere, my job is to put her back together again and forget fostering until she is ready, however long that takes.

Just to say we have had many happy experiences with fostering as well so it is not all doom and gloom. The children are lovely. They may cause chaos in your household to start with but with lots of love, acceptance, security and firm boundaries they soon settle.

If you have a good working relationship with your Linkworker it makes all the difference. I have come to realise FC's experiences (Good or bad)largely depend on the support they receive from their linkworker. If you have a good one - HANG ON TO HER!

littleflora - replacing all the child's clothes immediately goes against everything I was told in our preparation workshops! I'm shocked at that. So insensitive of them .

I was excited to dress my DD in her new clothes but I new she had a vast wardrobe so I the stuff I bought was in the next size up.

I sometimes wonder if adopters like that are trying to pretend that the child isn't adopted at all.

My DD's foster carer dressed her like a princess and even bought her a special going away outfit which I have kept in her memory/treasure box.

Fostering - we see our dc's FCc as extended family - My DD's FC even babysits occasionally!

Can't read anymore because you're making me cry.

Littleflora, I can't bear to think of a child moving on in the way you describe, how did those people pass adoption panel if they were so insensitive?

It is truly heartbreaking, and then you had all the difficulties of adopting yourself.

I wish right now that we had adopted our LO but we decided against it for all the right reasons that seem to be all the wrong reasons now because my heart is breaking.

The last little girl I moved on (to kinship care, not adoption) had a FOUR WEEK handover plan! It was so stressful for everyone involved.

Littleflora your post about the "strange" adoptive couple is heartbreaking. I know I probably go overboard but I wanted everything to remain the same for my little one - down to washing powder and brand of toothpaste! Sadly, the toys I sent with her were thrown away (okay, they were a bit scruffy but that was because she'd played with them lots!) and the same for most of her clothes. At least it wasn't done in front of me though. And there's no way she'd have been parted from her dummy! I had to buy exactly the same make each time or she wouldn't have them.

Oh! Me and my big mouth!! I am sorry for upsetting you Fostering and Scarlett

Honestly most adopters are lovely. And it feels great (well almost!) when you are involved in moving LO's on to their forever families.

The AP's I mentioned were not the usual parents I have worked with. The mad thing is when a SW was around they were happy, smiling and really co-operative. As I had handed other LO's over to adopters my SW thought I would not need her to be present as she had a meeting to attend, and was sure I could manage the handover myself. Ordinarily I could have. The adopters in this case heeded advice from the SW, yet would not take it from me as I was only the FC.

No matter how many times I told them that LO's clothing and toys etc should be taken with them as they were familiar and would help LO with settling with them, they ignored my advice and seen themselves as paramount. This is not how it normally happens!

I am so sorry! I'll keep my mouth shut in future .

I hope everything goes well for you LO Fostering.

Littleflora, no really, I have met the adopters and I can't believe they will turn out to be as you described above, just very shocked that any adopters could be like that.

Have you heard from the LO since?

Nope! Suffice to say this is one that I am never going to hear from.

How awful.