Help !!

[new2allthis]

Just wondering if anyone else on here has thought that they may have made a mistake by fostering?

I have only been fostering for a short time but am really thinking that I have made the wrong decision by changing "career" and giving up full time employment.
I am seriously considering giving up fostering but am feeling a huge amount of guilt as I feel people are relying on me. However, I am not enjoying the experience and I just dont know what to do for the best.

Any suggestions ??

I'm not really the best person to be your first responder, as I am also a new FC and really struggling. But, as I went with LA, I was able to still work and was encouraged by my social worker not to give my job up. Phew, am I glad she did that!

We've only had one placement, and I'm afraid to say that I've asked LA to move them on ( see my last thread on here). Now I'm counting the days until they go

I'm also feeling terribly guilty about letting the LAC down, letting the LA down, making matters worse, but also feeling guilty about how the experience has affected my 10yr DD.

It also leaves me wondering if I will ever be able to do this again? Is this how it'll alsways be ?
( although my SW and theirs have told me that this behaviour is extreme and I was very unlucky)

My work is suffering at the moment as I'm consumed with all things fostering, but luckily I work flexi hours and can easily catch up when things are calmer.

I feel so guilty about moving them on I didn't go back to my thread to let other posters know!

What are you finding hard New2? I don't think I realised how long short term fostering would be to be honest, and how fustrating it would be when you can't diciple a foster child as you would your own. (I'm talking about punishing and sending to room, not hitting them)

Hi there ,
just wanted to add a bit of support from a relatively new fc .
No preparation courses and assesment can prepare you for the reality of actually fostering a child and the ups and downs that come with it .
We thought we were totally prepared untill our fd moved in last september and we have certainly had some shocks and surprises along the way !.I definately wasnt prepared for the seemingly endless paperwork and red tape and sw moving the goalposts re contact etc and the frustrations brought about by this.
I have had days when I,v thought "what the hell are we doing ",but these are few and far between now and luckily with some hard work and patience things are settling down nicely (says crossing fingers ).
Having said all that ,we have no regrets about our decision to foster and seeing our fc so happy and settled makes the hard days worth while .
caz x

Hi There,

We were warned at the beginning of the process that it would not be plain sailing, but, nothing prepares you for the hard graft for no or little thanks! Saying that I have no regrets. The next LAC may be a complete contrast and you may wonder what you were worrying about. someone said to me never make important decisions after a hard/ painful time.

Why not change your personal goals in fostering, go for younger/older children.

Keep your chin up,

X

Oh dear new2allthis and Sens, please don't feel sad.
As others have said there is no way any prep courses can really prepare you for the fostering task.

I have been a carer for a very long time and can say it is not a job or task or career it is a lifestyle and takes over your whole life.

It is not the life for everyone so there is no need at all to feel bad if you stop.

If i were to go back in time and give my younger self some advice pre fostering it would probably be to not go ahead. It is a hard journey for the heart and there have been many desperate moments.

That said I carry on and I do enjoy it and I do love and help the children in my care. I have made a difference to a lot of children's lives and that is priceless.

Sens another placement may be different so if you still want to carry on then maybe give it another try.

But for both of you if you do end up finishing then at least you gave it a go and tried, it is not for everyone but you do not know that untill you try.

And you should feel no guilt, just be proud of your motivation to help the most vunerable in our society.
And in the future you may find another way to help that is not quite so all comsuming.

Good Luck.

Hi all. Thanks for all your kind words and messages of support. At least I dont feel quite so guilty now and will try and stop beating myself up mentally .

We have decided to give it another few months till a decision is made for our LAC as to whether they will be going home or staying in care long term (in which case they will be able to stay with a family who can handle a long term placement-poss 8 years !!). At least then we will have seen the placement through as far as we are able to go.

Thanks once again xx

Could you not work part time and continue fostering?

Hi guys - just had a phone call from social worker to say that our LO will be going home in 7 days.

I know I have sounded negative previously but I do feel sad and will miss them. I didnt realise that the decision would be made so quick. I assumed (d'oh) that there would be a few home visits first and maybe a weekend stay to ease them back into going home.

We have learned a lot from our experience with our LO and me and hubby have decided that we will carry on fostering

Hope everyone else is doing fine xx

the first placement can seem a bit much if your not from a childcare background but you learn loads and will be better prepared for the next one

i am so glad you didn't make any rash decisions personally i say it will takes at least 3 placements to really get in the swing of things

Good to hear New2 - we're also ready and willing for another placement

Thanks Maypole-feel much better now lol. We are looking forward to our next placement (whoever he or she will be).
Fingers crossed for us

Good luck with your next placement SSM x