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Fostering

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Original poster

hardest job in the world

12 replies

SenSationsMad · 17/02/2011 20:06

tonight I have been screamed at, spat at, insulted, been told "I'll stab you in the face", told I'm nasty, all in the space of two hours, whilst meant to be looking after three other children ( two of my own and one a 16 month old)- by a five your old. :-(

During which I've tried to remain calm, tried to ignore, (what do I do when he threatens to jump off the top of the stairs?) Praise when good, played with him, distracted him.

I'm battered.

I've had enough.

OP posts:
innerstrength · 17/02/2011 20:42

Bloody hell SenSations. Well done staying calm. Hang on in there. How long has he been with you? Is every day like this?

Original poster
SenSationsMad · 17/02/2011 20:49

Things have been getting worse since the honeymoon period ended. I understand why, I sympathize. I'm a mum though, not a child psychologist. Nothing special.

I'll be better in a minute. Thanks for chatting.

OP posts:
innerstrength · 17/02/2011 21:00

Rant away SenSations. I am merely a lurker who has been considering fostering for some time, but not quite ready to fill in forms yet... How do your own children react to his behaviour?

pinkchoccy · 17/02/2011 21:01

Hi Sensationsmad

sorry to hear that you have had such an awful time. I know this may sound like it is easy for me to say. This maybe that the little boy is trying to test you to see if you really want him because of his feelings of rejection i.e. the reason that he is in care. He probably knows no better and has learnt his behaviour. He probably doesn't really know that his behaviour is wrong. He may feel insecure and is not getting at you personally. He could be parroting words that he has heard before. I know that this can be very upsetting and you feel like things are going very wrong. You are very special doing the job that you are. He sounds like a very damaged child and you and him need a lot of support. Maybe try holding him securely when he is like this and telling him that everything is ok. Then when he is calm talk to him on eye level about what he has done wrong and let him explain how he feels. Keep reinforcing his good behaviour. Hope that you are ok

maypole1 · 17/02/2011 22:55

Oh dear thank the lord for mums net I say I am not really having a good time either at the moment

But my hart gose out to you hang in their and you are doing. Really well do you think picking the childs sw brain would help

shaz298 · 17/02/2011 23:07

Hor those who need them ((((((((((hugs))))))))). Hang in there. xx

fostering · 18/02/2011 20:42

OP - call your SW and the child's SW together, make sure you have all the info on the child from home life or previous placements.

Ask them for support for the placement to continue. Take whatever help they offer, therapy, counselling, play therapy, respite.

Try to think if there are certain things that start him off. After contact or a phone call from family? Just before a meal? After playing on the game station? Make a note and relay back to SW's. Log everything.

Try a thinking step for 5 minutes. Always accept a sorry for him (I do know how hard this is) and hug him (yes really I do know how hard this is). He really needs you and you are doing the best job in the world.

When he is calm, (perhaps by next Wednesday!) you can talk to him about how upset you were and sad that he behaves like that. Ask him if you can help to make him feel better about himself.

I read that a child needs 10 words of praise for every negative comment, tricky but you clearly understand already so much about his behaviour. I guess he hasn't had nice things said to him?

Oh yes and buy a stair gate! (JOKE)

SquidgyBrain · 19/02/2011 22:08

OMW SSM!!

Sorry missed this earlier in the week!

Hoping things have settled a bit and that you are feeling happier

((((HUGE HUGS))))

Original poster
SenSationsMad · 23/02/2011 20:58

Thanks for all your messages and hugs! I'm holding on, just about.
Hope you're ok Maypole

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Original poster
SenSationsMad · 02/03/2011 10:59

Maybe you've seen my post on New2's thread here - but I've asked to move the LAC on, as it's too hard on me and definately on my DD. Sad

Please don't think badly of me or I'll cry (again)
Blush

OP posts:
corsa100 · 02/03/2011 12:45

Sensations. Well done for trying! You are not the first and you won't be the last to move a child on. Your children must come first. What sort of mother would you be if you continued to knowingly place your own children in danger?

I have also requested to move a child on, after spending a considerable time contemplating my decision. I felt a complete failure! But I took solace in recognising that not all children are able to fit into family life. It is not the child's fault and it is not your fault.

All FC's will recognise that there are some children you take to instantly and others you will never take to because the damage already caused to them does not allow them to function in a normal, caring environment.

It is not fair to FC's own children for them to be living in a war zone. Their home should be a place where they feel loved, comfortable and most of all protected.

I am sure you will have a LO soon who will come on leaps and bounds in your care.

hugs
x

Original poster
SenSationsMad · 02/03/2011 16:20

Thank you corsa x

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