Newbie wants advice

[tunecedemalis]

Hi all, I've been reading about you for a bit and think you are an amazing bunch and hope you will give me some advice. I am a reg 38 carer for the child of an acquaintance- i have kids of my own. LO has court ordered contact at our house- we were not consulted and contactee has issues and is a flight risk but we are trying! Mum worries me LO has skin complaint after visits and wind burn after unnecessary four mile hike in cold weather of today. SS lovely but not answer calls or really get back to me. How do I get across my worries?

Have you tried email, you can put all your thoughts down (like you have done here) and reread it before sending so if it's a bit ranty you can edit.

Email also enables the worker be less defensive as you are not directly shouting at them and they can think how best to answer your difficulties.

Also if it is wrote down it is evidence if you need back up in the future.

I would ask to speak to the senior social worker. It could of course be all incidental - perhaps the LO is allergic to Mum's washing powder ect, but it something that someone - and I would think that the SW needs to be addressing - not knowing the age of the LO, or how sever the weather conditions were, and it could have just been thoughtless, but again it should be brought up by the SW. If you are concerned about visiting order being at your house you should talk to them and tell them you are not willing/happy for this to happen - it is your house they can not make you have contact in your home.

I am fairly new to this myself so the others may come along with some better advice.

Hang in there!

Thanks! I asked for email repeatedly Sumum but keep being told authority won't allow us to have email addresses. Mum's house is named on court order as being unsuitable for lots of reasons that could cause skin complaints- I would love to talk to SW Squidgy but they left her a month ago and no contact since- we have called etc but nothing- even asked to speak to seniors but nothing. We are between SW and don't actually have one of our own SS just say they have total confidence in us!!! From start to LO arrival has been two months so we really know so little- just trying to rely on my mummy spidey senses! I know she was watching violent films during contact too, no overnight contact allowed with anyone. I just don't want to get it wrong!!!

It sounds like a horrendous situation. I would go round to the social work department and tell them that unless they give you the support and assistance that you need that you will have to consider if you are willing to look after the LO under these conditions. And sit there until they get someone to see you. And threaten to go to either a neighbouring LA or to the papers and expose what is happening

As harsh as it sounds I think it might be the only way you are going to get help, and it sounds like although when the child is with you and in your care she is safe but by allowing her to go into an unsuitable environment and be exposed to unsuitable viewing material, not to mention the wind burn from today it doesn't sound like she is safe at all at contact.

I am guessing as soon as they realise they may have to find another placement for the child and put her to a foster carer rather than a acquaintance which I am assuming would cost them way more they will suddenly become more helpful

It sounds awful. I second squidgy. Drastic but it's probably the only way you will get help. They wont want to find another placement for the LO.

I should add that I really don't like using blackmail tactics but it sounds like you need to do something to shake them up. If they won't talk to you when you ask nicely, then you need to make them - it is the noisy wheel that gets the oil sadly :(

I was a very noisy wheel today- a polite, persistent, noisy wheel! I have a meeting tomorrow evening thank goodness plus Doc prescribed steroids etc for LO so more settled this evening. Turns out SS has had probs with mother re aggression etc this week plus she is given money to pay for transport during contact visit! Wonder where that went?
On the flip side LO school has a 'bring your mum to school day'- how do you all deal with these things? Thanks- so nice to feel I kinda know other foster mums!

I think you just have to play it by ear, ask lo since mum wont be able to come dose he think you would be a good stand in. i think leaving up to the child depending on age of course then it don't seem like your imposing.

if he doesnt want you to come then dont take it personally and reassure him some other mums due to work wont be their either

glad to hear that you managed to get somewhere without having to resort to dirty tactics.

I would speak to SW about the take your mum to school day - they might be flexible and allow contact to be rescheduled or worked around so that Mum can go.

well done you - sounds like you have done a brilliant job today :)