Failed Contact Meeting..

[p99gmb]

Hiya Guys,

Just wanted to sound off about the first contact meeting we should have had today..

Only saw mum yesterday who said all the right things, just lacked a bit of emotion I thought.. anyway.. said she wouldn't sleep that night she was so looking forward to the contact...

Talked to the kids about it.. they're only 18mths & 2 1/4, don't think they really understood... got them looking lovely and squeaky clean...

3 minutes before she was due to arrive, she texted the SW to say she wasn't coming !!! Loads of excuses...

I think I was the most disappointed because I'd geared myself up for it and made such an effort with the kids... luckily it didn't affect them as they haven't seen her for over a month now...

I guess this is quite common and is just part of the 'unknown-ness' we carers have to try and cope with... one minute SW is going for a court order, next she's hoping to get them back asap..

How do you all cope with the unknown????

Oh dear, that is fostering.
This happens a lot and is very frustrating. As you say you made an effort - all for nothing.
I think you learn to cope by talking to other carers and having a bit of a moan and then moving on to the next thing.
luckily the kids were not affected, give them an extra big hug tonight, at least they have you.

:( how disappointing. I guess this is just another bump in the road that is fostering.

How is it all going other than the failed contact?

Hi Squidgy.. things going good.. almost been a month now they've been with us and really really settled.

Both call me 'mama' at times, and I find it really hard to correct them.. they don't know anyone different.. we do talk about me by using my real name to them, but at times of comfort...

SW happy with them.. just on count down to leaving again for next contact meeting.. no idea if she will turn up today or not..

How are you managing waiting for the phone to ring?? I feel for you.. get all of your little jobs done while you can!!!

Love

so glad to hear that things are going well for you - you sound like you are doing a fantastic job with them - well done you :)

(you probably already know this - but just incase (It never occurred to me!) One of the best reasons to get a foster child to call you by your name, is if the child calls you mama - and then go on to another placement - and also calls them mama and then an accusation is made it is very difficult for them to identify which mama it is)

To be honest I am struggling with the waiting. The longer we wait the more anxious I am becoming. It is that plaster thing - it just needs doing quickly so you don't over think! I have been shopping like a mad thing - I think it is because it is the only thing I can control. I have tempted fate in the most drastic ways - like leaving christmas pressies unfinished (making the inlaws a huge kingsize patchwork quilt) but have actually now got to the point of finishing all the jobs laying about. This is to the point I actually have hand dyed some white muslin squares to make them prettier - someone slap me!!

I keep telling myself that of course it is better that there are no little ones needing our care and then of course I feel really guilty

Still got daycare tomorrow for the little poppet we have had a couple of times so the kids and I are really looking forwards to that :)

thanks for asking - sorry about the essay

x

Well contact day No 2 happened. Mum 15mins late, but least she came. Actually went very well. I left them to it and returned at alloted time. To my suprise, SW then left and so I stayed with her & the kids until her lift turned up - 1.30hrs later!! Thankfully no issues and we chatted like 2 mums talking about our common interest.

Its only now that I think, gosh, I let myself be a bit vulnerable there with her.. and the SW bang out of order for not seeing one of us leave. My SW gonna ensure this doesn't happen again.

LO's fine, no issues after seeing her.

Just dropped them off again for Contact again but hoping all goes well again.

What a rollercoaster of emotions this throws at you..

I'm wondering why you think the sw wasout of order for leaving after the contact was over and you were there to collect the children. It was probably an unqualified worker anyway as sws don't usually observe contact. Whoever it was knew that the children were safe as you had arrived and it must have been your decision to sit and talk to the mum until her lift turned up. Sounds like it created an excellent opportunity for you and the mum to talk in neutral surroundings and you have obviously started to build up a good relationship which is one of the hardest things for foster carers to do, and will benefit the kids no end.

Nananina - don't get me wrong - it was good to spend the time, but my link worker told me that it was a SW who supervises the visits and they should also supervise the leaving - being left alone with mum apparently leaves me vulnerable, she has been aggressive with people in the past - it was my first EVER contact visit, and that she could easily make an allegation that I said something.

The following day the SW did exactly as I'd been told they should - seeing me leave with the kids. In these situations, its not only the childrens interest and safety that has to be taken into account, and I for one am glad that I have such a caring, professional link worker who wants to ensure I don't put myself into any potentially difficult situations!!!

P99 you are right that the SW should not have done this and for all the reasons you have said. We have had a lot of experience with contact and with our two very littlies ended up having mum phone from the contact centre before letting children leave the house. This was because they frequently turned up to contact (driven by welfare driver as we were not allowed to go near as birth dad had threatened all those involved in taking his children) and came home hours later not having seen mum and not having had nappies changed, bottle given etc. It is lovely to hear that the placement is working out for you :)

p99gmb - I take your point - I hadn't realised it was your first contact visit, and yes some birth mums can be a bit aggressive (though this is almost always verbal) and yes you are right that your link worker is looking after you in what is as you say a potentialy difficult situation.