Can't decide, surprise or shock

[EarthMotherImNot]

Dh and I were having a lazy day yesterday, I hadn't even changed from my dressing gown

We had no plans other than slobbing around as we'd had family visiting since Friday and the house was ours again.

Anyway around 4pm the doorbell went and Dh answered it and kindly invited the young man in.
(thanks Dh with me in my fluffy dressinggown and all)

Dh says "do you know who this is" I vaguely knew his face but thats all.

Turns out he is a someone we fostered for over 2 years from aged 4 to 6, he is now 18

He had remembered vaguely our street and decided to visit. He lives in another town BTW and it turns out his life hasn't been very good. In and out of care for most of it

He stayed an hour or so and I have to confess I felt relieved when he left. I'm ashamed this morning of my feelings but it felt incredibly awkward.

He has so many happy memories of his time with us and he mentioned that he needed mentors but its not what we do and I brushed over it.

I gave him out phone number and asked him to phone if he would like to visit again but I still feel I should have done/said more.

He looked scruffy and quite pathetic and I don't know if I should inform social services or not.

Sorry thats quite a ramble, I'd appreciate other views though.

I would have a quick word with your SW if you are worried about him. He should still be under leaving care team if he was in care at 18 and your SW will be able to pass over any info to them if need be.

Its probably good for you to talk through your feelings with someone too.

thanks nymphadora.

I think I will have a word with my link worker.
I'm concerned that he said he was looking for mentors, it felt a bit "well what about it"

I feel for him, I really do, it sounds as though he's had a dreadful life. He was placed for adoption at 6 and it broke down and he's never really recovered from that I'd say.

I would like to correspond with him but the turning up at the door just concerned me.

EMIN - Wow - well I guess you have to take it firstly as a huge compliment that he felt that he could approach you and that you held such positive memories for him.

I think that contacting your link worker is a good plan.

Difficult situation that he wants something that you can't give him, but there are people that can do it. It must have been hard for you to hear that his life didn't pan out as well as I am sure that you hoped and thought it would when he left your care at 6

Hoping that he does keep in touch with you, and things get better for him

Thanks Squidgy, I hope it works out for him too.

The longer I think about him turning up on a Sunday afternoon and simply ringing the doorbell the more I think how brave that was.

He had no way of knowing we would still be here apart from anything else, or what our reaction would be.

I've spoken to my link worker and she feels if this is a one off, fine, otherwise if he becomes a problem she will deal with it in-house so to speak.
She feels we handled the situation well and as you said she felt it was a compliment to us.

wow that must have taken some courage to turn up on your doorstep.you must have certainly made a huge impact on his life whilst he was with you. its the kind of thing you dream of as a foster carer that these lovely children will come in search of us and we can see what a wonderful childhood they had.unfortunatly this is not always the case and it must be extremley hard for you to see that things have gone wrong for this child, but im sure for every adoption that goes wrong there are lots and lots that work out.