Hi Lulu - I did reply some days ago but it disappeared and I hadn't time to do it all again. I am a retired sw and managed a fostering team for 23 years.
The most helpful thing is to choose refeeres who already have children. LAs have different systems - sometimes they send out questionnaires to referees and then interview them or take the questionnaire with them when they interview them.
I think that was a very strange comment that yr s.w. made about people being turned down because of a referee's comments. I have neverknown this to happen and have chaired fostering panels for many years. Sounds like he/she had a bad experience.
Obviusly you need to give referees who know you both and as a family and can talk with confidence about you. There are no trick questions for referees, the sw just needs to know what your friends/family think about how you will manage fostering. Quite honestly when I was an assessing sw if I got a referee who hadn't been helpful (and it was very rare) I would ask the applicants to choose someone else before the papers went to the fostering panel.
LAs have different policies about referees - most will say that all comments made by referees are confidential and this can very occasionally cause problems if they say something particularly damming, but againthis is very rare.
The other thing is I think referees should be honest and one question is usually about "what areas do you think the applicants may find difficult" - I always felt the referee was more thoughtful if they could give some answer, rather than saying "Oh they will cope with anything" as this isn't really realistic. Fostering is a very difficult though rewarding task and you will have doubts along the way. Remember also that assessments are a 2 way process, the LA are assessing you, but you need to assess as you do the prep course whether this is going to be right for your family.
And no the referees background is not gone into, only normal things like the ages of their children and how long they have known you and in what capacity (if they are friends). I used to find that most referees wanted to talk about themselves far too much!!
The other thing is if you have queries PLEASE don't be afraid to raise these with the sw - there is a national shortage of foster carers throughout the country and applicants are like gold dust - they need you, so you must not feel subservient in any way. Obviusly you want to strike up a good relationship with your sw and I know they vary a lot,but always ask if you are unsure about something.
Good luck with your application.