Baby has been adopted ...can anyone offer some advice??

[Manda25]

Hi all

Sorry to be a little sketchy but this is a work thing not personal....

A young women i work with had her baby removed from her today at the final court hearing. We/i have not been in this position before (I work for SS/CS not usually with mothers) ...she has her final few contact visits coming up over the next week ... What can we do to support her ...and is there anything practical we should be reminding her to do ??
Thanks

Not knowing the lady I can't say what support she might need. If she is receptive just be a shoulder to cry on.
When we send babies for adoption I always make a card for the BM with hand and footprints a lock of hair and a photo. Could you ask the foster carer to do something the BM could keep as a reminder of the LO.

Dolphin - you are a very sensitive foster carer to do these things for the birth mother - I haven't met many carers who would do this - indeed unfortunately many carers feel very anti the birth mother. In one way I can understand this but as you know I am sure that birth mothers are often young immature young women without any family support.

Manda 25 - can only endorse what dolphin says - listen if she wants to talk about it/shoulder to cry on etc. I often think that those "goodbye" visits must be so painful for the birth mother. Sometimes the birth mother will meet with the adoptors and sometimes this can be a help but obviously it is a very tense situation for all concerned. Adoptors are asked to agree to send an annual letter or some kind of news of the child via a letter box system (its sent to SSD office) and forwarded to the birth mother. She could ask if the adoptors would be willing to do this.

It's difficult because we don't know the mother concerned, so not sure if she will want to talk about it or not, but if she does, then she will need a good listener and someone who will not judge her.

Thank you both very much - this has been a very difficult time for us all obviously in particular for the young mum. (I/we work in residential and we have known her for 2 yrs now) It has been a strange position to work in because I/we work for SS/CS - so our reports etc have/could have gone against her - yet we are the ones supporting her every day.

I really like the idea of the foot/hand prints and will speak to the FC's tomorrow.