some questions...

[lulubooboo]

Hello,
we have just started the ball rolling on fostering. Being so new to all of this I was wondering if any of you could answer some general 'life as foster carer'
questions please. We are thinking of fostering 0-2 year olds as we have young children ourselves.
We have simply had an initial chat via telephone and filled in the first form so far!
I was wondering how many people fail assessments? I feel 100% that we are suitable on paper and in our hearts but I wonder how hard the whole process is and do people who generally tick all the right boxes still fail for some reasons?
We live in a humble home with a spare room, don't have money coming out of our ears but feel lucky and happy with our lot. Does wealth or property or neighbourhood ever effect the process?
My husband works long hours-we do have a lovely supportive family but they live a few hours away. Are foster carers ideally supposed to have a good support network close by?
For the rare occassion (twice a year if the past 5 years are to go by!!!) that we want to go out in the evening together what is the situation with babysitting? and what happens for family holidays?
I understand that things like this will no doubt take a back seat as they did when we had our own children and I know these seem trivial questions and somewhat superficial in the grand scheme of things but I don't want to set myself up for a fall and I don't want to have naiive ideas about the support we need.
Any experiences with the application process and how fostering fits in with your existing family would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you x

Can't answer 1. But

1. Doesn't matter as long as you can support the household and everything is clean/tidy/maintained etc

1. They will ask about support networks but this can be friends neighbours etc one potential carer I saw had her weightwatchers group on ad they supported her to stay healthy.

1. Family holidays can include the child although unlikely to be subsidised by council ( ours doesn't give holiday allowances to temporary placements anymore. Babysitting can be done by approved family/friends or through respite agreement through fostering Sw

Thank you Nymphadora, that's really helpful.
Do you feel you have enough support as a carer from your SW and coucil?

Sorry-just realised that the above question probably isn't one you can answer

hi there. Im just as new as you - and just wanted to re-iterate all the anxieties that you are having - are the exact ones i have been mulling over too.
(great minds thinking alike)
I had a sw visit today - but all was not as i had thought.
I, like yourself, make ends meet, with a little to spare each month - and thats how i have had to live, as a single mum, for the last 7 years.
However - the sw said she was concerned that i wouldnt be able to survive financially by fostering. I had to asure her, that i wasnt naive enough not to have done the sums, before looking into it all in more depth.
She still wasnt convinced.
She asked about my 'help' network, and said that i would need to have a solid network of friends that she would want to 'interview' round my house , eventually - along with my ex husband (who i virtually dont speak to) and also my extended family.
I am now worried that my ex will say something just to spite me, and she may also consider my small network of friends, not big enough. And, like you, - know that i will be good at fostering, but am also anxious about just how many people do they refuse each year.
She already told me that my daughter and son, sharing a room, needs to stop (even though they have done that for the last 8 years) . I need to put my 12 year old son in with my 17 year old son . Else the panel wont accept it.

Hi Lorrmill38,
Thanks for posting. I am always worried that no-one will take me seriously and feel that my questions are trivial.
It sounds as though the first meeting tends to be quite negative-perhaps it is a way of testing your character? I guess there are also many applications from people that haven't really thought it through and the impact on their lives. I tend to think that the more thorough a SW the better in terms of care for children however, personality clashes can be difficult and it would be nice not to feel patronised. SWorkers must meet many people and see many things that effect them-I can only imagine what a tough job it is.
Well, I have a first visit booked in for a few weeks time. I am trying to stay level headed but the more I read the more worried I feel that we won't be accepted and the more I want to be! I guess no-one likes to feel they are being judged but ultimately it's what the process is about.
Stay confident and true to yourself

Hey Lulu and lorr ? the SW can only do their job.
Mostly the initial contact SW?s job is to wheedle out the people who are fostering for the wrong reasons.
The initial SW comes to look at your house and lifestyle.
Current legislation states that the child placed in foster care MUST have a room of its own ?not shared with any birth children in the house.
In care siblings of suitable age, (less than 10 years old), can share a room with each other.
EVERY step along the way (IMO), seems to be designed to put you off.
The worst cases are always presented to you. It is to make you actually think about the reality of the type and nature of the children that will be placed in your care and make you think about the implications of them on your and your children?s lives.
The last thing they ,and most importantly the children, need is a placement breakdown.

Obviously, until you get approved and get a placement you don?t/can?t know whether it will work for you in reality ? don?t be afraid to voice this to them, they do take it on board. IME they do acknowledge that this will always be the case and appreciate those that say so.

Back in the days when my parents used to foster children, you only had to look at a social worker and you ?were in?? no spare room, no time to facilitate contact with parents, siblings, extended family etc no planning meetings, getting to know you meetings, visits to/from the children before placement??nah?none of that ?just a knock on the door and a ?hello mrs./mr. x got these kids for ya ? bye? ? things are much better these days ? though it is a tough road admittedly, but all the more worthwhile once you get to the end of it.

BTW: I am a lone parent on benefits with minimal ?other? income. Recently LA approved for 5-10 year old either sex children. Within 2 days of approval being matched with 2 x 3 and 4 year old sisters. Currently undergoing the ?getting to know you? part of the placement process ? assuming all goes well, I expect to have them placed with me permanently, until adoption for a minimum of 2 years, by the middle of next week - this is short term fostering.

kahuna - that sounds a fantastic placement for you. Id be very pleased with that. Are you? I was initially looking for longer term fostering and was advised that i should opt for short term, as longer ones dont really exist. Hmmmm !

Ah well, that?s another thing that?s all part of the terminology??. emergency is anything from 1 hour to several months ? (the emergency carers that are currently looking after the 2 girls I am looking to have placed with me have had them for over 4 weeks)
? short term, really just means that I don?t intend to adopt them but will have them for as long as they need me to have them.

? long term ? really is ?home for life? ? generally means that the child/ren placed with you will never be adopted nor are they expected to be repatriated with their birth family so they stay with you until they are 18 (officially)..as in the case with the sisters I am about to meet, the intention is that they will never be repatriated with their family but will be put up for adoption, I will keep them until this happens?could be many more years than expected ? how I feel about it? Well, they have just come into the care system, so that has to be a bit of a bonus. I didn?t expect to have 2 children placed with me so soon after being approved, but always happy to accept a challenge.
My DS is happy (as much as an 8 year old with no other experience can be) ? so a bit in the ?suck it and see? territory but really looking forward to meeting them tomorrow though. Will let you know how things go if you are interested.

I am not a carer, I work with children in care.

There are lots of children looking for long term homes but they are all 7+ here as under that tend to be adopted. Unless their circumstances mean that ongoing contact with birth family is a priority.

yes kahuna, absolutely - id love to know how you all get on. It gives me a little insight into how everything happens, in the world of fostering.
thanks

Hi there, i just thought i would post something as my husband and i just got our first placement a month ago. We have a 19 month old baby of our own and initially we were looking to take a child under 5. We were offered 7 or 8 children before we took Aiden who is actually 12! It is going brillantly so far- so please don't be daunted at taking a slightly older child. My daughter adores him and he is that bit more independant so its isn't as stressful as having two toddlers!

We also went with a private agency (who aren't for profit) and they have been really excellent- right from the approval process to now we actually have a placement so don't be put off going outwith the local authority.

Good luck!

Hi there, I just thought I would post something as my husband and I just got our first placement a month ago. We have a 19 month old toddler of our own and initially we were looking to take a child under 5. We were offered 7 or 8 children before we took Aiden who is actually 12! It is going brillantly so far- so please don't be daunted at taking a slightly older child. My daughter adores him and as he is older he is that bit more independant so its isn't as stressful as having two toddlers!

We also went with a private agency (who aren't for profit) and they have been really excellent- right from the approval process to now we actually have a placement so don't be put off going outwith the local authority.

Good luck!

claire
glad you are happy with your placement. The social worker did suggest to me that taking older children - ie teenagers are maybe an easier placement , as they are more independant. There, sat i, already a parent to a 17 , 15, and nearly 13 year old ........and at the mo, i do not think i would particularly wish for another, (!) although i did agree that they are more self-sufficient.
I am opting for a younger child, but may well change as time goes on, and my own children get older.
I cant wait. Im still very early on in the whole process though, and have a long way ahead of me.

Well good luck! I have found it (so far) not as stressful as I thought it would be, I thought it would be weird having someone else in my home but it hasn't been at all. I have to say- I think I would struggle with 4 teenagers! I didn't realise you already had so many children! x

Hi Lorrimill38,
Thank you for inviting me to tell you of my journey with my 1st. placement?..it is so exciting and wonderful to be able to share it with someone who is interested.

Well, I didn?t actually get to meet the girls on my first contact meeting ? their sibling contact meetings had been change to facilitate the school holidays, so they had already gone before I got to the house they are currently staying at.
But, the meeting with their current FC?s and their Key worker was very beneficial.
Turns out that they are a tad younger than I was expecting (the youngest being only 2.5 JUST ? rather than the 3 almost 4 that I was told and the older not quite 4 let alone the almost 5 I was expecting)?..hey ho?.I did get to meet them the following day at the LA?s ?Summer Event? ? along with their other siblings who are also in care (9 in total)..they are the most adorable children I could ever wish to meet?all of them.

They have had a visit to my house and seemed to like it?but living at the seaside is always going to be a bonus for any child?.
I have 2 more ?getting to know you days? (tomorrow and Wed) before they come to stay until their care plan comes to fruition. I am really looking forward to it.
I met up with some of the other people who were on my ?skills to foster? course and they have similar positive experiences to report.
I have seen some of your other threads, and all I can re iterate is that if you genuinely feel that this is what you want to do then go ahead and don?t let others get in your way. Don?t worry about what you think one SW thinks of you, you will probably never meet this person ever again. Be open and honest to them and your-self and it will come through in the end if it is mean to be.
I got very frustrated at the length of time things were taking in the beginning, and the cycles of hurry up and wait that we seemed to be being put through, but then I got hold of myself and went back to my usual philosophy of ?everything happens for a reason? and decided that things were the way they were because the child/ren that needed me most didn?t need me right now?..I think I was right.

I will update further as things go along if I may.
Good luck with your application and journey ahead, it is a worthwhile course. x.

kahuna.........anything new to tell with your foster children?

Just to let you know the sw doesnt have to see the ex partner if you are really uncomfortable with it. My marriage breakdown to my first husband was really bad and we dont talk so they will not be contacting him at all.
Hope this helps

I have 30 years experience as a s.w. and tm mgr in fostering and adoption and have recently retired, which is why I am up so late!

Lulu - I don't think you should think of the fostering assessment as "passing" or "failing" - fostering is a two way process- you have to be suitable obviously but it also has to fit in with your own family. Sometimes it becomes clear through the assessment that this might not be right for some families at that particular time. Likewise you may feel that for whatever reason it isn't right for you. Sometimes I have encouraged applicants to apply to adopt rather than foster or to think of starting off with respite (which means caring for a child who is already fostered) for short periods to give the carers a break. Some l.as have schemes where carers can provide respite care for families who are struggling and to have one or two of their children cared for by someone else to give them a break, means that the family might be able to stay together.

I can't understand the s.w. who told the single mum with daughter than she would not be able to afford to foster. This doesn't makes sense, as she has "afforded" to provide a decent life for herself andher daughter and the fostering allowances should provide for a better standard of living, as their is an allowance for the child's daily needs and a fee for the carer.

Just a word about private agencies (incidentally none of these are not for profit - it simply means they don't pay share holders but they certainly make a huge profit) When these private fostering agencies started up around 10 years ago, only the most difficult children were placed with them, because it is much more expensive for thel.a. to pay for a child to be placed with the IFA (independent fostering agency) than an "in house" placement, and so they were only used for children who were too difficult to be placed in house. To some extent this is still true, but as the shortage of l.a. foster carers has become so worrying, then l.as are having to use IFAs far more often and for children who used to be able to be placed inhouse. Carers working for IFAs get paid more than l.a foster carers,and IFAs only used to rake on experienced carers,but now I believe they take on inexperienced carers.

If you foster for the l.a. you will get a child who lives in your county, and possibly quite near his/her home which is a good thing as they can remain at their own school and will feel more at home in their own neighbourhood. With an IFA placement you could get a child from the other end of the country as when la's can't find a placement with a local IFA, they have to use whoever has a vacancy.

As far as foster care panels go, I don't think anyone of you people should feel nervous and the panel know that some people do and make allowances. There are NO trick questions. You will be asked about the training course and whether anything was of particular interest or there was something that worried you. Please don't be afraid to say if there is anything that concerns you, as it is only natural to be concerned at taking on the fostering task. They will ask you about some of the issues in the Form F and you social worker will help you out if necessary.

There is a massive shortage of foster carers and you are much needed. I would always encourage starting off with the l.a. as you are more likely to get a child who does not lives miles away which is going to make him/her very unsettled.

Anyway good luck to you all.