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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

very daunting first meet with social worker.

10 replies

lorrmill38 · 28/07/2010 13:44

Hi everyone.
Just wanted any feedback you could give me after having my first meet with my social worker, to discuss fostering.
I must say it was all ultra negative, and i felt she portrayed the worst senarios, and the blackest picture, to fostering. Is this normal? I felt a bit in shock after she had gone, reflecting on all the horrible stories she had told.
Surely they should be trying to encourage new foster carers?
Should i change agencies/local authorities and see if there is someone i feel more comfortable with ?

thanks

OP posts:
purple12 · 28/07/2010 18:46

I think it's quite usual. They don't want people who scare easily! We foster with the local authority and our experience (we are not that experienced - we have been fostering just over a year) is that we keep being pleasantly surprised by the children we have had in our care because we were fed with the most awful scenarios in the prep!
I think it's a case of prepare for the worst but it doesn't reflect our experiences at all
A part of it also depends on the personality of the individual social worker. It won't necessarily be the same one you work with consistently!

lorrmill38 · 28/07/2010 19:00

thanks v much for the reply.
My next question would have been - is it worth asking to change social workers - or as you said, do you not necessarily get that same one back again anyway.
As well as the bad senarios (most were about sexual abuse, and how bad it could get for my own bio children) - she also asked if i went out at night - ie had a social life. I laughed and explained that i much prefer staying in, saving money - and thats the way ive been since having kids.
She commented that, by my appearance, ( hair and makeup, etc) she didnt believe that i didnt go out - and nor would the panel, and would be investigating it.
And there were more comments like this all the way through the 'chat'.

OP posts:
hester · 28/07/2010 19:30

I'm an adopter, not a foster carer, so i don't know how useful my advice is. Like purple, I think it is standard that they warn you of the worst case scenarios. But I think this woman has gone way beyond that - she sounds very unpleasant and unprofessional. I don't know how much you would need to deal with her - if this was an adoption thread I think everyone would be suggesting you run like the hills, because your social worker is your advocate and they HAVE to be on your team. I certainly think you should consider another agency, or another social worker. Can you talk to this sw about your concerns? If not, you should talk to her manager. But I don't think you can just go ahead with her as it is.

lorrmill38 · 28/07/2010 20:35

thanks. I think what i will do, is to plod on slowly with the application form, and then once complete, i shall ring the sw office for an apt - and see who comes. If its the same woman then i shall confront her about the issues that i have mentioned. As i dont enjoy confrontation i will be hoping that they send someone else .

Does anyone have advice with regards to being a single me and coping with fostering a (drug withdrawing)-new born baby?
Im going to put my prefered ages as 0-8, but i would love to be able to be given the huge challenge of a vulnerable new born - but wonder if it is do-able on my own? ie without a partner to help with sleepless nites, worries, etc.
thanks to everyones reply so far.

OP posts:
Kahuna · 28/07/2010 20:38

Having recently completed an almost 2year process from initial application to board approval, (single parent approved for 5-10year old either sex children), I would say that if this is the first SW you have met, then this will most certainly NOT be the one you have to work with any further.

I am with a LA, so things may be different, but the general way things go are:

You make an application.
A 1st line assessing SW visits your home, has a chat, makes a decision there and then whether you fit the ?profile? they are looking for ?

If you pass this initial test, then you are invited to attend the ?skills to foster course? ? usually 6 x 4 hour sessions, but ours were compressed into 4 weeks with 2 x 10-4 Saturday sessions then 2 x 6-9 week day evening sessions over 2 weeks whereby you will be further assessed for suitability.

You will then see the ?compliance? assessor ? another social worker that makes sure that you have filled in all the forms - CRB, every address since birth, immediate family information, 3 referees info etc correctly.

After that, assuming you pass/decide to continue, you will be allocated another social worker who will go through all the Form F process with you ? this is a very detailed and fairly invasive look at your life from birth upwards and reasons why you want to foster. This person is the most important one you will meet ? it will be solely their opinion of you/your life story that the board will take into consideration when it come to approval.

Once this is complete, you will get an appointment with yet another SW who is sent as the ?fresh eyes? to make sure that certain details of the Form F have not been overlooked due to the very strong relationship that is often formed between the Form F assessor and the applicant due to the nature and length of time usually required to complete this processes.

Then you are invited to attend an interview by the Fostering Panel ? you do NOT have to attend and apparently non attendance will not have any detrimental effect on your application.
In my case, the board interview consisted of 15 panel members, my Form F assessor and I. I was asked 3 questions ? why I wanted to foster ? how my birth child (8) feels about fostering and what my preferred name was (I have first and middle name ? some call me by my first name and others call me by my middle name ? seemed to cause some confusion with them)?.apparently, the number of questions asked by the panel is determined by how complete and detailed your Form F assessment has been.

After all that, you will THEN be allocated your Key worker?then introduced to the child/rens SW before placement takes place ? initial placement planning meeting then several ?getting to know you? meetings will happen before you get your placement?.so, I would say that you have many more SW?s and invasive questions to get through, but the worst case is always going to be presented to you as the ?norm???..face it, MOST of the children brought in to the care system haven?t been take away from loving parents who gave them all that they could/put their needs first, so they are most likely to be broken in some way ? sadly, this is more likely to be due to severe neglect and/or sexual abuse ? you do need to think about these things and how you think you would handle them ?no matter how unpalatable this may be to you.

But on the up side, your Key worker should also ?buddy? you up with another one of her/his foster carers in your location.
As mine said to me, ?you can?t bitch about me to me?.but you can to ?so there is some out let for your frustrations against the system ? if not, I?m sure the Fostering boards on here can help you out.
Hope this helps to clarify things for you, but as I said, each case is different [along the route], but I believe the outset is the same for all prospective foster carers ? very daunting and worst case!!
Happy to help further if you like. x

lorrmill38 · 28/07/2010 20:55

thanks kahuna.
Im wondering what impression she has taken away of me then.
She asked at the end of the meet, if i wanted her to leave the app form or not, and i said yes please - and could i contact the office if i had any other queries.
Do you think i should just fill out the form and take things from there - or shall i contact her first, to gage her initial feedback of me?
I am sticking with the la rather than approaching agencies.

Why did it take so long for your app to be processed?
I mentioned to her that i had read on various forums that some processes were taking up to 2 years, and she assured me that, all going well, they would hope for it to be complete by spring next year.
Id be gutted if it took 2 years.

OP posts:
Kahuna · 28/07/2010 21:25

Hi Lorrmill38, I can only go by my own experience, but I would say that if you really do want to go ahead with things at this stage, then compete the forms and go along with what ever else gets thrown at you ? i.e. the skills to fostering course (and homework) ? the rest of the forms to fill in, then the Form F (your life story). You will be able to retract your application at any point during these processes.

As to why it took almost 2 years for me, well, seems like it was a mixture of ?missing files?, people going off sick, waiting for someone to be available to do the Form F ( as it happened my case was sent out to an Agency worker as there was no one ?in house? available to do mine). Coupled with a fairly complicated life ? nothing horrendous, but not your usual run of the mill life by any means, which actually turned out to be a benefit to the fostering system as I have been deemed to have had more varied life experiences than normal that have been seen to be good tools to help identify with most children matched with me.
Having looked around the fostering board, it would seem that anything from 10 months to 2 years is about the norm.

For vulnerable newborns, I think EarthMotherImNot has the most experience on the MN fostering boards in this field.

Minnerva · 31/07/2010 17:58

Hi,

I would say that if it is something that you really want to do then go for it.

Kahuna did say that she may not be the social worker allocated to process your asssessment and I would agree with her.We had a lovely lady who was very sensitive through the whole process and she was not the sw who visited us after our initial enquiry.Don't let her put you off-in all areas of life there are some people that you are not going to get on with and some that you love working with and believe me, in fostering there are plenty of bods that cross your path that will make you want to throw yourself off the nearest bridge but you just have to grit your teeth.

When we were approved we were allocated our supportive social worker who looks after us and again this was a different person to the assessing sw-so you may proceed theough several sw's during the process until you are approved.

We are on our 3rd placement and the process took us 10 months (LA) and at times it is difficult but I am really glad that we stayed with it and saw it through-one of the best decisions we made was to foster so as I say................. If it is something that you really want to do then go for it.

lorrmill38 · 01/08/2010 11:42

minnerva
I will still continue with my fostering application.
I must say, it did make me re-think everything again, and it confirmed to me that i am still very keen in going through the process.
I telephoned the sw in question and said that i was definitely applying - and asked her if there were any reservations that she wanted to mention to me before i started, so that i could tweak them along the way, and sort them out.
She voiced concerns (yet again) that she wasnt convinced i could manage , financially - but, as a single parent that has been on benefit for the last 6 years, and basically surviving 'just fine' on next to no money - i assured her that i had done the sums multiple times, and i am convinced everything will be manageable.
I do have a few concerns, however that they wish to contact my bio childrens father - that i deemed to be a very unsuitable parent, 6 years ago - because of his anger problem, and non stop swearing at the children etc etc ( the list goes on).
I hope that his 'opinions' dont end up having a negative effect on my application.
I will advise the sw that this could possibly happen, and see what she says.
Any advice anyone could give would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Imisssleeping · 02/08/2010 18:37

Hi Lorrmill
I'm in a similar position to you, single parent and wanting to foster.
My experience was completely different to yours though.
The only time they mentioned nights out was when they asked had I thought about babysitters. I told them I hardly ever went out so it wouldn't really be a problem and they didn't question that.
They have never suggested i wouldn't be able to afford to foster, what a strange thing to say.
I wouldn't rock the boat so early on though, like everyone else has said you will get lots of different social workers and would just hope you don't have much contact with this one !

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