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Fostering

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Original poster

Need to have a rant

24 replies

dolphin13 · 12/07/2010 14:24

We have booked to take our 2 children plus 2 of our fc to Eurodisney for a holiday in August.
Birth mother didn't want us taking the children away but SS now have a full care order she can't stop it. She is now claiming their passports have been lost. Everyone knows this is a lie. We go in 3 weeks SS been told we can't apply for new passports because old ones haven't really been lost.

Why are parents so cruel. Birth family think they are hurting me by not allowing the holiday but I'll still be going along with my children. Only ones getting hurt will be their children.

OP posts:

lostinwales · 12/07/2010 14:30

What absolute pigging bollocks. I feel for those children, DH is a primary teacher and how peoples minds work when it comes to their children astounds me, he has worked in some fairly deprived schools before now and sometimes I just want to fly in and kidnap some of them.

I have such respect for you for becoming a fosterer, it's something I hope I can be generous enough to do when my children aren't driving me insane are a little older.

sumum · 12/07/2010 23:36

Poor you and poor fcs. We took our ds and our fd to eurodisney at easter (it was fab)but we only got her passport on the friday as we left on the sunday morning. It was soo stressful.

Hope they can sort it out for you. x

Original poster

dolphin13 · 13/07/2010 08:52

sumum glad to hear you had a good time I've not heard many good things about Eurodisney. I'm not giving up just yet. So mad with this family.

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 13/07/2010 08:55

Of course they can apply for new ones! That happened to the previous carer of foster dd.

And it will certainly be cheaper than 2 weeks of respite care while you're on holiday.

The only problem will be that they won't be able to do it in time but you should still get the passports cancelled so they can't run off with them when/if contact increases.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 14/07/2010 16:16

SW asked BM to sign a form today saying passports had been lost, she told him to F**k off, nice eh.

SW have said they will do everything they can to get the passports in time. They are willing to go up to London and do the interview and wait for new ones to be issued. Just got to get BM to sign the form. The childrens actual SW is on holiday herself at the moment so dept are pinning their hopes on her being able to talk BM round when she comes back.

Please cross your fingers for my little ones.

OP posts:

sumum · 14/07/2010 20:16

My fingers are crossed for you. how old are the fc, will they understand?

Original poster

dolphin13 · 15/07/2010 09:46

Hi sumum they are 5 and 7. Not sure what we will tell them if we don't get the passports. I don't want them to think we don't want to take them, but at same time telling them it's mums fault will hurt them.

They have their goodbye contact tomorrow so things are tough enough at the moment for them without this.

They are also incredibly shy children. They come across as being really hostile and rude but their not really, just hurting so much. If they have to go to respite it will be huge trauma for them. It has taken us a year to get them to trust us.

Bloody parents

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/07/2010 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

dolphin13 · 15/07/2010 10:46

Thats a good idea stewie. I will tell the sw. They are doing everything possible to get it sorted.

OP posts:

sumum · 15/07/2010 12:44

Oh poor kids, they are old enough to understand what they will be missing but not old enough to understand the red tape of ss. My foster daughter is 8 and we didn;t tell her about the passport hicup and fortunatly we did get it just before we went. And ofcourse respite will not be good for them, esp last minute arrangments.

Fostering is hard enough without this added stress.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 15/07/2010 14:48

It is isn't it.

At the moment they only know we are going on holiday. They don't know when or where. We also have their older brother. He leaves us in 2 weeks and is going to be upset about missing a holiday so we havn't said anything yet. But we have talked about a holiday, so if we go off without them they will be very .

Is your fd a long term placement?

OP posts:

sumum · 15/07/2010 16:12

She is now

We have had her a year and she is the first one we have kept, usually just do bridging. We also have a 4year old boy bridging, he has sn.

we took fd to disney with our son (he is 6 with sn) but our little one wouldn't have coped so he went to respite. Its very full on at disney and he struggles with sensory issues. We then took all three to Butlin's which was fab, we go there every year and always take whoever we have with us.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 30/07/2010 22:52

Yaaay we have a passport for one of them. For some reason the family gave us one but are still refusing to give the other.
SW is going to passport agency in London next week to try and get replacement.

We leave next Friday.

OP posts:

nymphadora · 30/07/2010 23:15

Don't need BM signature on the forms it's just good practice. A manager can sign for it instead.

I do a lot of passports for CLA

Original poster

dolphin13 · 31/07/2010 12:09

Thanks nymph, she won't sign. We should get it but it's been awful. I hate not feeling in control and we can't say anything to the children yet in case the worst happens. Would be nice if they could have that lovely we're going on holiday excitment.

OP posts:

nymphadora · 31/07/2010 16:51

That's awful the manager refusing too though. Passport office has been fine with the 20 ish I've done in the last few months.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 31/07/2010 20:22

sorry nymph I meant BM refusing to sign. Manager has signed the forms I just wish they hadn't spent so long trying to get BM to comply. SW is going to London 2 days before we are due to leave.
I feel better now though hearing that you normally manage to get them. Thanks

OP posts:

nymphadora · 01/08/2010 08:33

We usually give birth parent 2x to sign but you can usually say which ones won't. Only had one refuse to hand it over. Majority I dealt with had been from scratch though and I then have to proof parents are British which can be a challenge.

Hope your kids get their holiday, it'll mean so much to them!

carrieboo75 · 13/08/2010 21:15

I have my fingers crossed for you. To be honest I don't think they think about the impact on thier kids or you, it's more a last bit of control thing, battle of will's them v social worker etc.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 14/08/2010 21:11

That's it carrie you are right.

The good news is we got the second passport last Thursday. We went on Saturday and the children had a brilliant time.

Poor SW went all the way to Wales after being told by passport agency that they would issue a passport without BMs signiture. When he got there they refused.
BM then for whatever reason decided to sign so SW had to go back again, bless him.

OP posts:

sumum · 15/08/2010 11:13

so glad it was all sorted and you had a good time, lots of nice memories for the children.

Original poster

dolphin13 · 15/08/2010 17:05

Thanks sumum it was great

OP posts:

caz2go · 15/08/2010 18:40

I,m glad it finally worked out and the kids got their holiday.
We will be wanting to take foster daughter abroad next year and hope we dont have to go through all that .
caz

carrieboo75 · 15/08/2010 19:48

Fab news, glad you all had a great time. Poor social worker though, twice to Wales and back is quite a day full!

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