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Forces sweethearts

Want to moan

5 replies

fedupwithdeployment · 25/04/2010 20:32

DH has been away since end Nov. It was a 6 month deployment and has turned into surprise there.

What I am annoyed at is that he gets 2 or 3 weeks leave during the deployment, and yet seems to have absolutely no influence over when he can take it. He has been back for one week, and we had a couple of rows about when would be best. I am now suggesting (have been for about a month) that he should come back for half term week. He is saying he can't because his new boss might be away. I think he should have booked the week a bit earlier.

I am ex services, I know the deal, but it really pisses me off that out of 8 months away, he is unlikely to be able to get a single week off over school holidays.

DH says he is sorry, but "we'll have to deal with it". By "we" he means "I". I work full time, have bought and sold a house, have had a (minor) operation, have had a new au pair start, don't have much family support...oh and have a 3 and a 5 year old to deal with, who are seriously missing Daddy at the moment. He says he understands, but I don't think he does at all. I have had to take 2 weeks unpaid leave to cover Easter and Feb half term and managed to rope-in PILs fromt eh other end of the country to help with AP changeover.

I really don't have any time to myself - I feel guilty that I have not written to him (we speak / skype pretty frequently), but it is more a time issue than me being lazy. He is similar. I know he is working hard (I know enough about the set up to know that he is not just saying this, and I also know a couple of people who are working with him).

I am at the stage now where I really can't be bothered to have a conversation with him. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Tis is probably not helped by him not getting me a birthday present or anything when I had the operation (the only person who rang me that day was the estate agent - twice).

Not sure what I am looking for. Just want to vent. If he uses his 11 weeks post deployment leave to watch the cricket, I think I'll divorce him.

OP posts:
Haveaseat · 25/04/2010 20:48

Ah poor you knocks my moans outta the water! Must be so difficult!

It's not easy to keep things going when away do long and to have conversations over skype. I don't know about you, I'm not good on phone ESP if it's something I feel strongly about!

I hope you get it resolved.

frakkinnuts · 26/04/2010 06:53

I feel bad for being angry with DH now about his working hours but at least he's shore based you win.

Well done for coping! I wish I knew your address so I could send you a bloody huge bunch of flowers because you deserve them and wine and chocolate.

fedupwithdeployment · 26/04/2010 07:54

Thanks both. Been watching lots of Mad Men and saw Julie and Julia at the weekend with some wine and leftover (children's) easter eggs...not sure the wine is a good idea with post op drugs, but hey ho...I'm still here.

OP posts:
luciemule · 26/04/2010 09:59

That's not good fedup. I know that when DH was away, he also couldn't take his R&R when he wanted as they had a big mission taking place right when his leave should have been. However, when he did take it, it wasn't that far away from his end date and so actually, although the waiting beforehand was crap, once he'd gone back after R&R, the time until he came home again was less. Since then, quite a few of his colleagues have done the same so haven't come home at the half way mark but 3/4 point instead.
How much longer have you got -July sometimes I guess?

fedupwithdeployment · 26/04/2010 11:11

End July...just before DS1 finishes school. 3/4 point wouldn't be so will be 9.5/10 point! And it might not be for a week, so you have to weigh up the disruption vs benefit to the children. A friend in a similar situation took the view that she would have a long weekend out there...but I am not sure that I could do that. boys pretty unhappy with life at the moment, so doesn't seem right to abandon them too, even for a relatively short time.

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