Can someone on here give me some advice to help me advice my sister who's in a relationship with a chap in the forces.

[brogan2]

Hi,
Sorry for long title but wasn't sure how else to word it.

Had a long chat with my sister last night. She's been seeing a really nice guy. He's an army officer. She met him at uni a few years ago.

She'd had a few drinks and she admitted that although she thinks she loves him she's holding back. The reason being is she's just not sure how being married to an army officer would affect her career. (she's a management consultant)

He has told her that lots of army wives carry on but also (she feels) implies that he'd rather she didn't.

She's not really sure how to go about finding info so I wondered if anyone on here could help.

So, do lots of wives/partners carry on with their careers? I know she loves her job, worked hard for it and earns good money. She really doesn't want to give it up though I'm fairly sure she's in love with him otherwise I think she'd leave to avoid the situation. Thing is, he is a lovely guy and would make a great unclt to my DCs but I wouldn't want her to be unhappy.

Is it the case that she'd just have to give it up? Would she be expected to travel with him? Would she need to live on the site? If they had kids is their adequate child care facilities for working mums?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to give her as much info as possible. Thanks

Sounds like army very different from the RN from these posts, so I might not be any help!

I have been with DH, a CPO in the RN, for 10 years, married for 8, 3 dc. It never occurred to me that Dh's job would affect my career in any way! I carried on working as a vet until I had dd1, when the long hours my job entailed made it impractical for me to go back to work f/t. I have worked p/t since, obviously with time off in between for subsequent pregnancies.

I can honestly say that in 10 years I have never been called upon to entertain any of DH's colleagues! We did have one of his mates and his girlfriend to dinner once, though! I've hardly met any other Navy wives, and have never been to any of the balls etc (DH's choice- I didn't even know about them until this year!!)

When DH is away/ posted down South, we stay put. The children go to nursery when I work. If I have to work late my dad helps out. DH comes home as and when he can.

I think it depends what kind of person your sister is. I am quite an independant person, and I'm not lonely or upset if DH is away. He is also pretty pragmatic about it all. He actively encouraged me to go back to work after having children, and I've never lived on a patch or been involved much with the RN (have seen DH's boat, though, as was starting to suspect he might be the janitor at the base!)

lucie - Reunion, French DOM-TOM. So 'technically' France but really.... It's definitely outre-mer (and much like France 30 years ago apparently). I want to go back to Toulon or Paris please. Or even Brest and I never thought I'd say that!

do you not like it then? How come?

All the BCBG wives I expect! Don't worry Frakkin, I know a BCBG French lady married to a Royal Marine Officer who finds English/Brit wives strange.

We've weekended/had sea time for much of our 24 year marriage, and have lived together for the past 4 years, which is the most amount of time we have EVER lived together. Dh has managed 3 back to back appointments here on the trot, which is great for family stability and the looming GCSE years, but not great for my career.

Soapsy - we weekended from Brussels for 2 years, and in reality it was 6 weeking, as Brussels to Cornwall is 12 hours whichever way one does it, and there are no flights nearer than Bristol. It was hard, and the thought of doing it for another 4 years was why in the end I resigned and moved.

luciemule - not DEFRA, no. We've had a conversation about what would happen if he gets a regiment, as I thought he would want me to join him too and had said that would be something I would take a career break for, but at the moment he says not. I guess he can always change his mind, and even if he picks up this year, it'll be another couple of years before command comes up, so we shall see.

joolyjoolyjo - maybe its men who marry vets realise that their wives may not be satisfied with staying at home full time. I know it drives me nuts. Being in practice was more of a stress factor than having a husband in the forces - big respect to you for combining it with family. I moved out of clinical work as soon as I decided it was no longer going to be practical with my lifestyle.