How can I help my friend whose dh has just left on posting and she has newborn?

[cassell]

One of my best friends has just had her first baby and her dh has now left (they had just a week together after the birth ) for 6mth posting in Afghanistan.

I would really welcome advice from those of you who've been in a similar position as to how best I can help her through this difficult time and what I should/shouldn't say/do? Not really sure how much I should refer to the fact he's away or not iyswim. What did you find most helpful from your rl friends or what irritated/upset you?

Any thoughts much appreciated

Ask her if she's sending e-blueys with pictures - that way she can keep him up to date in real time with the baby's development.
I would think that a helping hand with the housework/a bit of batch cooking for some meals for her/erands to post office/just a chat/walk to the park etc would be ideal.
I know it seems awful but she'll get through it.
It still shocks me when DHs dad tells us that his father was posted to India for 4 years and didn't see him until he was 4! I could not imagine that. His mother coped though and with the help of friends and family, managed to keep alive the essence of his father.
Your friend's baby will not rememeber his daddy being away so although it's not nice, better now than when he's 2 and can remember.

Thanks luciemule - e-blueys - good to know the jargon! Yes I'm planning to do the normal helping new mum stuff (my ds is 1 next week so remember the early days well!) it's just I remember getting in a state if my dh was away for a night let alone for 6mths that I can't imagine how she can cope with it. But then I guess she is more used to it and yes as you say it is better for the baby now than later.

Any other thoughts anyone?

Sundays (and) bank holidays can be quite cr*p when DHs are away (regardless of any new baby or not). Thats the time when alot of families are together and its the 1 day of the week I dont feel comfy with picking up the phone to people and asking if they are free for a chat/coffee etc because I am aware its "family time".

I had a brill friend (when I was in Scotland) who used to have me over to Sunday lunch from time to time or used to use me as a good excuse to break away from Sunday afternoon with her MIL!

Just make sure she knows she can call on you if/when needed (even at 2am - assuming you are happy for her to do this in an emergency) especially at those scary horrid times when the DC are ill or she is unsure what to do if DC ill etc - thats the horrid bit of being a new mum, sometimes just wanting someone else to offer their advice or reassurance.

Thanks a lot mum72 & loopymumsy, some good ideas there

Agree re the weekends and the evenings. Pop round with dinner / takeaway and a bottle of wine. Encourage her to visit friends - I did a tour of the UK when DH left me with 20 day old DS...actually it was good fun, catching up with old friends and family with no concerns re work and holidays.

And see how she is doing. Some people are absolutely fine in that situation (I was lucky), but others find it a lot harder and will need a lot more support.

Good luck.

My DH went away when DS was 8 months, my friend from next door was lovely, her husband went away a few weeks after mine, we were in and out of each others houses the whole time the men were away. We watched x factor with a bottle of wine most weekends, she looked after DS when I was ill, she even changed his nappy (she doesn't have children and nearly puked) we went to hers dinner on DS 1st birthday and bless her she even walked my dogs, she was a real star and I really miss her.

I would talk to her about her DH being away and go by her reaction to judge how much to talk about him.

Just be there for her, make her feel included, when you go shopping call her and ask if she needs anything, offer to look after the baby while she gets her hair cut. Invite her and other friends round to yours for food, wine and chocolates.

If she hasn't been to any baby groups yet offer to go with her.
You sound like a lovely friend.