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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Just starting ' the journey' but don't know how much I should do for DH...

4 replies

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 30/03/2010 13:24

DH has always wanted to be in the forces, but his dad didn't want him to then we got married, had a family etc. and it never came up, it was always discounted by as both. I found out a little more about it and talked to DH who was really happy to have it as an 'option' now - well, more than an option because come hell or high water we will get there.

What he wants to do (ideally, he will do anything if it came to it) requires obviously the fitness and 5 GCSEs. THe problem is DH has never had any sort of discipline in anything really - he left school at 16 with a few Gs, never did anything much (by that I mean he did always work but just jobs, no career) as that was normal for his family really. I on the other hand , despite being an exhausted mum of 2 boys and it all going to pot abit, have had that in my life. DH is wonderful - works so hard but needs a size 5 boot up his backside alot because he just cannot seem to get into that frame of mind. He is far from lazy, just never had organisation. Now, part of me thinks I should let him sink or swim himself but on the other hand, once he gets that into his life I am so sure he will run with it. I have been The Boss for him (I did all his training schedule , been helping him revise for his exams, helping him with his college work, sorting out his diet for him) but have kind of stopped and it's all fallen apart abit. I should note he up to last week was working 60 + hours a week, up at 4.30 - 5 every day, 3 nights he has college after work and then has to deal with homelife - 2 DSs, another on the way with possible problems and me with depression. So, in a nutshell, do you think it's OK to carry him for a while because I know he has such potential but just has never had the discipline instilled in him. Isn't that abit what the initial training is about anyway, just working with "potential to be" types? Or do I think if he wants it this badly he should boot himself up the backside and learn it himself?

Sorry it's long and waffly , been on my mind alot

OP posts:
luciemule · 30/03/2010 14:00

Hi SLD -I think once he's there, he'll realise that yes, that it's definitely what he wants and will be proud of what he has acheived to get there but also then be proud of what he'll accomplish throgh his training. Has he already been accepted for training?
Even for people who don't seem that organised, they soon will be and will come to relish the discipline (physical and mental). If he needs to 'carry' him until he's there, then I think that's fine - it won't be long until he's taking over again. Sounds like he could be suffering with depression too though - lack of motivation, appearing lazy but really isn't inspired to take control etc.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 30/03/2010 14:32

Not accepted for training yet as he needs to get fit first and finish his GCSEs. He is definatly not depressed - he literally doesn't know how to organise himself and kick himself up the bum, but would happily do anything I told him to - even going for a jog at 10 pm after being up since 5. He is organised in as much as he is rarely late for anything, gets organised for work etc. fine. I feel like I need a whistle For example, before he started college I got him organised with ring binders, folders, a drawer to at least shove everything in the same place and there is paperwork all over the house and car as he never uses the folders [sigh]

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luciemule · 30/03/2010 16:46

Sorry ASLD - didn't mean to imply he was depressed - just thought a few bits you had said might have been signs of being a bit depressed - didn't mean to be blunt, sorry.

The whole organisation thing just sounds like blokes to me really - he sounds very practical though and knows what he's got on etc. He perhaps just has a different way of doing things to you, although if it all hangs in the balance and this is his next career, you'll p'raps need to chivvie him along still until he's there.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 30/03/2010 19:52

No no, it's ok Glad it just sounds like normal bloke stuff though, was worried (though would never say) maybe he was just not cut out for it Will go back to my "cruel to be kind" stance

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