What to wear???

[2tontess]

Hi girls, I'm not a very regular poster, I think this is my first time on this board, but I could really do with some advice/assistance.

DH (sgt) has a function coming up in the mess and for the first time I am hoping to accompany him. I have managed to avoid all previous functions due to childcare/breastfeeding etc. No excuses this time!

My questions is, what does a 'lady' who lives in jeans and fleeces wear to these functions? I have recently purchased my first pair of black trousers and court shoes at the grand age of 33

Also, is there some sort of etiquette I should be aware of? Despite being married to the army for 6 years I have never been very involved in the lifestyle, mainly due to DH previous posting being close to home. The main thing putting me off is fear of making an arse of oneself and DH fear of the unknown.

Any idea why my strike out won't work?

It depends on the function. If it's a formal sit down dinner, then you need an evening dress and you should have your shoulders covered (a shrug, wrap, shawl etc). If it's a ball or a dinner dance, you can get away with bare shoulders. For both theses occasions, the dress should be long.

If it's drink/cocktails, then a cocktail dress is the way to go (knee length etc).

Friends of mine swear by buying a gorgeous balck dress and changing accessories for various functions.

Good luck!

PS: beware buying from Monsoon and Coast - that's where everyone goes and you can guarantee that someone will be wearing the same dress as you!

Why does it have to be long? Is the sgt's Mess still strict on dress length and bare shoulders?

Depends on the Mess too, some will allow women in trousers at a less formal function.

You see all sorts of dress these days. You don't have to cover your shoulders - even in a Cavalry mess.

I always wear long 'cause I don't like my calves but lots of woemn do wear cocktail dresses to the knee for formal dinners and balls.

Thanks for your help, very much appreciated I think I will go with something long as I'm not very proud of my legs lol

Is there anything else I should be aware of? I really am clueless

Pass the port to the left.

What sort of 'do' is it?

Depends how formal it is:-

Once the meal has started there's no going to the loo until "comfort/cigarette break" is announced

Don't start your food until the most senior person has tucked in

Save some drink for the toasts

If there's a toast to the ladies, don't stand up

I'm not sure how much of this is particular to the officers' mess, but some of it may crop up!

Btw, I'd never heard of dress protocol till I read it on MN

Generally, the person to the left hosts you.
Before the port is poured, they'll clear all of the glasses - even if you're not drinking port, fill it with water and still raise glass to toast.
Definitely go to the loo as close to dinner as poss and go again in loo break even if you think you don't need to!

"You see all sorts of dress these days. You don't have to cover your shoulders - even in a Cavalry mess. "

I#m glad to hear it - I haven't been a formal Mes function since 2005, so my advice was probably behind the times. :D

You even hear regional accents and witness 'knife like pen'

Probably a bit late now, but dress code depends on what the RSM prefers, so get your husband to check. Our current RSM is pretty relaxed, and although dress code is supposed to be 'below the knee' I have seen some, um... sights, and nothing has been said. I think tbh, as long as you don't look slutty or wear something too short and it's obvious you've made an effort, that would be fine.

I usually go for full length as I don't like my legs either, and I do usually go to Coast or Karen Millen. I have never found anyone in the same outfit and except at Christmas, most people don't tend to go to Coast etc at all in the messes we have been in as it is too expensive. I have also been to smaller boutiques for dresses too. I avoid Debenhams, as lots of people seem to go there.

Jumping into this late too, but could be useful for someone else!
Always check with the CMC/PMC or mess rules. But at mixed rank functions uppers and downers I always think about the price ranges that people can afford and if it's an all rank do in the SGTs or OFFs mess knee length is fine I think. Trousers even evening dress i would avoid. Dining ins and balls go long you won't go wrong! Be prepared to have your shoulders covered i.e. make the effort to have a wrap, but ditch it in the loo if no one else is bothering. If you are unlucky lucky enough to be top table a little shrug or wrap tied at the back is a good idea because you can bet your life the high rankers mrs are all wearing 'em this year. I like shrugs easier to eat in them! Wraps just slip off all the time!