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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Coping with long deployments

8 replies

Megami · 13/11/2009 10:24

My husband is going on a continuity posting to Afghanistan next year. So six months away from home training (but in the UK - we will see him some weekends) then twelve months in Afghanistan.
I have a five year old son, and this is a long time for it to be just him and me! Also, we have no family in the UK, so you can imagine I am getting just a little worried about it being just us two for a long period of time - more worried about sending each other mental than anything else!
I am planning that we (son and I) might do one big trip around Europe for eight weeks as a bit of a treat, but I can't afford to do something like that for the whole time DH is away! Does anyone have any tips/coping mechanisms they can recommend (other than gin or vodka )

OP posts:

FourArms · 13/11/2009 11:57

Are you living in a quarter? In this area (Plymouth) there are organised events for families with a deployed parent. They help pass a bit of time.

The first few weeks are hard, but after that you get into the routine, and it's OK. Presumably you'll be able to speak by phone & skype (this would be fab for your DS), and will be able to email?

My tip is to make the most of the training time (when you still see him), and the last few weeks before he goes. Get lots of financial things (elec, gas, cars, banks, phone) transferred into your name. Get a Power of Attorney sorted. Make sure you have a will . Ensure you get him to do anything you need help with (put xmas decs away, get suitcases out of loft...) because it's harder by yourself.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Focus on the R&R time (if he gets one) and plan things for the weekends to count the time down.

My DH has been gone since August. I haven't spoken to him (by phone or email) since September. It really hasn't been all that bad as I've kept very busy!

Original poster

Megami · 13/11/2009 12:07

Thanks Four Arms. I live in a Quarter, but he is not going as part of a regiment, so no special organised events (and I don't really 'do' them most of the time anyway. I know, I need to get over myself). But I know that there will be people taking care, or at least keeping an eye on me.
DH has gone away before - before my son was born he went away for months with no internet or phone contact, just the occasional letter. He also went away when my son was a baby, but that time was only four months.
Oh, and I have previously learned the hard way about making sure things are in my name ...
Hope you hear from your DH soon.

OP posts:

SandyChick · 13/11/2009 22:42

Hello, my DH has been away since August too. We have a 2 year old ds. I cope by putting my blinckers on and keeping busy. I find the first month or 2 the hardest so try to take ds away for the odd weekend to have something fun to look forward too. After that i feel we settle into a little routine. Much to the horror of my DH i tend to decorate alot

Original poster

Megami · 16/11/2009 21:55

"Much to the horror of my DH i tend to decorate alot."

Too funny, so do I

OP posts:

penguin73 · 09/01/2010 20:07

My DH is in the same situation though shorter notice. Don't want to post details on an open forum but contact me if you want to try and help each through it....

luciemule · 27/01/2010 12:58

Hi Megami - my DH went away when I pregnant for 4 motnhs, then when DD was 1 for 6 months, then 6mths when DD was 3 and DS 1 and then finally his last one was our last posting but that was only for 3 mths so I know how hard it is when you've got little ones. I found that by doing something nice each day and then something more special at weekends, got us through. I got loads of info from the HIVE and just took off with the kids or gave them treasure hunts in the garden, big picnic bike rides etc. Is there anyone else at all in a quarter who has someone away at the same time? If yes, then could you partner up/babysit for each other etc?
I guess your DS is at school in the day? Do you work? If not, could you do something voluntarily just to pass some time and to keep your mind active?
My DH spent a long time on one op tour with no comms for weeks at a time and I found that really hard. You get through it though - it will be hard to start with but time gets faster as the tour goes on. Good luck.

Booyhoo · 27/01/2010 13:05

my Oh went to the falklands last year for 6 months. he left when ds2 was 11 days old so not the best timing wise.

i have to say, i found it easier to deal with as time went on. i think because everyday was a day closer to his return. ds1 was 4 at the time. he did find the first few days hard but we tried to make it an adventure. we got him a globe lamp and traced with a marker all the stops daddy was making so he could see how he was making his way back up home soon. he really enjoyed doing this and took great pleasure in telling people exactly how many weeks it was til he hot home.

luciemule · 27/01/2010 13:09

As your DS is 5, perhaps you could make a scrap book of his year whilst dh is away. Collect bits from where you go and photos etc so he can show his dad when he gets home. Then if he's bored and you want a rest, he can always sit down and do a bit of that.

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