ARMY CADETS HELP

[shoptilidrop]

Hi

Ive just found out the real reason my marriage broke up.
Mu husband was having an affair with an adult army cadets instructor. he is also an instructor.

Does anyone know if this is allowed?

does it matter?
they had an affair they shouldn't have but they did.

yes it does

What "rank" does you Husband hold, and the other Adult instructor?

If one is an 'Officer' then they will be liable to AGAI 67

www.army.mod.uk/documents/general/agai_67_2008.pdf

This is the discipline system for the military ( yes the instructors that hold officer ranks are liable to this)

its based on the values and standards of the british army, and whether or not someone has met or failed this.

If you are feeling bitter (as one would be!) You should right a letter/email to your husbands commanding officer ( prob a Lt Col at the head quarters of the ACF area ) and make a complaint about this other women/man (?) as extra marital affairs are not allowed (if you have any evidence then send a copy of that too)

The CO will be forced to investigate this.

Even if they are 'NCOs' then I would still make a complaint which could lead to them being asked/forced to leave the ACF.

As the ACF is for the young, the instructors are supposed to be role models of sorts, and its clear your husband and this other person are not

my (ex) husband is a coprol in the normal army. He volunteers has has done for year.
This other instructor is a sgt and is only 19.

i did not think it was allowed.
i will write a letter as this affair cause the breakup of our marriage and is the reason my ( ex husband ) is neglecting his daughter.

thank you

First let me say i am sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

That fact that your Ex is a regular Cpl makes things a bit more "interesting" in the sense that he IS under AGAI 67, and you can write to his regular CO

are you still in contact with the welfare officer/families officer? They will be able to help you through this. from my experience you will need to get them on side as you dont want to come across as a bitter ex wife which know doubt your Ex will try and portray you as.

when you say neglecting your daughter do you mean time or money. if she is still young enough then CSA should becoming direct from his pay. If its time then im afraid there is not much anyone can do to make a man step up

I wonder if this instructor was once a cadet herself? Is their relationship well known? If you could prove their relationship started when she was a cadet then he abused his position of authority, regardless of her age.

Point to note that if he is found to have breached the service test for AGAI 67 then he could loss a rank which would in turn loss him money thus reduced CSA payments BUT more likely he would get a promotion ban or something of that nature.

Ive just read the other post ref your husband, what a twat!!!

You should def go to the families/welfare officer and inform them of the situation. use the issue of him neglecting your daughter as a way to get an interview, then present them with the cheating evidence etc.

the only thing is were you legally separated, divorced or just separated when he had this affair? that will make a difference for AGAI 67. things you could add are like having unprotected sex with yourself whist he was with the other girl, if he was add this in as its seen as endangerment to you, all good ammo against him.

Once work knows, he will be dragged in front of his officers and made to look like the idiot he is, plus they will never look at him the same way!!!

take him down. Is your divorce through? if not make sure you get half his pension, that will kick him in balls.

No we were not seperated when the affair started. We were ( or i thought) happily married and trying for a baby.
I moved out oa married quarters 2 months ago now. But i am going to phone the uwo tomorrow and write a letter to his CO and the AFC leader type person too.
Hes told me that all the cadets and insructors know about their relationship and are happy for them.
He promoised me money to help with the deposit for my home. As iyet i have seen nothing. But hes had the money to take his new gf to hotels, shows in london.. adventure training weekends etc.....
Also his is not seeing his daughter, he says he working. Ive found out he is actually doing cadet things.. which is voluntary.
Im sure if i report this to all that i have mentioned this will not be looked on as good?
thanks for all you advice.
If you have any idea how i can word a letter i would be grateful.

I am an Army wife - I could try and help if you like.

Sorry for you.

I would not believe a word that comes out of this 'mans' mouth. I doubt that ALL the instructors know and are happy for them, sounds like bull to me. I doubt the senior officers know, more like the minion ncos.

also he would have needed permission from his reg CO/OC to be doing this cadet stuff, CRB checks etc so informing the reg CO of his behavoir should get his permission taken away so no more cadet stuff for him

Why did you move out of the MQ? if he has left you then you can stay for a min of 6 months ( he has to pay ) and only when you are officially separated (on JPA records) can you be asked to leave by the army, again with time to find a council property if required.

Is he still in the MQ? he should be in the block, not the MQ.

Sounds like you need to arrange a face-to-face meeting (if possible) with the UWO rather than just a call.

I know its not fun airing dirty laundry in public, but the UWO will not tell those that dont need to know.

Im guessing/hoping that you want to leave this manboy behind you and move on to a better life, so you do need to get a few things sorted than dont apply to civi divorces. The UWO can run through all of this with you in detail. (such as CSA out of pay, and divorce options, as said before go for the pension as its worth far more than civi women know)

You do need to go 'armed' with evidence of his affair. any emails/text from him reference money, admitting cheating/being with this girl.

The army welfare service will be able to help you with any questions you have before you go in with the UWO

www.army.mod.uk/welfare-support/family/1153.aspx

I moved out of the MQ as i was told i had 3 months to move on, after which it was my responsibilty. I found a job back in my home town and a nice house and just went for it. He promised to pay me back the money for the house deposit but im guessing im unlikely to see that.
I have drafted a letter to the AFC and im going to do one to the regimatal co and copy in the families office later today.
He is in the block, house was handed back 2 weeks after i left. He paid me no maintence in this time as he said he could not afford to do that and pay for the mq.
I am trying to move on. Im in my own house, job is ok and am starting to make friends. But it seems just as im starting to feel ok i find out something that floors me and knocks me back to square one.

what do you know about the pension? we were married for almost 8 years. Together for 10. What will i be entitled too?

i dont have any proof other than what was on this girls facebook page. Messages,status updates then pictures. After speaking with a few people i dont think thats going to be solid enough eveidence for adultery. He has cheated several times and it is by no means his first affair.

Its all a bloody nightmare to be honest.

It all sounds like hell! it also sounds like you are far far better off without him. your future looks bright

i found an ex had take over 10k of my money, spent it all on drugs and women, whilst i was away with work, when i found out he tried to deny it, then tried to kill himself. he never pad it back, last i heard was he had a baby with some poor young girl then did the same to her (also found out he had 2 other children i hadnt know about,after 2 years together . )

I now see i had a bloody lucky escape but at the time i was in pieces I look back and cant believe i wasted time and emotions on that man

anyway....back to you! as a Cpl he must be on at least £25k a year so he can afford a lot of CSA. The CSA love the military as they take the money from source. CSA will say how much he can afford not him.

in regards to the pension, you would need to get legal advise, but i would expect you to be able to get half of 8 years later on in life or a lump sum now. the UWO can advise you on military legal specialist. This is very complicated.

ex wives of those in the military tend to do well in divorces as most give up their life ( job, friends, family etc) to follow their husbands around the world, and put up with op tours.

shoptilidrop this is awful for you cannot help much just wanted to offer military wifey support, although I guess at this point you don't want much contact with anyone connected to the military.

Keep strong and stick with the facts, be as factual and unemotional as possible when dealing with the military types I would be very surprised if they weren't willing to help you.

When you say the cadet leader is Sgt rank, I pressume that is her cadet rank not full time service rank? Is she 19? Not to strike fear in your heart just wondering?

thanks for all your advice and help.
sounds like you had a lucky escape too.
Ive just had him on the phone for over an hour ranting at me that his gf has dumped him and its my fault and that i ruined his life and he will never forgive me!
LOL
right then... what an idiot.
Im still going to send the letter to the acf and his co. I dont know if i should belive that they have split up but that is not the issue.
He says they did not get together until we seperated, and that might have just been hours but we were still seperated... what a joke.
He tells me i can only take 4 years of his pension. I told him i would not dicsuss it and that it can be dealt with legally.
I will wipe the floor with him now.
thank you

yes that is her cadet rank she is 19 and in the process of applying to get into the army.
thanks for the support

I am not sure or in anyway qualified to say this but, that is her cadet rank. Surely he is in a position of trust, must have been checked and cleared to do the job etc and the relevant authorities (including his employers) could take a very dim view of this. Given that students soldiers/airmen are in training aged 16 it's a major violation...full stop.

So sorry you have this to deal with.

He is a scared little boy . he knows what you and more importantly your daughter are entitled to, and knows it will leave him with nothing to spend on his new thing! brilliant.

unless you were legally separated on JPA, in the eyes of the military he cheated.

he also knows that if you let the CO of regs and cadets know what he has been up to, he will be in some shit. its not going to take away the pain of what he did, but im sure it will feel good to screw him over.

well done for being so strong. as someone else has said, try and be unemotional and factual when dealing with UWO so that they can see you are not just trying to be bitter or spiteful.

goodluck

she is there as a cadet and he is there in his capacity as an adult instructor. that makes it particularly bad news from his own administrative viewpoint, notwithstanding your own situation.

whatever you intend to do, you must make it crystal clear in your communication with the acf/ his co, that he was having an affair with a cadet. she is NOT an adult army cadet instructor. please make sure you understand the distinction and convey this to them.

i work in a military training establishment, and instructors are NOT allowed to have relationships with their students. end of.

this is worse. she is there as a CHILD in a uniformed youth organisation, and he is there as an ADULT. it will of course be complicated by her age 'outside', and as such i am not sure if anyone will bother to do anything (except bar him from the acf, which is what i would expect as a minumum tbh) other than the usual when a family breaks down. it would be difficult to post him etc as he is there as a volunteer and it has nothing to do with his regular work. i would suggest you go down the 'bringing the army into disrepute' line.

utterly horrible for you. so sorry

Just to update - ive had a call from him about 2 hours ago he was ver very angry and i refused to argue with him
But he has been suspended from cadets.
I dont know anymore than that and i presume i will get a letter.
Im also presuming that she will be suspended or something too?
has made my day!

just found out she has been suspended too.
They are both facing a formal investigation.
He has also been called in in front of the famiies officer and the reigmental CO.
He is not happy with me at all and says he cant understand why i would do it to hime.
RESULT!

how satisfied must you feel!

This should all help to get you and your daughter CSA payments and a good and fair divorce settlement.

the fact that he can not understand why you have done this shows what sort of person he is. he has cheated on you (numerous times), not paid for his child, put a another women above his child,and he still expects you to be nice to him!!!

.... love the fact he is in front of the CO.

oh yes - i feel very pleased.
It does show what sort of man he is. He kept saying that why would i ruin his life, than i had undone all his good work and taken away one of the most important things in his life.

right

like he hadnt done that to me more than once.

in any case, its not me his has to explain to now...

Yes good question why would you ruin his fun carefree shagging presumably just because you're jealous and really don't put your DD first in life! Good for you and stay strong, what goes around comes around and this immature specimen deserves what he gets, and I hope it's a whole world of poo! Sorry if that was vitriolic, but I know of at least a couple (and one more time recently) where decent people have been hurt by this attitude and the more people like you that follow the proper channels and do something about their DPs the better.

Well done you for staying strong, keep posting if it helps. x

thanks!
Thanks for all the support everyone too.
I have put up with his behavior for almost the enitre 8 years of our marriage. I have forgive, taken the blame and belived it to be me in the wrong.
BUT ITS NOT ME.

its him - and finally i decided to do something about it. Not just becuase of the appaling way i have been treated, but for the terrible way he neglects his daughter, so im fighting for her.

so thank you all again - ill keep this thread updated with anynew info.

Well done you.

Sorry about your shit of husband.

Military wives tend to do very well in divorce settlements if it helps. Don't let the arse get out of paying CSA either.

Keep posting.