Bloke's first trip away since we had the baby...

[FfreckleFface]

Bloke left for Afghanistan in the early hours of this morning. Four month tour - second time sonce we've been married, but the first time since we had little Ff (she is nearly 13months). I'm fine, I think. No chance to miss him yet, and I figure that she is already down one parent at the moment, without me turning into a weeping wreck. So, we've had a pretty normal Sunday, littered with all the usual first day phone calls from friends and family checking I'm ok.

Ff seems absolutely fine. Nothing is hugely different I suppose - I work from home, so am always here with her, and there are days when she doesn't see her dad. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience of husbands going away and leaving a baby of a similar age? Obviously I don't want her to be upset and missing him too much, but it would break his heart if he came back and she didn't know him.

I'm not too concerned as she is a happy little thing, but it would be nice to hear from others who have been in the same boat, to see if there are any tips for making it as pain free as possible.

Hi

DH did 6 months last year leaving when DD was 16 months so a bit older. I was 20 weeks pg with DS. I just made sure we talked about Daddy all the time and we had a picture of him up on the wall in the hall which we kissed good night at bedtime and talked about.

I found that as long I was constant in DD life she was OK about the whole thing and just accepted Daddy was at work far away. She was so pleased to see him for leave and at the end of the tour.

Compared to people whos kids were older I thought it was slightly easier with DD being that bit younger.

Good luck a tour is different when you have a small person but you get through it.

Hi Ff

My dh has deployed for a min of 6 months every year of ds2's life (he's almost 4). The worst for us as parents was dh leaving ds as a 6 week old baby and returning to a 10month old. For ds2 I would say the most difficult for him so far was the last years when he wasn't quite 3 and knew daddy had gone but couldn't totally understand why or where. He seems to have coped so much better with this current deployment as he now knows where the date is marked on the calendar and which picture will mean daddy should be on his way home

We talk about dh all the time and look at pictures alot, he has a picture of dh by his bed, and we make pictures etc to post out. He says "goodnight" to daddy on the moon everynight (for a while there he actually thought dh was on the moon ) He will still say he misses dh and get upset but I explain to him that thats what dh has to do for his job and he seems to understand and accept that.

He has never not known dh when he comes home and even in the first deployment when dh returned to him at 10months, the little boy who would not go happily to anyone other than mummy, was all smiles and giggles the moment his daddy picked him up (at 3am in the morning ...sigh)

I believe that routine is comforting to children and try to keep ds's while dh is away. I also don't make a thing of dh coming home until I know for certain its happening - have learned the hard way with the older children that its easier to deal with your own disappointment/anger/frustration at homecoming date changing if you are not surrounded by sobbing children who are constantly telling you "but YOU said..."

Show her lots of photos of him as well, DS has a photo of DH by his bed like lemonadesparkles DS. I am finding that it is only in the last year, maybe less (DS is nearly 4) that DS is missing him. Before that he was very into me and as long as our routine didn't change then he was ok when DH was away. Now he will tell me that he misses him though.

Thank you. I'm going to have to dig out a nice photo to put up for her...Bloke is a photographer when he isn't being an armourer, so tends to be on he other side of the camera all of the time!

Luckily, we have a nice solid routine that needn't change while he is away, so it shouldn't be too disruptive for her.

He called today, and said he's arrived safely and is getting settled in, so I suppose I start ticking off the days now.

Can he record something like a bedtime story so she still knows his voice? I know there's a teddy-bear with an MP3 player which does something similar but tbh I figure that's a waste of money when you can just do a tape or CD!

It'd probably be quite difficult as he's now gone but I'm sure there's a way around it. Or little podcasts - like phone calls but replayable.

Build-a-Bear do the teddies with the voice recorders inside. You could send the voice recorder out to him, he sends it back, you get it put into the bear. DH did this for both our girls before he went away last year, they loved it!

Forces parents can record stories in theatre as well as before they leave. They then get sent off to be edited and have sound effects added they are fab. They then send them to you in the post on CD. My husband did one before his last tour and we played it a lot usually during the day as at bedtime I usually cried when I heard his voice!!!! Its called storybook soldier the education centre did them at our last posting and out in theatre. Ask your welfare about it or get you other half to enquire in theatre. They usually have books out there to choose from or you could post out copies of what you want him to read. Details are on the MOD website I just checked

PS its completely FREE

Ooh, that sounds awesome, thank you. I'll tell Bloke to investigate.

This week has been easier than I thought it would be. The absolutely stonking weather has helped, as we've ben out and about with the dogs, taking advantage of the sunshine. I think a succession of rainy days might have made it more difficult.

4 days down, and I'm not even counting how many there are to go.

you'll be fine it is a hard old slog. You are right the good weather really helps to raise your spirits. It is a nightmare when you are stuck at home.

From my own experiences, it's so much easier when theyare younger. DH is away just now and my Dses are 11 and 9, and it's so hard. it is a ocnstant battle with them, their behaviour ahs gone downhill, they are both getting very upset about silly little things, etc.
DS1 was 9 motnhs old when DH went awy for 12 weeks on a course, and it was definately easier.
Hope you all get on ok

Hi there!
My DH is about to go away for 7 months in Afghan and we have a 11 month old son.
I have pickedup some good ideas from the other ladies who've replied. Made some laminated photo's for him to have while he's playing, and DH has made a story book soldier cd for DS to listen to before bed.

I find DS is so used to his daddy coming and going what with one training ex after another that he doesn't seem to phased by him leaving.DH has only been home for 10 weeks in total since DS was born.
I was scared that he's forget his daddy but after 10 a week block away, a few months ago, he DEFINATELY remmbered him the second he saw him.

Its a tough time, but I've found some great people on here with fab ideas about how to make things easier. I wish your DH all the best for a swift and safe return. And hope tht you and your wee one do lots to keep busy while he's away!! they certainly keep your mind occupied, My DS makes the days fly by! lol

M x x

The RAF version of storybook soldiers is Storybook wings. Just as good. Brilliant idea and my DH recorded 2 stories before he went away to Afganistan earlier this year. He's done 2 more while there.
DH being away is not really having much affect on DD 10 months old, or DS nearly 4 tbh. Except possibly they are both enthralled by any male visitor to the house particularly those in uniform! My friends poor DH is lolled all over by both of them whenever he pops round. Routine and keeping busy seems to be getting me through!