need some advice about the TA's / serving with young children / just general opinion pls

[mosschops30]

I have posted in 'other subjects' but someone suggested I should come on here so hope this is the right place.

I have wanted to join the TA for a few years, I havent done it yet, but its always in the back of my mind. Im a qualified nurse with a critical care qualification so think I would have something to offer those members of our forces out in Afghan or Iraq.

Just wanted some opinions really, my best friend is in the army so Im not completely naiive about it, and also have a friend in the TA but shes not in as a nurse. Would like some opinions on whether its appropriate for a married woman with two kids to want to do this? (dh thinks not)

TIA

Mothers serve in both regular forces and in the reserves. Have worked with a couple of nurses who are in the TA, one is single and one is married with youngish children.
Both have served in Iraq.

At the end of the day, it is up to how you think you would cope with not seeing your children for up to six months+ at a time. Yes, you do have email access and telephones but this can be and is restricted fairly often, so can't always guarantee to be able to contact family when you want to.

Then, as I'm sure you'll be aware, it is dangerous. When friend and dh were in Iraq, they were being attacked several times a day.

I'm married to someone who's in the navy and my dh finds it tough being away from home for long periods of time as we have two very young children and he is missing out on so much.

If this is something you really want to do, then I would say go for it as I don't think you'll ever regret doing it.

is your dh in the services regular/ta?

Don't know if you mean my dh, but he is in the regular navy.

my dh is not in the services.

I think the time for tours in the TA is two months, just because you have to be excused from work so they cant take you for too long (or so Ive been told), not sure I could do 6 months.

I think i will regret NOT doing it

I've not long left the service as a Nursing Officer, although posted overseas, I was never deployed on operations ( stood down the first time as not required, and pregnant second time) when I retured to work I was unoffically "ringfenced" for a year and kept near my new baby.

However once that year was up I was due to be deployed to either iraq or afghanistan for 6 months. That was the job I signed up to do, after much heart searching I decided I couldn't do it (motherhood DID change me, so I served my years notice.

It is not for the faint hearted, I loved my time serving, but you need to be really sure tht you would be happy to leave your children for extended periods and be able to cope with the fact you may not return

sorry cali - I ment OP.

moss - i think it is tricky if both parents are serving, these couples have to face the possibility of both parents being deployed at the same time.
But i am not sure if the tours are any shorter if you are TA. Have you been to a recruitment centre

Mosschops although you may have been told 2 months, yours is a VERY valued speciality and it is not unheard of for people to go for longer...

Although I may have sounded slightly downbeat in my post I do think it is something you may regret not doing (it still rankles slightly that I never deployed). It's jut as case of working out is this the right time for you....

glucose, dh works fairly close to home and we have good childcare so Im sure he'd cope!

Doris, were you full time then or TA?

Im going to go this week I think, do I go to the regular army recruitment centre or is there a special TA one?

mosschops, yes I am sure he may cope, but you will be on tour and he will be listening to news of soldiers dying, and so will your children.
please do not underestimate the stress that forces families (regular and ta)face in 'flying the flag' at home.
sorry to be blunt

I'm not in the forces but my eldest (12) is at boarding school so the longest I've had to go without seeing her is nearly 4 weeks and the first term was absolutely awful, I cannot impress on you how my heart ached for her. I'm not a touchy feely, close type of relationship with her Mum (IMO) and it was horrendous so I would honestly say don't do it.

I was FT.

Look online there should be lots of recruitment stuff, from what I remember about the TA ( I nearly joined myself when I was newly qualified ) You join a medical unit rather than a general TA one.

Rather than signing on the dotted line maybe investigate what is available in your area, and see if you could attend. where you would be going to the evening "sesions" , how far are they away from home(pregnancy brain is making it very diffficult to write) as they are more likely to be a feature of life in the short term. How much additional training you would be expected to undertake. How many weekends/ week training/ predeployment periods you would have.

Forgieve me but how old are your children, as if they are more capable of looking after themselves this would be much easier as it has the potential to eat significantly into your time off work ( probably more so than if you were a regular as most training is done evening/ weekends) Do you run yor children to activities here there and everywhere etc etc etc.

Summary -google see, whats local and go along

great thanks will look at that. The dc's are 4 and 13 so the oldest one would be fine but yes leaving ds would be a nightmare, but i still feel its something I would like to do.
Would be interesting to know if I can join TA but not go on a tour for a number of years (so that ds is older)
I dont do too much running around for them, but would deffo need to find out how many weekends and stuff are involved.

Right well looks like next stop will be army recruitment just to see what the options are

It is unlikely that your would be able to defer tours, as you are paid for evenings and weekends ( and tours)and to put it bluntly they want their money's worth. (DH suggests looking up the reserve forces act)

With you're qualification you are also far more likely to be deployed and more regularly than a general nurse. FT regular collegues with ITU quals were out and back frequently.

I don't want to put you off but I also don't want you to believe everything the recruiters suggest (particularly as they are rarely knowledgable about medics). As I said earlier speak to someone at your local unit for a lie of the land. Where abouts in the uk are you??

don't you feel you contribute enough just by being a critical care nurse, a mother , and a wife?

again - hope this is not to blunt, but I think your dh's opinion (that this is not appropriate) is a valid one.

yes our forces need help, and the recruiting centres will do nothing to stop you joining up - but does it really need to be you?

Im in Cardiff, I know we have a local TA unit and also the welsh field hospital barracks are fairly close by.

I dont know why it shouldnt be me. Im guessing lots of the men and women out there in TA or reg army have family and young ones and they still do it.

Have you looked at www.armyjobs.mod.uk???

it's got details of local unit and recruiting offices as well.

yes ive tried but pc is playing up tonight and everything i look at apart from MN is in about 100 font so is difficult to read.

Will go into offices next week and see what they say, theres no rush I can just get some info and see how I feel about it and ask some questions

I served with women who left young children to deploy, and I have total respect for their decision, it just wasn't one I could make, I tried but couldn't do it,( for me that was the right one as it happens, as dd2 has CF).

I would never never tell anyone not to join, for me it happened at the right time in my life and I had a brilliant time.... serving overseas, training etc.

Only you and your dh can decide whether the time is right for you, just go into it with your eyes open and research, research, research and you should be ok.

Good luck!!!!

I was navy but medical services work closely together now so if you do have anymore questions I will try to help!!

(good the mn isn't affected )

thanks doris for all your help and advice, and I will certainly drive you nuts by picking your brains

Have managed to look at website now, if I join a national centre rather than a regional (which is likely if you want to specialise) then its 19 days per year which is just weekends away and a camp. It does say though that you should expect to be deployed within 5 years. Looks like I'll have lots of reading to do

those other men and women out there(that you mention) are not your dh & your dc, their dps and dc may whole heartedly support them in their service, and even then find seperation, & stress difficult

in your OP you mentioned that your dh did not think it appropriate, i understand that this is something you really feel a great need to contribute to - but can you do this knowing your dh's feelings?

probably a selfish attitude but if I really want to do something then I will do it, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Obviously as long as its not 'darling I'd like to have sex with your brother' or something similar then I think he has to respect my choices

is his brother nice?!

i hope I have not sounded to harsh, i admire you for having the determination to do this

i just know how it feels to be the one left at home, this to is a sacrifice

Hi I've namechanged, but am a regular on Mn. I was in the TA for 10 years. I was a single parent at the time.

It is very difficult but not impossible. Unless rules have changed you could not "defer" going on tour, if you were called up you were called up, simple as that. When I joined you had sign agreeing that you could go away if called and I had to have a letter from the person who would look after your children, agreeing to accept the responsibility of looking after them. It's not just the occasional weekend, you have to agree to a minimum number of days including an annual 2 week camp.

If dh is not backing you, you would not be able to join, it is difficult enough if you are single. I ended upo doing 6mths in Bosnia when my child was 12 and just starting secondary shcool. Hard very hard.

There is a terrible list of negatives but would I do it again? Like a bloody shot! I loved every minute of being in the TA, well ok not every minute especially when you're cold, wet and hungry and wondering WTF you're doing this for, but sense of achievement? You bet and I get to wear my medal every Arminstice day, gives the playground mafia something to think about

Wow godmother what an inspirational post, thank you so much for posting all that and I admire you for doing that as a single parent too must have been very hard.
Were you medical?
Why havent you re-joined?

lol at glucose I wouldnt touch his brother with a barge pole