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Forces sweethearts

Scared...and he isnt going for another 6 months yet

16 replies

Iwanttobeamillionaire · 20/02/2009 21:10

My husband will be deployed to Afghan in about 6 months, it will be his 2nd tour but I cant shift that horrible feeling.
A friend of ours was killed out there last month and this has made me a bit of a nervous wreck (picture crying snot bubbles and thats me).
Its hard to talk about it with dh as I am sure he has enough to cope with but it feels like a wall in front of me and i cant seem to get over it.
We have recently moved and none of the wives i have met have experienced an afghan tour so I feel it is best not to talk about how I feel, as I am fully aware they will have their own concerns. My usual crowd of friends from our last posting already have their husbands on a tour out there so it would be very selfish of me to voice my concerns to them!
I tried to talking to my parents but my dad is already beside himself with the thought of his son in law going back out there, i seemed to be supporting him!
Just though I would open this thread to find some like minded people or just somewhere for me to air my thoughts without burdening anyone too much.

OP posts:
HomeintheSun · 20/02/2009 21:28

Hi just saw your post, I wouldn't normally suggest it,because I'm not churchy but is there a pardre on camp you could talk to. You shouldn't have to go through this alone for fear of up setting someone. You can't keep your feelings to yourself bacause you'll make yourself ill by the end of a 6 month tour.

glucose · 20/02/2009 21:33

Hi Iwant my dh is there now. I am sorry you have lost a friend out there, and that you feel so worried.
I think you should try to talk to some of the wives who have not experienced a afgan tour yet -if you think this will help you. (I probably would not open the conversation with 'I am a nervous wreck!')
I imagine they will also need friends and support - you could start by suggesting some special days out during the tour, or chat about how you will be spending christmas without your DH. By doing this you are not burdening them, but building bridges with people who will probably feel very similar to you.
Find an excuse to give on of your old friends (whos husbands are there now) a call to catch up, if it was me I would be only to pleased to hear from you, we are all in the same boat at sometime or other.

Iwanttobeamillionaire · 20/02/2009 21:37

I did think of that but I am not churchy either, would be worried it would get back to the welfare too, or that I would look like i was on the verge of a breakdown!

I am normally very strong, and I cope well when he goes away but I think since the death of our friend it is a bit close for comfort.
It has made it seem all the more real, and now I can no longer pretend he is there to be friendly and chat to the locals.

Good old ross kemp for raising the profile, but I cant bring myself to watch anything like that, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

OP posts:
Iwanttobeamillionaire · 20/02/2009 21:40

I have phoned my old friends and i am in contact with them at least once a week.
I know that they will be there for me when my dh goes but at the moment I feel they need my support.
LOL at the conversation starter "Im a nervous wreck", I can hear the intake of breaths over the coffees lol!

OP posts:
glucose · 20/02/2009 21:41

Has dh got long to serve?

Iwanttobeamillionaire · 20/02/2009 21:44

He has 8 and a half years left (not that I am counting lol).

OP posts:
HomeintheSun · 20/02/2009 21:50

I'd imagine the pardre would be very supportive and descrete, but getting help from where ever shouldn't be something to worry about surely.

Iwanttobeamillionaire · 20/02/2009 21:58

No of course it shouldnt.

But without being morbid I keep having this dream/scenerio, you know, the dreaded knock at the door, that can reduce me to tears. Is it normal (I never had it on his first tour there but maybe I just wasnt as aware)?

They arent the sort of things I feel I can share just yet, but feel able to do it on here as I dont know any of you and we arent face to face.

Im sure it is just my trail of thought at the moment and when he finally deploys I will have adjusted yet again

OP posts:
glucose · 20/02/2009 21:58

8 1/2 - oh dear, does he really want to stay in?

Iwanttobeamillionaire · 21/02/2009 15:49

We have talked about him signing off,but he does actually enjoy his job, and so I cant really see him getting out.

I dont normally get like this at all, he has always been away alot since we have been together, and I actually enjoy the social side to army life. The kids are very well rounded, if not a little too confident with having to make new friends all the time lol!

Its just this time round the thought of him going is playing on my mind, at least once very day.

OP posts:
glucose · 21/02/2009 19:11

Well it is really good that he enjoys his job, great that you like the life style, and that your children like moving, these all really strong positive things.

I understand how difficult it can be to find someone to talk to. I have been really isolated at times.
I have a knock at the door dream sequence, it makes me feel awful just thinking this might happen.

Keep sharing, I am not sure I have the answer though

lydle3 · 23/02/2009 14:23

glucose, my DH is over there to, he has 10 weeks left today.

I worry all the time, but then find myself having a facination with all things afghan, like Ross Kemp, medics at war even combat chefs I know i shouldnt watch them, but want to at the same time.

We were very lucky that he had R&R over christmas, but this part has been the hardest for me.

He works from a FOB and has little/no contact.

That said he is my hero, it is part of his job and i dont allow negativity into my mind, i find is the only way to deal with things !!

hf128219 · 23/02/2009 17:28

It is not easy at all. My dh was in Afghan for 9 months - my whole pregnancy.

Talk to someone - I agree the Padre is a good idea. And you mustn't worry about people thinking you are on the verge of a breakdown - you're not. You're just human - and that's what the welfare/support system is for.

lydle3 · 24/02/2009 09:50

A 9 month tour hf128219, you deserve a medal of your own!!!
I will stop wingeing this second

Mercy2 · 25/02/2009 02:21

Hi there hunny,
I have posted very recently about what a pain in the rear my DH is. But that said, I am also dreading the day in just 4 weeks when he has to leave for Afghan.
This is his second tour since we married, and i genuinely feel it more this time that the last one!
I think i entered the last tour with a sense of ignorance, but this time i know how bad it'll be.
I've very recently approached our Padre, and i have to say i was really supprised at how helpful it has been. There's a lot of support out there, either other wives, or families office, or padre. I just needed to be brave and access it.
I really feel for you hunny, as I have felt like this for about the past 7-8months. It is the side of this life that i hate the most. Just know there are always people here to talk to as well.

M x x x

Insanity · 27/02/2009 16:50

(Iam the OP, just fancied a name change!)

It is reassuring to know that i am not the only person to feel like this when they have to go on tour.

I completely agree with Mercy,the last time he went out there i was completely ignorant of what was really going on out there,but now i am very much aware.

My husband will also be working from a FOB, so i will remember what Lydle has posted about the little contact they had and will not take it personally if he hasnt phoned for 2 weeks - also remembering to smile and bite my tongue when a wife (and there is always one!),mentions she speaks to her husband every day

May everyone who has a partner/friend/family member out there have a safe and speedy return, and for those who have someone going out on tour there, may those days drag slowly!

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