Army wife Rant.

[Mercy2]

Hi, I am totally new to this site but am greatful to find a section for us forces wives! Basically I am feelin like a single parent lately.

Hubby is a Cpl in the Army in training for deployment to Afghan in march. He has been away for so much time since our wee man was born last spring. we worked out and in the 9 months since our baby was born he has had a grand total of 6 weeks at home. ( this is split into broken up days here and there, the odd day working in camp here, and his xmas leave! He went away today and isn't home untill his pre-deploymemt leave. then its off to ~Afghanistan.
He'll miss his son's first birthday, and has already missed so much of him growing and developing.
I know that there are hundreds of women who are in the same boat as us, but i think i am just feeling a bit sorry for myself.
We've only been married 2yrs and 3 months and its already his 2nd tour in Afghan since then.

I can't bear to think of how I'll cope with him being away for so long now we hav a baby! Am i just being a muppet and moaning too much??

Sorry if this is a pointless rant.

Didn't want you to go unanswered. Only got a SDS in Army but he goes to Afghanistan in October apparently and I'm dreading it ( and I'm only the "wicked stepmum".
Can only imagine how you feel. Sorry no words of wisdom x

It is crap and you have to let off steam. My DH spent a lot of time away early on (in the 7 years before we married we never really lived together - he was always away at sea. then we had kids. He was away for all of pg of DS1 and all bar about 6 weeks of his first year. It wasn't great, but I kept myself busy and enjoyed the break from work.

Since then he has only been away for short periods (worst was 4 months), and it has been great. however he is in the RN and a bit too senior to get sent back to sea. 6 months in Afganistan is always possible though.

You and your DH need to work out how his career is going and whether you can cope with it. I am sure you can - as you say lots do - but you do need to get a life and friends for yourself, and possibly a job when you are ready for it.

Good luck. x

Feel free to rant away, I know I have done it often enough here!

Don't worry about feeling sorry for yourself either, life with the armed forces is not a whole heap of fun and can be difficult. Dh will only have 1 weeks leave this year and is being deployed for 7 months, can't wait until the end of 2009!

You are definately not being a muppet or moaning too much. My DP is not in the forces, but does work away on the rigs. The longest he has been away is 4 weeks, and I moaned and cried constantly. I couldn't cope if he was away for months at a time. I don't know what advice to give you,other than just have faith in yourself and your ability to cope when he is away.

You are allowed to moan! My dh spent 9 months in Afghan last year - the whole of my pregnancy!

It's tough sometimes just trying to keep life ticking over and fulfilling the role of mum and dad - and running the house, paying the bills etc etc.

Thanks for all your lovely replies,
I think i have found myself a great lifeline for getting me along through 2009!

Me and a friend hav decided to Brave the mums and tots group in the barracks, and if i am REALLY brave maybe the Wives committee meetings, . We'll see tho! lol.

Cheers again guys,

Big hugs x

My sympathies! I too have a DH in the forces (RN) and know what it is like- he was away in the Gulf for 9mths- most of my pregnancy with ds, when I had 2 toddlers to deal with too, and then had to go back when ds was 2wks old. It is pants! But you do eventually get into a routine and things chug along- then they come back and throw it all into disarray again! I found things like MN a Godsend for those nights when the kids were in bed and I hadn't had an adult conversation all day. Hope it works for you too!

lol mercy, it takes some getting used to...
dh went to NI four days after our wedding for 6 months, came back to be posted to Germany, I found out I was pregnant, and he deployed again 2 weeks later. nice of him to pop back to be a sperm donor though lol.

11 years later and somehow we've managed to have 3 children, and these days it's more a month here, a few weeks there sort of stuff. this is a really busy time for sure, but hopefully the next year will see a few changes and the deployments will start to spread out again.

mums and tots is normally fine once you've got your feet under the table. 'Wives' is something you either do or don't do - so enjoy making your mind up lol...

I understand how you feel, my DH was only home for 3 weeks last year. Somehow we managed to get pg with DS4 but DH will be deployed when I am 37 weeks so will miss the birth. I often feel like a single mum and have given up trying to explain to people that 'yes he has to go away again cos thats his job', or 'he didnt offer to be deployed and miss the birth of our son'. We have been told that DH will be deployed approx once a year for 4-6 months each time due to the number of experienced servicemen who have signed off. I try not to think about it too much, me and the kids get on with our lives as much as possible when he is away and its a bonus when he is around. He was in the army when we met so dont feel I can moan that much although I still need a bit of a rant every now and again!

Girls nights in, wine and crappy dvd's help get the week moving. Also invite other kids for tea and hopefully you'll get some invites back. Last time DH was away my friends, me and our kids used to go to Pizza Express for tea once in a while. Kid friendly, adult enough to be a nice meal for you and no cooking!
Your hubby's a corporal, try to befriend a nice officer's wife (they do exist ) and then you've got a babysitter swap for functions that you want to go to that prob won't clash!

It will fly by, but get on here for a moan as often as you can.

Much sympathy - it is hard but it will be fine. You're allowed to rant and vent, MN is great for that. FWIW I have no idea how I'll cope when we have our own children if he's deployed. Or should that be when, becuase it will happen. I find it hard enough at the moment.

yes frannikin is a total fraud on mumsnet, she just practically raises other people's children

Hiya, Thanks again,
Top notch idea about befriending an officers
wife!!!
~I hav to admit tho, OH doesn't get many
functions lately. I have only been to one
since i met him 4 years ago. there are loads
of sgts ones! but none for the poor old CPl's.

Hope all mamma'a and kiddies are well
Mercy xx

Army honey! He'll be Sgt soon enough! LOL, Still works well I think! Just walk upto random mum at toddler group dressed totally in Boden or Joules Only joking!!!!

my son got a joules polo top for his birthday ffs. i didn't even buy it!!! (and don't own any joules personally lol)

(it was just a joke 'hmm' btw - it's probably your best bet...)

I'm a nice officers wife As are all of my friends.

You are a font of all knowledge ladies,
I will be trotting off to our mums and
babies clinic run by the HV in the morning
so I am starting gently and I'll work myself
up to mum's and tots. LOL,.

Mercy x x