son joined navy

[deembee]

My son left for HMS Raliegh on Sunday and he is really struggling with homesickness. On phone every night in tears. Has not said he wants to come home just that he feels so sad and misses everyone. I know he can do it cos he is a really strong boy and gets along with people easily but i am finding it hard to make sure i say the right things. He is so young (16) and far away ( we live in North east and he is in devon). i find myself in floods of tears at least 2-3 times a day and then when he calls i just wnant to tell him to come home, instead i find myself telling him it will get easier and that i am so proud etc,etc. He is the only one in our family to join the forces and i never thought it would be this hard. Please reassure me that i am doing the right thing, sometimes i feel that i am pushing him but this was all his idea and all he ever wanted to do. Any navy out there that can reassure me and him that it will get easier and once he is through Raliegh things will change. He is coming home for xmas and am counting down the days.

It can be really hard...a lot of people find it difficult. I used to work at Raleigh (as a PSO officer - I interviewed the trainees for welfare reasons) and remember this problem well.

He has only been there a few days, and it won't be a picnic. Probably the first time he has been away from you and home...and 16 is young. If he is struggling, suggest he talks to the Padre. Yes they are "religious" people, but actually they are incredibly down to earth men and women and easy to talk to. While I am not religious, as a young officer I found them absolutely invaluable.

Christmas is not far away...in some ways it may come at the right time for your son...in other ways, it is bad timing as he will get reminded of the comforts of home and January will be harder.

I hope he sticks at it...it is a good life with many opportunities, particularly given the economic situation at the moment. If it is all too much and he is too young, maybe he should leave it and try again when he is more mature.

For wht it is worth, I really struggled with basic training...not the homesickness (I'd been a student and lived away and abroad), but at the advanced age of 23 I found the structure hard to deal with...but it doesn't last for ever, and going off to the Carribean on a ship some 6 months after joining was FANTASTIC!

Deembee - I was you in January. My son, then 17 joined the Army. We are in West Yorkshire and he was doing basic training in Winchester.

I don't know how different basic training is, but my son found the first half the hardest. He rang every night sometimes very emotional. I tried to be supportive and encouraging and at times I was hard. I did the "What did you expect? It's the Army. Now get a grip and finish what you started!" Then when he hung up I sat and cried. The hardest time for him was his 18th, which was bang in the middle of basic.

You will know when he is starting to enjoy it when the calls home become less frequent. I promise you this WILL happen!

I was so proud of him when he passed out. Always encourage him to finish his training. Many boys/men gave up on my son's course and regretted it.

You are doing exactly the right thing, encourage him, push him if he needs it. If this was his dream, don't let him give up. It was my son's dream from being a small boy and I look at him now and he has grown and matured into a fine young man. And, most importantly, he loves his life/career!

He'll get through it...but it is different. (It's also in Cornwall, not Devon!).

Those at Raleigh know what it's like because they've either done it themselves either at Raleigh, or Dartmouth. I know (as my little bro is on the staff there) that a very close eye is kept on the trainees, even if they don't realise it, to monitor for exactly this sort of thing.

He's only been there for 3 days...it would be the same wherever he moved to. Many Uni students feel the same for a couple of weeks.

My Dad joined at 16 at HMS Ganges in 1956, and Raleigh is a doddle compared to that, or so I'm told, and he left at 50. Both my husband and brother are in the RN; my dh will have clocked up 30 years come January, and my brother will have done 19 quite soon. They both love the life, and the benefits.

Tell him to keep on keeping on, and that it will get better. As much as anything else, he'll be learning about himself. One of my students did the same at 16, and hasn't looked back - he was a different lad when he came back to school to see me - he'd matured and could see what he could achieve if he worked.

He will survive - I think the "school" part is the hardest bit. You're thrust into a new social situation in a different place AND you have to fit into military life, you're under pressure to do well and there are all sorts of rules. It's difficult at any age.

FWIW my DP had is an officer in the French Navy and had to go to Brest (the equivalent of Dartmouth, I think?). I had exactly the same from him, except I am horrible and hard-hearted and just told him to get on with life while on the phone. Then I cried afterwards because half of me just wanted him to give up. I found it difficult to settle where I was because he was unhappy. He's still serving and loves his job. Just goes to show that things are very different once you're away from training!

My brother joined up this time 3 years ago, he was 16 too, he hated it and was very homesick. My mum wanted him to come home, but my Dad and i are ex Navy, so he felt under pressure to stay in. He came home for christmas, went back and put his notice in and left.

He is now 20 and is going back in early next year.

Don't really no what to say, as you'll just want him home i imagine. It will be a huge change for him and i think at this stage just reassure him you will be there for him whatever he decides.

oh bless i do feel for you i really do my daughter joined the navy when she was 16 for the wrong reasons to be honest she did it for her dad who passed away a sort while before as he,d did his full time in the navy
she was so for it at first then got really homesick it made her i'll she was crying when she called etc she wanted to come home to really badly she was 16 and i myself think that 16 is much much to young to join tbh anyway they let her out with the help of the royal naval chaplin and navy welfare !with the option to rejoin after she was 18 !! she decided it was not what she wanted so went back to collage then on the uni and granduated with masters she,s now living in london and working in the media in and is very happy to and now she a few months off 26 !!
i hope your son will settle it must be hard he,s on 16 bless him be proud of him whatever
i,m just down the road from hms raleleigh to
i live in plymouth which for me was luck
i just went across one day and picked he up she,s been in for nearly 2 and a half months and lost nearly 2 stone in weight !i,d did,nt even try to talk her into satying for me 16 was to young like said

I went to Raleigh in December (many moons ago!) and it was hell on earth. I had lived away from home for years when I went and still found it really hard - not homesick but just exhausting. It's bloody freezing there at this time of year, the pace is intense and the routine is just back breakingly hard. As well as having no privacy, no freedom, no time to yourself at all and being put under constant pressure.

But it DOES get easier. Having Christmas leave in the middle makes it harder as you get a taste of normality for a couple of weeks and then have to try and get back into it, but once you get past about week 5 it gets better.

Tell him as well that basic training is nothing like being in the real Navy, so don't give up now as things can only get better. And the friendships he makes are long and loyal!

Just like to say thanks to veryone who replied and say he has settled in okay now and is determined to see it through, going back after xmas was worse for me than him i think, anyway he is doing really well and fingers crossed he will pass out on Feb 20th. Cheers everone for your support and advice.

Well the latest is my son has just rang last night to tell me has has failed his Kit Muster again. This was his third time and now he will probably be backclassed. He has passed everything else with flying colours but has struggled with this all along. What makes it worse is that his class have just won the guard for the passing out parade and now he won't be with them. I go from wanting to ring his neck to wanting to punch the officers. We have already booked accom for the passing out next week etc and he has let himself down with damp socks and a mark on his collar. He finds out tomorrow what is going to happen. He has been told there is a chance he will get one last go but this doesn't happen very often. I have told him to fight for this last chance, he is really down. He said it's cos he'e in Fisguard division and other divisions are passing with Kit much worse that his, but i don't know whether to beleive him or not. Anyway rant over thanks for listening.

It happens to lots of people - but they know the standards. Perhaps they vary slightly between divisions - but I wouldn't think by very much! I hope he gets another chance and it all works out. Can you cancel the accomm?