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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Why am i not really missing my DH???

14 replies

didsnbump · 28/11/2008 19:15

Please some one tell me im not abnormall.

My DH is away, over half way through his 6 months. Before he came home on R&R i was missing him like mad. When he came back family had our son for a couple of days so i could meet him at Brize and we had a night away. It was the best time ever.
We then had an ok R&R nothing exciting as there was so many things needed sorting while he was home.
Now 3 weeks into him being away again and i can say im not that bothered.

I feel really pants about it, i feel that im weird to not be pineing for him.

Whats up with me???

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 28/11/2008 19:17

You're adjusting to it. Don't read too much into it. You have to adjust to it and not miss him so intensely. Normal.

ElenorRigby · 28/11/2008 19:23

Not much help but I would miss my other half after a day. Sorry

Original poster
didsnbump · 28/11/2008 19:26

I have to admit my DS is only 10 months and we have got ourselves into a nice little rountine, and i have found that im nice and busy most of the times.
Ive even found that when i go home to see family im bored as i dont have as much there to do to keep me occupied.

I am glad im not feeling sad and missing him all the time but i feel like there is something wrong to not miss him?

OP posts:
Original poster
didsnbump · 28/11/2008 19:29

I did for the first 11 weeks miss him like mad. I hated it and just wanted him home.

OP posts:
ItsNELLyChristmas · 28/11/2008 22:34

You have got used to him being away and you know that you can cope without him. WHen my dh is away (frequently; and he has just told me he is away Jan - oct apart from the odd week and weekend here and there ) of course I miss him, but I find I miss him the most when there is an unsavoury job that needs doing like cleaning the fish tank filter or taking out the bin bags in the dark and rain.

The rest of the time, I enjoy having the bed, the remote control and the laptop to myself and I find that when dh and I do communicate it is more meaningful as it is irregular.

Getitng on with things is the best way to cope; if we were snotty messes in the corner pining for our dh's, then nothing would get done

Forces Sweethearts should be renamed "making the best of a bum situation"

cheeset · 28/11/2008 22:46

I think you are getting used to it. Maybe when you actually see him standing in front of you, you will feel what you think you are missing? Make sense?

shoptilidrop · 29/11/2008 08:26

I dont miss my dh half as much as i used to. I guess im just very used to it now ( 10 years ) I do still miss him a bit, at times, but on the whole im fine. I think its been a lot better since having a child, i know i often felt a lot more lonely before i had her.

abba1772 · 29/11/2008 21:34

of course you miss him but you have a life to maintain for when he gets back home, with all the things you do you are keeping busy so it's taking your mind off him not being there

FourArms · 30/11/2008 08:17

I miss my DH most when something goes wrong, and I really need some help. Or when I'm doing something that would be so easy for two adults, but kills me emotionally and physically by myself. Silly things like ferrying cars to the garage for services..

I think it's good that you're getting on OK. He'll be home before you know it.

onthewarpath · 30/11/2008 10:35

Of course you are not abnormal. My DH is not in the forces but has to be away quite often for work. We do have to get on with things otherwise we would crumble. DCs are missing their dad like mad and if I was letting myself miss him openly, it would be a desaster.

You will have days like this were you feel bad for not missing him and at other times you will wish he was here right here right now. Normal rollocoaster (is that how you spell it?)of emotions in that situation.

I do not think it is that we do not miss them but sometime, when we need to be strong we feel "Oh it's ok , I can do actually really well without DH" and somehow we feel guilty about it. I don't think we should but we do. Women eh...

Original poster
didsnbump · 30/11/2008 19:29

Thanks everyone, it really helps to hear that im not just a heartless cow!!

I do feel like im coping really well, and that its only the weekends when friends have there hubbys around that i get lonely.

I cant wait for him to be home as i feel he is missing so much of our sons growing up as he is only 10 months, and so i can bath in peace and eat at a sensible time!!

OP posts:
hf128219 · 30/11/2008 19:39

There are lots of plus points when they are away.

No-one else to cook for

Full control of the remote control

No Police Camera Action/Cops with Cameras/Worlds Wildest Police Chases (in our house anyway!)

Nights out/weekends away with the girls

No-one asking for a foot rub/back massage/other type massages

Silence

The bed all to yourself

The feeling of being completely competent and coping

onthewarpath · 30/11/2008 19:45

hf128219 I agree, exept for "the bed all to yourself" When DH is away, I NEED my 4DCS to stay with me at night, it has become a tradition, no matter how uncomfortable it does sometimes get!

HomeintheSun · 30/11/2008 20:01

didsnbump I felt the same way as you this time last year. DH was away Sep - Jan, DS was 9 months and kept me so busy I didn't have time to sit and think about all the things I missed about DH.
DH missed DS first steps, first four teeth coming through,his first birthday and because I'd spent so long teaching DS to say Dad so he could say it to DH on the phone he thought I was Dad.
You're doing a fantastic job, don't be so hard on yourself.

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