my husband has been having an affair with a colleague. Will he be in trouble if he is her superior rank?

[SandyChick]

He is a PO in Navy she is in RAF. not sure in her rank, S...comething i think but its definately a lower rank than him.

Hi SandyChick, sorry to hear about you and your dh,

I an not sure whether rank comes into it, but the fact he has been having an affair (or "illegal fratinisation" as they call it in the military) is a serious black mark against both their careers.

I hope everything is ok

Hi sandychick not sure about the answer but thought would say hi as my h had an affair at work, hes a marine, she was army. I asked similar on this thread hope you are ok x

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Hi Sandy, really sorry to hear about this. Affairs are taken very seriously in the forces. They will both have some explaining to do, could be very messy if they work together.

I think she may be SAC. She is married too. Both sides have pre school children. Im not sure what to do. On one hand i want to believe him (bury my head in the sand) and just carry on because its the easierst thing to do and i love him so much. dont think im ready to admit that its over.

I saw texts they have been sending. She said she had been thinking of him today. he replied lilewise but whats new, She replied miss you x, he replied i miss you, lots. it sucks being us. wish we were back in ***

He denies the affair, so does she. He says they are just really close and he cares for her as a friend.

He works with this person everyday and will be in his current jobe for a good few years yet. I dont think i can handle knowing they are together everyday.

Even when i found out about the affair my h continued to lie. Think in some misguided way he was trying to protect me from further hurt, and himself from further rows!

Really feel for you,i remember the heartbreak i felt when it all came out, BUT.. listen to him and what he has to say, what does he want and what do you want? you may be able to get through this.

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Go and talk to the Padre or Welfare Officer for some support and guidance. Thinking of you

sad for you but sadly he or she will only ge a telling off

Hi Sandychick, I have just left the army after 8 years, your other half could only really get in trouble if her were her reporting officer or was over seeing her work in some capacity and it was seen that she was being favoured before others, you could put in a complaint to the commanding officer of the Unit. However, I have seen many relationships break up in the military and there are rarely any winners, I have seen many people start rumours just to be spiteful, I dont know where your posted but your other half or the SAC could be posted away to allow the dust to settle or deployed depending on role within forces. You could always ask you other half to put in for a different draft if he wants to save your marriage?

My friends mother had an affair with someone a much higher rank that herself and she ended up being edged out but nothing happened to him tbh.. i think he missed out on a promo.. but they got divorced and are married now.. but like i said.. she was made to leave i think..

SAC = Senior Air something

it is not an officer roll. DH was this and has been promoted twice to Corporal now.

I would say that he needs to admit the affair, and commit to you, or decide what he wants to do. From that text there really isn't much doubt is there? If I were you I would need his honesty.

So sorry you are going through this

How are you doing Sandychick?

Hi BennyAndJoon. Im Ok, thanks for asking.

DH is still not admitting anything, maybe there's nothing to admit? I dont know anymore... We've been over and over it but i just cant get those messages out of nmy head.

We love each other and want to work things out but i think i know in my gut that there's more to their relationship or has been something more than he's telling me.

He works with her everyday and i find that really hard. I think if i knew he would never see her or have contact with her again then it would make things easier.

Thanks for your messages.

He is in the final few months of a language course so its not that easy when it comes to a new posting. There is another place he could continue the language buut it is 5 hours away from home instead of 4 and it will cost a fortune to get back (currently doing a car share). I know if i want him to not see her everyday then it can be done but its going to make things so much harder on us as a family that im worried it will make things worse

His next post after his course is probably going to be the same place as this other person too. Again the posting would have been ideal (2 hours from home) but im not sure what the options would be if he was to ask for something else. I fear it may be a sea draft, we'll have to see what drafty says

I had thought about speaking to padre but as DH hasnt admitted anything i feel silly, what if there's nothing to admit and im making a big deal out of it?

At the moment because this is seen to be me just being paranoid there's not alot 'work' can do. If he had admitted something or there was proof then mayabe more could be done. DH's boss has said he's seen this loads of times - wives getting jealous of their husbands relationships with female colleagues

Sorry to hear about you and your DH.

As long as she doesn't work for him/vice versa there will be no issue. The RN and RAF are v different from Army on attitude to affairs...i.e. they happen so lets get on with life. As long as it does not impact on his job, the Navy doesn't really take to do with it. As for black marks...that DOES NOT HAPPEN. You are reported on your ability to do your job and your ability to carry out the job at the next higher rank/rate...nothing from your private life enters into it.