I must have 'doormat' written on my head......

[MuchLessTiredNow]

New American neighbour asked me to put her kids on the school bus tomorrow so she and her DH can go to the PX for the day (3 hours each way). sure, no worries. Then she came around today to say she was dropping them off at 7 am, could I give them breakfast, and they would be back at 7 pm and so could I have them until then, and by the way, could I take her DD to gymnastics at 5 pm and pick her up afterwards. ( I have 3 children under 5 of my own btw) When I said @Oh, a bit more than I thought I was agreeing to, could you get me a couple of things from the PX then?' she said 'Oh, well I don't normally for the Brits, or I get inundated, well maybe if it's only a few things' so - who wants to walk over me next!!!!!!!!!

i wouldn't answer the door

Crikey! You seem to be stuck with it, but make sure she does get you something nice from the PX!

Twelve hours of looking after the children of someone you hardly know (even if they do go to school for some of it) is above and beyond the call of duty. If she ever asks again you would be entitled to say no - at the very least you need to set some clear limits.

yes, I know - DH said 'that'll learn ya'..... God, I'm a mug. Thing that shocks me though, is that I would never do that! as a Forces' wife, I try to save that kind of request for when one of the Dcs is hospitalised and Dh is on tour.....

You are too kind. And they are pushy.

At least you'll know next time, and be forewarned. Definitely get your order in, insist upon it.

mmm- maybe I'll insist on a 3 l box of merlot too.... bloody yanks......

I'm not a forces' wife but I think even on civvy street that sort of request/assumption is very cheeky!

I'd lay it on thick in the morning about how difficult all the to-ing and fro-ing is going to be and be very clear about what you want from the PX. And look for opportunities to ask a favour back.

I know, you're right - I just find it so hard to be firm - must be all the coconut matting.....

Joking aside, I know it is my own fault but I am still a bit , which is prob why I didn't say no in the first place.

Well, I'm saying these things because I was repeatedly taken for a mug like that by someone I met at mother and baby group. Looking after her child for a 'couple of hours' then turned out to mean a 7am drop-off and pick-up after lunch. That was when I resolved to toughen up!

Good luck!

how did you do it?

Well, that's the thing.

It suddenly dawned on me that this friendship was very one-sided. I had had her child so often (including overnight) but she had never returned the favour. So I became less available - if she asked me to have her child at a time when I was busy, I said no and didn't rearrange things to make myself available (as I used to). I think I was too willing to help. I don't hear from her now. They moved to another town and so, I guess, my usefulness as a babysitter ended.

Sorry. That sounds like a depressing story but for me it isn't. The experience made me wise up!

Cheeky cow! Even if it is 3 hours each way, why does she need you to babysit for 12 hours? Surely they could go at 7, be there for 10, shop for a couple of hours, and still be back for 3pm?

If she even dares to give you the bill for whatever you ask her to get, I'd be

Good on you Little Lapin, Ram It is right!

If I were you, I'd say, ok for the basics, but the gymnastics drop off is a step too far given your responsibilities for your DCs. And as others suggest, become less available. she is taking the mickey. Her response re bringing a coupld of things back from the PX is rude.

def tell her you can't do the gymnastics. Missing 1 week won't kill her.
Really, bung on a dvd and close the door and don' do a thing more. Taking her to gymnastocs is just too much. How many kids has she got? more than 1, so you're expected to schlep at least 5 kids there and back.

nonononono.

I'd be mightily pissed off, especially as she was so tight about getting you something from the PX (what is a PX btw?)

PX stands for Post Exchange. It is a US Army base retail store where you can buy lots of lovely American things without the hike in prices for shipping. You can only use it if you're eligible to get onto the base though.

I think Foxtrot Oscar fits the bill as well...and no goodies from the PX = no babysitting!

to be honest, I would refuse now - she's a new neighbour, so not even your best mate or anything, she asked a favour, then dramatically moved the goal posts, she's asked a huge amount from you, then she gets funny with you for asking for a relatively small thing in return. I'd say something's come up and you can't do it. either she or her dh can still go on their own if it's so urgent. Her taking the mick will only make you feel very resentful, and not just for the duration of the babysitting