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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Cant cope with being left alone!

26 replies

didsnbump · 01/06/2008 12:51

I have lived in germany for nearly 3 years. Fortunalty i have only had to cope with a 3 month tour in that time, but with working and a social life i coped fine.
Now i have a 5 month old son and no close friends here anymore and hubby is off to afgan in 10 weeks!

He has had a few weeks away in the run up training wise and i hate it. I cant cope being alone all day and all night. Im doing my best to think of ways to be able to move home but just cant think of anything.
How the hell am i going to manage for 6 months!!!!

OP posts:
ambercat · 01/06/2008 13:16

Can you go and stay with family and friends for a couple of weeks at a time spread out over the 6 months he is away?

My ex is in the forces and i know how hard it can be. Before the kids started school i used to go and stay with mum til she started to drive me mad!!

Try and plan things for weekends as i find these are the hardest. Are you still in germany? there must be lots of wives in the same position, try to forge some friendships and support each other.

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 13:27

I can but its along drive by yourself with a young baby, and i have a cat, which fingers crossed there will always be someone 2 feed her, but i feel like im taking the piss if i do it to much!

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 01/06/2008 13:30

Where in Germany are you? We might be nearby.

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 13:31

Because i have been here so long now, i know alot of people, but those that i became really close to have left. i dont seem to be able to build the same kind of friendship with anyone else! Not for the want and trying though, which gets u down even more when nothing seems to stick!

OP posts:
Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 13:32

bielefeld

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 01/06/2008 13:37

Hey, we're moving to Bielefeld in a couple of months! You can take me out exploring if you like.

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 13:40

Do you know where your quarters is going to be yet??

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 01/06/2008 13:58

Near the barracks - I can't remember the name of it. Think it begins with a G

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 19:22

Scootergrrrl, what rank is u hubby (or yourself)??

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 01/06/2008 19:42

He's one of the grown-ups in his next job, I suppose, if you get my drift.
He'd kill me if I announced it on here!

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 19:55

I think i know where u are poss gonna be, not far from me!

OP posts:
nell12 · 01/06/2008 20:07

With regards to the cat... are there any chidren aged over 10 nearby?
My DS has had a very lucrative sideline on our patch feeding cats for the past few years.

Ask the families nearby, there is bound to be someone wanting a bit of extra pocket money whenever you go away.

Six months is a long time make yourself a list of all the good things about him being away (bed to yourself, being able to watch tv and films that dh would scoff at etc)
Do you know if DH is due to be posted on his return and to where? If he is, is there any chance of you moving there whilst he is away? It would keep you busy.

Scootergrrrl · 01/06/2008 20:15

I can always feed your cat when I get there

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 20:49

Cheers scootergrrl, may have to take u up on that at somepoint.

Nell12, funny u saying that as i was just talking to my mum about something along those lines. He isnt due posting, but has put in to be a mil training instuctor in the uk, which will happen hopefully a somepoint when he gets back. So was wondering if we could afford for me to rent in the uk for 8 months or more if needed until he gets the posting for that, and him go married unaccompanied! Would be great for me being back at home, but then its prob more hassle and costly then its worth if u know what i mean!

OP posts:
Romy7 · 01/06/2008 20:57

dids, do you get out to the baby groups etc? Good way to meet up with other mums with tinies whose oh are away... much sympathy to you, it's been a while since I was stuck on my own in germany with a newborn but there are ton of people in the same boat...

nell12 · 01/06/2008 20:58

It does sound expensive and that amount of hassle probably is not worth it.
By the sounds of it if dh gets the instructor job, he could end up anywhere and then you have the issue of settling in one place and then having to move again.

Try breaking the deployment up into 6 week periods. Perhaps you could try to get home at least twice during the deployment and you could organise for family to visit you (but stagger it so that you have visitors every few weeks!)

Dont forget, dh should (fingers crossed) get RnR half-way through.

Are there any other wives whose dh's are going away and you could meet up on Saturday mornings for coffee and chats, or take it in turns to host the kids for supper once a week.

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 21:04

Yeah i do get out to what groups they have, and know quiet alot of mums, just dont seem to be able to form any real friends with any of them.
There is one lass, we where due the same day, and gave birth the same day 2 days early, both having boys (very scary)! Unfortunatly they have been posted, but havent moved to far, i see her at mums and tots, but as she has an older daughter at school she is resricted time wise what she can do, plus the distance makes seeing her of an eveing a no no!

I think as ive been here so long, everyone has already formed their circles if you know what i mean. My circle doesnt have many in it anymore, and the ones that are still here, things drifted apart while i was pregnant (long story behind that one)!

OP posts:
Romy7 · 01/06/2008 21:21

volunteer to help out in the thrift shop?
organise mums n tots trips to the pool, the soft play? if your friend has an older dirl at school she might appreciate one morning a week in the pool, and a fab way to get the babies used to the water slow-time... (I know you won't get much use out of the soft play, but the coffee will be good and you won't be chasing a mover for a few months yet...)

have you got an nct group btw? (trying to remember who I know in b'feld and I only know one family who home-ed I think!)

hang out in the hive and read every leaflet they've got to get ideas - I bet they've got a few people who are starting to get a bit worried...

is dh going as part of a roulement or as a singleton? the rear party do sometimes make a bit of an effort to put more stuff on if it is a unit move...

like everyone else said though - book two flights back to the uk to stay with friends/ rellies at the 2 and 4 month point, and invite as many people over to enjoy the summer as you can think of...

then make sure you have renewed your broadband connection!

Original poster
didsnbump · 01/06/2008 22:26

I have managed to keep myself fairly busy on the weeks he has been away so far, but its just horrible when u go a few days having spoke to no one.
Before i had my son and worked dh being away was bliss, bed to my self, laying in all weekend, not having to cook if i couldnt be arsed, no mess around the house, enjoying the quiet time after a day chatting at work. But now there isnt any of that to enjoy!
I just find being stuck so far away from my family, and not having people who pop in to visit so hard!

OP posts:
Romy7 · 02/06/2008 09:20

I did a distance college course when I was in germany on my own with dd1 - at least I had something to focus on when there was no-one around to talk to - although I seem to have spent most of time avoiding coursework and feeling guilty about it... take up a new hobby or start a project this time? learn to patchwork or something? (make stuff you can sell at a coffee morning to pay for your flights home? )

It'll be horrible for the first week or two and then hopefully you'll get used to the idea. I normally cry solidly for about two days then sort myself out... bit easier now the kids are older as i haven't got time to fret - it is horrible when they're little and you're on your own.

Scootergrrrl · 02/06/2008 10:28

There will probably be an influx of new people in the summer too, and if you start going along to the baby groups and Homestart stuff in September, there'll be lots of new faces and you might click with someone there.

Original poster
didsnbump · 02/06/2008 12:12

Hopefully ur right scootergrrrl, It would be great to gain some good mates!

The hobbie things a good idea, just wouldnt know what the hell to do!

The only thing im hoping, is that as the little chap gets bigger and more active he will keep me run off my feet!

OP posts:
laura032004 · 02/06/2008 12:25

It does get easier when they're away solidly for a while. It takes a few days/weeks for you to settle into your new routine, and then you're sorted I think.

If you're worried about not meeting people or talking to people, then groups and stuff are the way to go. Could you host some sort of party - does anyone do usbourne books or similar?

Do you have someone to babysit for you if you go out at night?

Also, don't worry about asking for favours. I don't mind doing things like feeding cats for anybody - especially if they were by themselves like you are. What goes around comes around, and one day you'll be able to help them out.

Original poster
didsnbump · 02/06/2008 12:52

I hope it will get easier.
No unfortunatly i dont have anyone to baby sit, but then i dont have anyone to go out with so dont really matter lol!

OP posts:
Romy7 · 02/06/2008 13:35

I always got a dog every time he went away...
although next door ended up with two horses, a goat, chickens, two dogs, two snakes and a scorpion, so I suspect he went away more than my dh...

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