Husband wants to join RAF

[IslandMummy5]

Hi all,
My husband (37) has had an itch to join the forces since his teens. He’s never settled in a career and is now actively looking into joining the RAF as an officer.
We have a one year old and are very settled where we live - amazing friendship groups, both sets of parents 20 minutes down the road, I’m a nurse about to go back to work and love my job/team.
He started the process just after I found out I was pregnant but he would have had to leave for training when I was due and they essentially told him “tough luck, you come or you don’t”, so he didn’t.
But 18 months later the desire is still there.
I want to be supportive but have so many concerns. I’ve told him that I’d want to have another baby before he did sign up and leave for training and that I couldn’t leave and live on base with him. 10 years ago and pre baby I would have done. But we have an amazing life here and I’m not prepared to give that up.
I guess I’m wondering whether it’s possible to stay at home and maintain a relationship? Do you get any say in where you’re based? We live as south as you can get so wondering if he could possibly be based near enough to come home at the weekends?
Any advice/experince/words of wisdom greatly appreciated!

So did he not actually complete the application process?

You can stay at home for sure but he will need to be based at the RAF station and then travel back to see you. From my experience of the raf he’ll be posted to a new location every 3-5 years, mainly in the uk (stations all over) or abroad. He can put preference for counties closer to home but he’ll need to go where the jobs sends him. If his role is linked to a squadron he may need to regularly be away for a month at a time.

what about being a reservist? Gets to join but wouldn’t have to deploy?

@TheAutumnCrow he was about 8 months in to the application process and when he realised he’d potentially have to miss the birth of our first child for training he withdrew his application. I think his parents reaction to it (not at all supportive) put him off as well.

He would've better joining the Reserves rather than joining at an age when most are looking at "retiring".

I've done several years as the girlfriend/fiancee with the distance relationship ship, 12 years following him around the world, and 4 years of Unaccompanied with him coming home at weekends. And now counting down the months to him moving home (as his next posting is only 20 miles from our home) then retiring in two years .

I couldn't be starting all that now in my late 30s!

I think it would be worth you joining a Forces partners type FB group to ask on there what it's like , esp for new recruits.

He will have to deploy for months at a time , could you / would you want to cope with that?

I think he's about 20 years too late. If he's had the itch since a teenager, why didn't he do it then? If he'd wanted to that much surely he would have?

@TheNightingalesStarling unfortunately there’s no RAF reserve reg on the island we live on but I think he’s going to sign up for the army one for the time being and I guess I just have to hope that he finds that fulfilling enough.
It really does feel like the timing is wrong - we’ve just started our family, want to have another baby and are very settled. But I think he feels like the clock is ticking on his opportunity to do it.
Are most of the more UK based roles typically Monday - Friday? I know nothing is guaranteed of course but the roles he’s looking at have less likelihood of deployment/overseas work (but that could be very wrong info!)

@Pootles34 he feels this deeply. His main passion in life is music and was pursuing a career in that for about 15 years. Was touring a lot in bands and eventually made enough money to live on before some tragic events unfolded and it all came to an end. He’s closed the door on that chapter now but wishes he’d just gone straight into the forces as a young man. His parents have never been supportive of that ambition (I remember about 8 years ago he started talking about signing up and his mum cried hysterically for hours) and while I have always said I’d support him I perhaps wasn’t as encouraging as I should have been.
My understanding is that was the RAF the upper age limit is 47. Is there a reason you think he’s “too late”?

There's no typical job in the Forces, it really all depends exactly what he's doing. DH is mostly Mon-Fri (in the office)but he's also travelling a lot.