Have been a cow but please don't judge.......?!

[JammyK]

I have done an awful thing. Dh has been away on detatchment since end of Jan and I have cheated on him. I'm sure I'm not the first to ever do this but I feel sick just thinking about how I'm going to face him in 3wks when he gets home.

The person I cheated with is his Corporal. I know I'm a total bitch! Have never done this sort of thing before, I swear. Was finding it really hard without dh and his Corporal, who is single by the way, was there for me. One thing lead to another and I regretted it the second it was over. It only happened once. He wanted it to continue but I refused. He's being really horrible now saying he'll make snide comments about it to my dh and things like that, then say 'oh I'm only joking!'. He said he can make things very difficult for me unless we continue this affair!!

Would he get in trouble if it does get out? Should I just come clean and tell dh whats happened? I'm sure he'll leave me but I know its my own fault!

I'm dreading some of your responses. I need some good advice please because this whole situation is such a mess.

I think it's unlikely he'll want your dh to know either. DOes anyone else know? I'd be tempted to say nothing at all. Hugs to you.

I would tell dh i think as it's better coming from you than him.

Tell him that if he mentions so much as a word to your DH you will make a complaint against him for taking advantage of you in a distressed state.

That'll shut the stoopid fuc*wit up!

I wouldn't mention it to DH - it is your guilt and you must live with it!

Oh Jammy K what a pickle you have got yourself into!

I don't know what to advise but the Cpl you stalk about could get into big trouble if/when (depending on what you decide) this comes out so the next time he tries to blackmail you maybe you should remind him of this!

Sorry TALK not stalk

Is the Cpl your DH's boss?

He would get into trouble if it all came into the open, esp if you were upset about your DH being away, and he should have been supporting you.

If it was just a one-off, I'd go with saying nothing, and making sure it doesn't happen again.

I agree with soapbox. This guy would be mad to say anything, as he is clearly in the wrong both morally and professionally.

I also agree that you should say nothing. You will have to live with the guilt and that is a huge punishment. Telling your DH would make you feel better and him feel worse.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic - I really feel for you and hope you can find a way to put this behind you and move on. Sometimes these things can make us appreciate our partners more than ever, so maybe some good will come out of it for you. I do hope so.

He will not say anything for one simple reason. The forces take an exceptionally dim view of people having affairs 'in house'

In my experience the fastest way to get posted is to have a relationship with someone else's partner.

What do you want to happen next?

Do you have someone in RL (but not on the base who knows your situation) that you can talk to?

Yeh I absolutely know that already.

The reason it happened I think is because ds2 was in hospital for 2 nights as he had a really bad virus. The Cpl was really great then and supportive, he visited and even looked after ds1 for a few hours on one of the days. But dh just didn't seem at all concerned and we had a big fall out about it. He's apologised for it since but the fact that I had to deal with that on my own and dh was of no support was why I was so upset.

Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it. I thought he'd probably get in serious trouble if his seniors found out. I actually bumped into him y'day and he was quite pleasant, didn't say anything untoward like he has been doing. Perhaps he's realised he'll get in trouble or he doesn't think I'm worth it anymore. Oh I really hope so.

Thanks again to all of you. I was so nervous about posting this thread. I haven't been able to tell anyone about what's happened so it's been a relief to write it all down and get your advice.

xxx

littlelapin, I understand. I know if I was reading my post I would feel exactly the same.

There's no excuse for cheating. I think that because this has happened and has caused me so much guilt and regret, I can say for certain that I will never do anything like this again!!!

And hopefully this will make our realtionship stronger than ever, thanks motherofgirls.

I'm so hopeful that this situation is resolving now.

Thank you xxxx

Adultery is a court martial offence in the Army - if this Cpl tries to blackmail you again, mention this and AGAI action from the CO which should stop him in his tracks. Won't comment on the moral stuff as other people have already, but we all make mistakes, and if this makes your commitment stronger to your husband in the long run then that's good.

The Cpl will be in major shit with his CO if it comes out, could spell the end of his career if he is a 'flyer'. He should know this himself. Avoid him as much as you can and concentrate on yourself and your kids and find strategies to help you get through the rest of the tour. I would come clean with your husband, what if the Cpl tells someone and it gets out?