DP wants to leave the Navy......

[Eve34]

Ok anyone tell me this will be ok. He has been in since he was 17 - 8 years now and hasn't known anything else.
He hates being away from home - last deployment 8 weeks = £400 phone bill.
He is a hard work and I know he will turn his hand to anything but what? He has trained as a marine engineer how does that fit in the real world and is it going to match his salary with the RN?
I know we will manage and I am supporting him 100% but am a little worried it will be difficult to adjust. Any suggestions out there

Cheers

Eve

Hi eve

My dh is still in the military, but contemplating leaving in 3 or 4 years, so we will have this to face! I used to be and have left, so went through the transfer too.

There are no guarantees that he will match his salary, so best to prepare for the worse financial wise...this will serve you well even if he does get a great job!

He neds to make best use of all his resettlement allowances and enhanced learning credits. He is allowed a lot of money for retraining and needs to consider how he spends this to make him best qualified for job hunting. There are also seminars about how to update your cv etc

What about housing? Are you in quarters at the moment or do you own your own house?

Thank you for the response - we are in our own accommodation, so one less nightmare, I really think he should hang on in there a bit, ho loves it before our son came along, he just hates missing out on him growing up, I understand that must be hard but it is so secure for him. Then again it is not me that is looking at 6 plus months away from home is it.

If he is really unhappy, then maybe there is no alternative. There is an arguement to say that is more 'saleable' to private industry because he is still young and they think he will not be too stereotyped, if you see what I mean. I left at 32, having been in since 25 and had no problems getting a job, however I did a Masters qualification whilst I was serving to make sure my CV looked good. Perhaps he could stay in for another couple of years and study so he has additional qualifications when he leaves?

Eve, where are you? I assume Portsmouth way..?
I know a very good Careers Advisor who used to work for the MOD in resettlement.
I am in Hampshire, If you want to CAT me, I will pass along her details. (she works at a local college btw, so is FREE! )

Oh, meant to say..
My dh got out about 7 years ago. He had been in forces (for 6 years), his dad had, his grandad had...
So it really was all he'd known.
He re-trained, and he adjusted very well. He does miss some bits - the comaraderie, etc, but on the whole it has been very positive. He will be fine.

thank you for that pd, what is CAT? can e mail you?
That will be helpful, he is thinking of re training as ab electrician at the moment so we will see what happens, there is a small possibility they might just give him 28 day snotice as he is currently a long side due to poor health - has had knee op and isn't looking like he will be fit to return to sea but not pensionable as far as I understnad.

i have to say that this would be my worst nightmare at the moment (if dh said he was leaving the army) i love the fact that the job is so secure and i cant see anyway that he would get the same wage outside the forces. my own dh has been in for over his half way mark so we are now what is known as "pension prisoners" i am not sure if the navy works in the same way as the army but if he stayed in for his 12 years would he not at least get his half pension?

as you say though its not us who have to put up with being away from the children for months at a time, is he sure that this is what he really wants? so many of dh's friends have left that singed back on when they realise that the grass is nor greener.

you can email me at
[email protected]

just put "mumsnetter" or something in the subject, as I have been getting alot of strange phishing emails

KerryK - no he is determind to leave, I can understnad why, also concerned that I will have to asjust too, having him around all the time has it's pluses and minuses???

PD thank you for that will contact you.

Much appreicated guys feel a little reasured now

On the positive side, he is only 25 and it always looks good to have forces on cv. My Dh and I are both in and I would struggle to leave, however if he is miserable it will be hard for him to carry on in the navy.

On your point I would find it hard to live together full time (we do weekends only) - when he came back after 7 months we had 8 weeks together and i had to make some serious adjustments - but it all came right in the end. hope it all works out

eve, i have replied

Thank you ladies it is much appreciated. Sure it will all work out - will keep you posted.

Eve, just seen this as have been back in UK and not at home - is he an ME (SM)? If SM, then presumably nuclear....and could he get a job at one of the nuclear power stations? I know a DMEO who left boats, and had a long and lucrative contract at Sizewell.

Alternatively, if not SM could he get a job in one of the yards on the engineering side? The contractors in Devonport always seemed to do well.

Hey Eve, good to see you on here.

He has age on his side and if he can retrain before he leaves, using his resettlement time/money then he'll be fine.

Electrician is a good one esp as he is in marine eng. If you are staying local to here would help too, lots of opps, but not sure what it would be like up in Notts.

You coming camping? R would love to see J, boys in arms with all the girls about! We MUST sort out swimming soon too.

Big hugs, try not to worry.

Eve
Dh was in the Navy for 8 years - he left the year before I met him.
Life has worked out pretty well for him (of course it has - he met me!!!), but because he was only mid 20's when he left, he was young enough to put all the skills he had learned into practise.
TBH I think it is probably harder the longer you are in the forces, to get out and make a life outside.
He wouldn't have missed his Navy years for anything, but is glad he moved on when he did.
Good luck!

Eve if he is not fit to go back to sea would this not help him stay in - ie no long trips?

My ex was army of r 8 years before leaving as part of "Options fpr change" aka redundancy as Royal artillery officer he had few transferable skills (or at least not ones that most employers would accept). HE hated being out but then it wasn;t his choice and he was very happy in the army so he was unlikely to settle well. He did lots of bizarre retraining (deer farming course was one!) which I tried to talk him out of. HE did eventually settle down when he got a job with the INternational Red cross in Geneva.

Your DH sounds much more sensible - electrician sound much more practical than dere farming!!!

Kewcumber, I believe the Forces are 'cracking down' on people with long term medical problems who are not deployable. If there is no end in sight to their medical problem, some of them will be asked to leave, so he may not get the option.

DEER FARMING - how fabulous!

I left after 12 years in the RN and did a couple of bizarre retrains, international rescue, rnli, FCO etc and now I am a SAHM!

Life eh!

yes we were still together then - his big plan was for a deer farm in central france - NOT WITH ME SUGAR!!!!! HE sued to come home smelling of deer.

HE also did the obligatory TEFL course.

Am sure it will be ok,

BS - yes of course we are up for camping - fancy meeting you here

Thank you for the thought - dear farming sounds good, Think his DO is out to get him, or so he says I really don't understand it, he is worried he will just get kicked out and be out on a limb, but he is hard working and am sure it is going to work out.....it has to after all.