Lonely old mum

[Bluebell151]

Hi, I'm a long term military wife. I had absolutely no problems making friends while moving around before having DC(1&2).

We moved to our current base in lockdown, so other than working didn't go out at all. We have since welcomed DC(1&2). Since having DC2 I have been to soooooo many baby groups including all the groups/events run by the military.

But I have made no friends. I feel like I get on fine with the other mums. They seem to have friendship groups of 3-4 mums. But I never get invited to their playdates/coffee dates. I'm 'friends' with them all on social media so get bombarded with pictures of them all out having fun together, which is really starting to upset me.
I'm back at work (in healthcare) after having DC1. I'm late 30s (compared to them being mostly mid-late 20s). DH is wonderful and supportive. He has lots of friends and goes out a couple of times per week.

I wouldn't mind having no friends, but it breaks my heart that DC don't get invited to any playdates. They are good kids. I don't see how I can put myself 'out there' more than I already do by going to the groups. Do I just give up and get on with it as things are? Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you 😊

Is there anyone person you get on best with and chat the most to at these groups? If so I'd start off by asking them if they'd like to go for a coffee together at a play place with the kids one day. You need to become more than casual acquaintances so start with one person and see how that goes. They may say to you to come along to their next meet up with the rest of their friends.

Hi @Bluebell151 i live in London and i thought it was the norm that Mum's just keep it to hi bye at the baby groups. Until i was in the park and saw a group of about 10 Mum's with their babies having a picnic, it was like a picture. I never looked into it but i think there has to be other types of outdoor get togethers for Mum's and kids. The only other thing you could do is invite yourself to the get together's the Mum's and kids have, kind of just ask 'i saw your posts on facebook, next time you guys are doing something let me know, i'd love to join'.
Hope the above helps xx

I know you are right, but so scary to ask another mum to go for coffee. Imagine they say no 😳 maybe being a recluse would be easier 🤔

What area are you in?

This is basic but have you tried suggesting to just one mum that your DC and theirs have a playdate/come to yours? It's easier than trying to join an established group sometimes.

Also there might be some friendly civvy groups locally, I know some towns mix better than others though. You will have to take small risks, if they say no, it's nothing to do with you,they might be really busy/knackered. Try someone else, you've nothing to lose.

Also ask DH to bring a couple of his friends over with their partners one night, do a beer and curry night or pizza night or whatever. People are always glad of someone else organising things.