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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

PUTTING LO IN NURSERY EVENTHOUGH IM A SAHM???? OK OR NOT????

20 replies

SandyChick · 31/01/2008 18:40

Hi all, DH is in Navy we live in MQ. Ds is 6 months. Im not going back to work as i want to be a SAHM but im struggling a bit. DH hasnt been away since i was pregnant, he's doing a course. Over the next 12 months he will go away but the longest wil be for 4 weeks.

We've been thinking about putting ds into a nursery for a day a week or maybe two mornings a week to give me a break but i feel so guilty and a bit lazy really. Does anyone else use childcare even though they dont work?

We live a 5 hour car trip from our family and most others i know here have babies of their own so dont have anyone to take lo of our hands to give us a break

OP posts:

CorrieDale · 31/01/2008 18:50

Why ever shouldn't you? I don't, but then I have family less than 10 mins away, so I have lots of support. If I didn't, and I could afford two mornings a week at nursery, then I'd probably do that. My children are gorgeous and I'd kill or die for them, but sometimes I just need to get my hair cut, or go to the hospital, or need somebody else to entertain one while I do something with the other. Nothing guilt-inducing or lazy about that.

andiemustlosehalfastonemore · 31/01/2008 18:52

sandy I am going to do exactly the same I have one at school and lo of 7 months and he is going to start nursery when he is 1 2 mornings a week
I don't feel bad about it and I think it is good for them to spend some time away from you

Cazott · 31/01/2008 18:54

Hi SandyChick - we put our first son into nursery for one day a week at 6 months and would really recommend it. I honestly think it helped prevent him becoming too clingy and his sociability skills. Also, they did so many art and crafts activities that I didn't feel that we had to constantly do them at home!
With your husband being away so much its also really important for you to have a bit of time for yourself...

scottishmummy · 31/01/2008 18:56

Your personal decision, based upon your preferences/needs -up to you.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

Wisteria · 31/01/2008 18:56

If you want to and can afford to then why not?

He will probably love it and you will be a far more relaxed (and consequently better) Mum for the break.

pointydog · 31/01/2008 19:04

If you're on your own for long periods of time with no chance of a break, why not. Much easier to start it when they're 6 months-ish rather than 9-12 months

pinkem · 31/01/2008 20:38

My ds goes to nursery on a tuesday and thursday morning for a couple of hours which gives me time to go horse riding one morning and swimming the other.

I decided to give it a month and if it didn't work for me or baby we didn't have to continue.

Ds loved nursery from the start, he gets to make new friends, alot of mess and doesn't have me telling him not to touch things all the time!!

Hopefully the nursery at our next posting will be just as good!

ConnorTraceptive · 31/01/2008 20:44

DS goes to nursery one day a week and has done since he was 9 months old. He gets a lot out of it and it gives me a chance to catch up on things.

CaptainUnderpants · 31/01/2008 20:45

I am not a 'forces sweetheart' but would say yes do it especailly if you are on your own and family are a far away.

No excuses needed but you do have a far better excuse than some SAHM in my area who use the time to keep their apperance up at the gym and do 'lunch ' !

Good luck to you

sal1309 · 31/01/2008 23:14

yes why not. my lo goes to nursery one morning a week and im a sahm. hopefully she will start going 2 mornings a week later on this year. it gives me a break and she really enjoys it.

sunnylabsmum · 02/02/2008 08:19

Yes I did it with DD who went for 1 day a week at the age of 6 months. Hb was around most of the time, and I initially felt a bit guilty but as I'm studying for my doctorate it was the only conceivable way I'd keep going. DD stayed on 1 day a week until she was 2. And from 1.5 we also had 2 mornings a week with a childminder who I thought was brill and DD did too.. At age 2 she went to Montessori for 3 afternoons a week and at age 3 moved to 2 days a week at the same montessori. We then moved overseas just as she started school, and i was terrified she would find it hard but she just slotted in to it just fine. I think there's rather too much pressure on SAHM to be the perfect mother.... I know that having DD in some childcare made me a better mother!! Good luck

sophiewd · 02/02/2008 08:50

Go for it, although busy in summer I could quite easily be a SAHM in winter but DD goes to nursery 3 mornings a week, I can then go and do proper swimming as opposed to going swimming with her, shopping, cleaning etc which leaves time that I do have with her is fun. She benefits as well and really enjoys the social side of it. Noticeable last weekend when we went to see 2 friends, 1 who's son went to nursery, 1 who didn't, DD and the one who went to nursery, played together, sharing, pushing each other, the one who didn't didn't have a clue what was going on.

Original poster

SandyChick · 02/02/2008 20:31

Thanks everyone for your replies. We've decided to put lo into a nursery 1 day a week and see what happens. Mainly because i want him to have other kids to play with. We've started going to a sing and sign class, he'd never been around so many other babies/kids and he was really unsure so i think it will do us both good. Now its just choosing the right nursery. Its a pain that there isnt one for babies on the camp as all the nursery's in our area charge for hols. When dh is away i usualy take to visit my parents so some months we wil be paying eventhough lo wont be atteding. Dh is going to look into the Sodexho voucher scheme which should help us.

OP posts:

VanillaPumpkin · 02/02/2008 20:47

When we were in Cyprus we all seemed to have children at the creche even though none of us were working . The health visitor sort of recommended it actually as we were all obviously away from friends and family support. Plus we could afford it over there with the LOA. Dd1 started at 10 mths and loved it. Now we are back in the UK I have just started dd2 aged 2.5 for two mornings at nursery. I will hope to get four sessions when she is three and funded but we can't afford any more at the moment. She loves it too and asks to go (I am obviously a very dull Mummy).
My friend is Army and in Germany now. She was in Cyprus with me and put her ds in Creche when I did dd1. She put her dd in creche too at a young age as her dh was away so much and she just didn't have any break.
She is still a SAHM like me.
It kept her sane and her dd loved it. Go for it.

laura032004 · 03/02/2008 20:58

DS1 has gone since 18m, but really I should have done it earlier for my own sanity. It just gives you a break, you might not need it some weeks, but other weeks you might be very thankful for it.

My only advice is that one day a week might not be the best way to go. Perhaps two mornings would be better. If you ask on the nursery board, you will get more advice about this, and there are lots of old threads about it I'm sure.

tori32 · 03/02/2008 21:12

I say go for it. I think as Laura said though, that 2 mornings would be better and he would probably settle in quicker. 6mths is better than later though because they are not so warey of strangers. Get to 9-12 mths and the clingyness escalates. I think it will do him good to mix with other children.

glucose · 03/02/2008 21:20

agree with vanilla, you are doing the right thing, for lots of reasons. Its not lazy at all if you were nearer home
your friends and family would be around to help out with childcare. Many forces children in Germany with SAHM go to creche and by the age if 3 they all go off on the school bus to nursery

kerryk · 03/02/2008 21:56

the nursery on the patch beside me takes children from 6 months, it used to be only forces families who used it but now civvis have realised how fantastic it is and they send there children as well.

we all need a break from time to time when we are on our own. i swear i would have cracked up if i did not get my couple of mornings a week to myself.

cheshirekitty · 06/02/2008 21:08

We had a posting in Australia, and I put dd into nursery. I did work for a while in Oz, but did have some time as a SAHM.

When you are miles away from family and hubby is away alot, sometimes having a free morning/afternoon away from the kids is a lifesaver.

PaulaYatesbiggestFan · 06/02/2008 21:10

i am pg and ds is about to start 1 day a week in daycare

i need to look after home etc and NEED this time - dont feel bad..

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