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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I cannot Believe what is happening

23 replies

WhoCanITrust · 11/12/2007 22:36

Dh is away on tour. On sat I went to a Christmas party and there was alady there who has PND and is v open about it. I have never mentioned I have it to to anyone and am being treated for it well. I was trying to empathise with her and was talking about my lowest days with her over a couple of drinks. The next thing I know she has told her DH who told my Dh's boss and now they are trying to get him back as she said I was a suicide risk.... what the f*!!!! I was talking historically and when i rang her today after DH had been hauled in she told me she didn't consider herself my friend and when I told her the trouble she had caused she said she didn't care.....

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luciemule · 12/12/2007 10:24

How weird and unfriendly of the other woman!
There was you trying to empathise and she did that.

Have you been able to talk to DH since it happened? Are they still on about bringing him back?

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 12/12/2007 21:42

He's been hauled in in front of everyone today - I have had all the welfare people here today and I was fighting for him to stay where he is - He's only got a month left. I think we are in the clear, but by god am I not going to trust anyone again.....

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luciemule · 13/12/2007 09:37

I know what you mean - I never really tell anyone anything unless I wouldn't mind it being 'passed on'. That's the thing about moving so often - you have to build up the trust thing again with people you don't know that well.

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 13/12/2007 16:33

It's got worse today - welfare officer came today and said that becuase of the nature of complaints social services have been called. DH is fuming.....

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TenLordsaLapin · 13/12/2007 16:45

WHAT!

I think the Welfare Officer and Social Services need to be talking to her, not you. All this is being done just on her bloody say-so? That's fucking ridiculous, what is she, the Brigadier's wife or something!

Just tell them you were being sympathetic towards her, but she has been overtly aggressive and you feel she is deliberately trying to cause trouble.

What a BITCH.

luciemule · 13/12/2007 17:53

I'm not sure I completely understand.
You told her you had pnd because she's very open about it and wanted to chat about it to you.

Then she told her DH (your DHs boss)who then tried to get your DH home.

Now - she's called social services to come round to you. Has she made stuff up about you or has she elaborated what you told her do you reckon?

In her mind, do you think she thinks she's trying to help?

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 13/12/2007 19:45

she has told them I am suicidal. They told me they have to investigate - just on her say so.

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luciemule · 13/12/2007 20:54

Poor you - and you were only being kind by empathising with her - silly woman!

christmasshoptilidrop · 14/12/2007 09:08

oh god thats terrible.
You can never trust anyone on a patch. I think most of us have probably learnt the hard way.

I cant believe they have to investigate on her say so though. Have you told them the whole story?

Scootergrrrl · 14/12/2007 09:11

Silly cow. She obviously desperate for attention and has sadly dragged you into all this. Is your DH with a regiment? Can you speak to anyone who will help fight your corner? (I'm thinking a big-mouthed officers' wife or something - that's not meant to be offensive as I am one of the aforementioned BMOW!)

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 14/12/2007 16:18

the saga goes on - apparently it is 'standard procedure' here in germany that the SIB come along with the social services too. Honestly, I want to torch her house. I am a BMOW too, and exploded at the welfare officer today and told him what I thought of him executing his 'duty of care' and pointed out that 5 months in this was the first time I had met him or any of his staff..... I have started to ask people to write me 'character references' with a view to helping me fight. I feel so flipping - esp I have always gone out of my way to help others.

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TenLordsaLapin · 14/12/2007 16:20

Keep fighting WCIT - hopefully they will see her for the bitchy troublemaker that she is. Good luck!

Scootergrrrl · 14/12/2007 18:57

Heaps of luck - I'm in Germany (JHQ) too if I can be of any help (point her out in the Naafi and I'll give her a thump )

purpleduck · 14/12/2007 19:29

post natal psychotic is more like it in her case

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 15/12/2007 13:42

and just to put the tine lid on it - she put a Christmas card through my door today. I felt like smearing it in the baby's nappy and sending it back

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VanillaPumpkin · 15/12/2007 13:55

Oh you poor thing. That is just awful. Wishing you all the best dealing with the outfall. What a prize bitch.

sarahkempy · 15/12/2007 23:26

I can totally empathise with you. I am an officers wife but do not live on camp. We use a hospice for our disabled daughter and some vindictive lying nurse made up some stories about me after an argument I had with her and they sent social services round! The stories were pretty serious - that I was going to leave my baby somewhere alone to die and i wish I had an abortion!

2 people from social services came who were friendly and told me not to worry about the allegations and have closed the file. I was really worried for 2 weeks before hand (the time it took them to respond to an alleged abandment!) and the house was cleaned from top to bottom. But they did not go anywhere apart from the lounge and the questions nothing other than I expected. Was really not too bad but still unhappy we had to go through that stress as I'm sure you are.

Any questions you have please contact me.

Good Luck!

sarahkempy · 15/12/2007 23:32

Forgot to say I didn't mention character references although I had some people willing to be some. It was not hard to be relaxed in the assesment which I know is very difficult to imagine but honestly it is not as bad as you are probably imagining. I wish I hadn't got so stressed over it. XXX

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 16/12/2007 15:49

thank you Sarah. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I saw DH's boss today who apologised and said he has realised I have been 'badly handled', but I still have to have the social worker here on Wednesday.

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TenLordsaLapin · 16/12/2007 15:52

I hope the senior officer is going to provide some representation, or a report, for you to show the Social Worker?

This is a DISGRACEFUL situation, but I know that they are bound to investigate anything. My sister had to go and see her senior officer because another female officer in her dept told him that she (my sister) was being sexually harassed. She wasn't, it was a friend teasing her and this other woman was out to make trouble. The SO knew damn well that was the case, but he HAD to investigate it.

I really hope this gets resolved soon.

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 16/12/2007 19:37

good point, ten, but I think DH wants it all to 'melt away' (he's close to his CR). I am so angry though I could barely contain myself when he apologised. It's the last thing I want, to go through all this while he is away, although a good friend has offered to come up and be with me on Wed.

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glucose · 17/12/2007 15:56

I am sorry this has happened to you. Agree with christmasshop - we have all learnt the hard way. It's very difficult to know who to trust.Places like Germany are big goldfish tank, everyone keeping an eye and trying to help.
If your dh has years to serve (probably has - as you mentioned you were an OW) buy a house in a non army place and make some civvi mates, keep away from his career.
I have wasted too many years of my life being screwed up by the army 'family'
My thoughts will be with you weds. Good luck.

Original poster

WhoCanITrust · 20/12/2007 21:29

Hi ladies - just a postscript to this - she carried on embellishing her story and among other things told social services I was an alcoholic..... Social Worker came today and thank God DSs were on ace form and charmed her socks off and after an hour she told me the case was closed.

Second Postscript - Luciemule, I have changed my name for this, but you know who I am and she is coming to a quarter near you in the summer. And, oh so co-incidentally, her Dh's new boss's wife is godmother to both my boys. I haven't done anything with that info, but have a nice glow inside thinking about it (don't worry - I really wwouldn't be nasty enough to tell them, but I might have a little sport mentioning our relationship to the nasty one.......)

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