pregnant and alone......

[rosebud1980]

Im nearly 8mths pregnant with my second child and my husband is away for the next 6wks. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and how your hormones affected you in combination with them being away.At the moment i dont have many feelings for my husband and feeling very unsure of our marriage.I m so tired at the moment and yet have a toddler to look after whos just constantly playing up becasue daddies away and i just cant deal with it. Im so tired in the evenings and really wish dh was here to put my son to bed, help with dishes and just give me a bit of TLC. My little one goes to pre-school and sees nana who helps me out when she can so i do get a break-but i feel like no one can really replace my husband like giving me that much needed hug or a back rub and just helping out and looking after you.

My husband rings me every day but all i can do is moan and to be honest i just want to relax im too tired to talk and just feel like he has no part of this. Ive just realised im completely on my own despite needing him and maybe by the time he does come home things may have changed and i may be that little bit stronger without him that i dont know if he fits in anymore. I just feel resentful and just feel i cant be with some one who's never here for me. Up until now ive never needed him i just get on with it-but now im sick of it. We should be bonding and experiecing this together but we are not.

he should be allowed back when you have the baby my ss dh was flown back from canada to wiltshire when my ss went into labour he then got 4weeks leave

Sorry, I don't have experience of this but wanted to tell you that I empathise...
I am exhausted looking after a toddler when DH works late so I can only imagine how it is for you, pregnant.
It must be really hard for him too, I am sure he would rather be with you. It will more than likely be an amazing experience when he returns, probably to his 2nd child, maybe try to focus on that. Feeling resentful is completely understandable maybe you can discuss that with him when he gets back?
Good luck
x

rosebud you are not alone with how you feel, i have 2 dd's and dh was away for 6 months of my first pregnancy and 5 months of my 2nd. there were so many points where i felt so distant from dh and that me and the babies had nothing to do with him. it will pass though, you are in this together.

where do you live just now? do you get a chance to get out the house everyday and meet friends? (this was the only thing that stopped me going totally insane)

if you dont have the energy to talk everynight ask dh to call every 2-3 nights, i am in this possition myself just now as dh is posted away and to tell you the truth sometimes talking to him every night is a chore

I would definitely second the NOT talking on the phone - DH would always ring in the witching hour before bed and the children would be yelling, I would be knackered and we would both feel even worse once the conversation was over.
Letters were a much better way of communicating - then you can think about what you want to say, reread the ones he sent whenever you want and there's all the fun of watching for the postman every morning!
Is your DS behaving any better for you?

Another one here who doesn't think that phone calls are all that good I always forget what I want to say, or the DS's are clambering all over me while I'm trying to talk / cook tea / load the dishwasher.....

Will he be able to come home when the baby is born? I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I really think you will be more grateful for his help then than at the moment.

In the meantime, is there anything else you can do to feel better in yourself? Perhaps arrange a treat for yourself every week if finances allow? A mum-to-be massage, pedicure, or even just a morning sat in a cafe reading a magazine.

Do everything that you can to make life with your toddler easier for you. So maybe ask your(?) mum to give him his tea, or watch him while you do a load of cooking so you don't need to bother preparing from fresh every night. Children are very resilient, and if you need to switch on cbeebies for a couple of hours so you can kick back and put your feet up, it won't do him any harm at all. I used to love going to soft play places in the daytime when heavily pg with DS2 - it was almost empty, so I could let DS1 run around and burn off some energy whilst I relaxed with a cup of tea.

Take care

hiya hes slightly behaving himself now and has settled in much better at pre-school so taking him there has been less of a chore.Bedtimes are a knightmare i find im so tired that i end up going to bed when ds does so obviously have no evening time alone and to top it off ds ends up sneaking into my bed after 5 mins. I havent got the energy or patience to keep putting him back in his bed last time it took over an hour.

Dh is getting depressed because im not talking on the phone i just email him now and then. I just cant cope with his feelings right now. He said he always looks forward to our phone call even though its not always a good one. But sometimes i end up saying horrible things which leads to a row so i cant win really.

I did get my hair done and am thinking of having a facial and wax whilst ds is at pre-school. So think the pampering idea is good

Hi there - I have been in exactly this position - ds was away for the last 4 months of my third pregnancy and we weren't sure if he would make it back for the birth. It is very normal (as normal as it is for us wives) to feel like this, and try just to see it in terms of the rest of the pregnancy. It is So SO hard to do the early days of your family in our position. I got through it by getting as much help with the house as I could afford, and palling up with as many friends as I could whose husbands were away too so that we could parent together. I found I could not get through without talking to him a lot, but I know everyone is different. Lots of love

Hi, im not really sure if i qualify to comment but im 27weeks pregnant with my first baby, my husband is off to Afgan in March and im due April. He will miss the birth and will be away for 6-7 months, the only time he will be allowed off is 2weeks r&r and who knows when that will be.

So i sort of know how you are feeling, i must admit im not coping too well myself with the idea of being alone, especially as i dont know anyone here, apart from the people i work with and they are old bids as i work in a care home.
Guess i will muddle through some how, just got to grin and bare it i guess.

Michelle xxx

Oh Michelle, you poor thing. That is bloody miserable . Is it your first child? Are you an Army wife. It is not fair is it? My friend is an Army wife (I am a RAF wife) and she had a hell of a time with her husband being away when she has two little ones and when he was back she wasn't sure she wanted him as she had had to cope and had done ok thank you very much. It must be so hard not to resent them. They are fine now but there is def a settling in time..

Hi yes its my first baby. My husband is in the Para's, we are based in Colchester.
I should be used to him going away as he spends at least 6months of every year away, but ths time with the baby on the way it makes it all the more harder. Guess we will muddle through! x

Sorry to butt in, but on the 'due in April thread' there is someone from Colchester, 01michy. Come and join us ...

Just because they go away a lot doesn't mean it is any easier though.
I recommend what sagitta said. Join the ante natal due in April thread.
My ante-natal buddies on here got me through my last pregancy and I wish I had had them for my first. It was a chance to whinge about my aches etc and compare chocolate consumption . It really helped esp when I was feeling lonely and missing family as I was posted overseas at the time.
Are you anywhere near your family? Take care anyway .