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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

husband being sent home after breaking down on deployment.....

21 replies

rosebud1980 · 11/10/2007 19:41

we had a big row the other night im 6mths pregnant and he's down the gulf on deployment so things came to a head.Our marriage is basically on the rocks. Any way he apparently broke down on ship which has ended in him being sent home but for some reason they are sending him for assessment at catterick and now im just really worried about where this will lead.

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LambethLil · 11/10/2007 19:58

Bumping, and hugs.

Eve34 · 11/10/2007 20:05

Oh no this is so difficult for both of you - just wnated to let you know you are not alone. I know the forces have very good family support network and I hope you have good family and friends around you - where are you?
My DP is in the navy and I find it hard some days but know it was going to be this way for the time being. I hope him returning home will help him get himself back on track ready for the new baby - look after yourself and get all teh support you can. Keep us posted Eve x

kerrykatona · 11/10/2007 22:38

just wanted to bump this for you, are you in catterick???

shindig · 11/10/2007 23:13

no real advice - just wanted to wish you well, it is so hard when they are away, even small things can become big issues.

Hopefully when he gets back to the UK you can start to sort things out. As Kerry says are you based near Catterick? Will you be able to speak to him soon?

rosebud1980 · 12/10/2007 10:11

no im down south-he has to go to portsmouth no think its to see a docter. Im just scared he isnt mentally ill or anything he's just under alot of stress and pressure and things have got to him. Im scared they might kick him out over this.

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littlelapin · 12/10/2007 10:15

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rosebud1980 · 12/10/2007 10:23

thankyou littlepin-i just feel helpless. I hope they are compassionate about this. Wev'e just both been so unhappy and i think the cruncher was when i said it would be better if we split up because we arent good for each other and then this happens.

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littlelapin · 12/10/2007 10:25

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Eve34 · 12/10/2007 11:17

Hi ya Rosebud I'm porsmoth too so if you want to chat am happy to meet up? or MSN me sometime. Stay stron the Navy will be supportive I promise when I was Pg I DP swapped from Subs to Ships as it was better for us he had a few hoops to jump through but they want him to stay in if not just because they have invested in him but he has been trained to do a job they won't want to loose him. It will be ok make the most of the time you have together and try to work it out together.

rosebud1980 · 12/10/2007 12:22

hiya know m navy im actually in plymouth. Think they are sending him to the nearest place to the airport in flies in to. At the moment hes having to be escorted everywhere because emotional state. Hes been so depressed with his job lately but i know he would never do anything stupid.

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littlelapin · 12/10/2007 12:57

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vnmum · 12/10/2007 13:04

hi, they will be sending him to catterick as it is one of the main psych wards the military has in uk i think. dont worry though. as other posters have said they will want to evaluate him to make sure he isnt trying it on. bad i know but some people do.

my DH is in the army and got diagnosed with depression just after i had our DS. he was suicidal and ended up staying in a psych hospital for 2 weeks. this was at the beginning of 06. he has been on ADs since then and was off work sick at home for nearly a year and then went back in to work gradually. although at first he wanted a medical discharge we were told it wouldnt be as easy as we thought to get one. he is now back in work as normal, still on ADs but he is looking forward to his future in the army, we are expected DD in dec and although its not been an easy year or so for us (i had PND too) we got through it.

from my experience it is unlikely they will want to get rid of him unless he is seriously suffering from PTSD or something. they mainly want to help the men get better and carry on with their career.

you could try phoning SSAFA helpline, the hive should have their number or even try to speak to a CPN from your stations med centre who will be able to explain the process abit better.

try and be strong for yourself as its important to look after you and the baby. it might sound harsh but you have to put yourselves first so you dont end up suffereing with all the pressure. the navy will be there to look after your DH and you will probably need someone to talk to while he is ill to help you aswell.

hope this has helped, i know what your going through having been there

SmartArseCoveredinCobwebs · 12/10/2007 13:04

Can I just say, that whilst I have the utmost admiration and am enormously grateful to our men (and indeed women) in the armed forces, particularly those fighting for their country in such frightening circumstances, I take my hat off to all you ladies who stay at home waiting for them, supporting them and looking after their families. You are amazing, strong women and I wish I had half your guts.

Rosebud, my very best wishes and I hope everything works out well for you.

vnmum · 12/10/2007 13:14

thanks smartarse, its nice to know that in this age of negative media etc that some of the general public understand and value what our OHs do and also give us wives a thought too

LoveMyGirls · 12/10/2007 13:22

I've always said I could never do it, it must be so hard to keep it all together and have all the worry and stress that army life brings on top of normal life and on top of having relationship probs. Hat's off to you ladies!!!

shindig · 12/10/2007 23:44

Hi rosebud just wanted to agree with everyone else - they will be supportive over this.

He has been sent home for help not because they are looking to get rid of him. I know it sounds strange but the forces can be very good at dealing with this and he is by no means the first to have to come home.

Would echo littlelapin & vnmum - make sure that you get support as well, the family can often be overlooked and you need help too. Not sure what sort of support Naval families get but phone SSAFA they may be able to help or at least put you in touch with someone local. Don't feel you are alone!

glucose · 14/10/2007 13:27

Hi there
i had a RN social worker when we were on a Tri service posting, and he was fantastic - I have no doubt you will get some help from
Naval Personal and Family services, they have an office in Portsmouth. There will be some sort of accomodation for you to stay in Catterick, and I would expect the NPFS to arrange transport for you to get up to Catterick to see your husband, and to support you throughout this.
Good luck

Loopymumsy · 17/10/2007 14:14

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rosebud1980 · 20/10/2007 10:46

just like to say hubby was flown straight home and given an initial assessment at our local naval base so was sent home after that much to my relief.He's been given two weeks compassionate leave and weve been given support from welfare to ease our anxieties and some of the problems affecting our marriage.I just wish we were given this type of help and support to begin with when we were asking. Thankyou for all of your replies and support xx

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Loopymumsy · 21/10/2007 20:44

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Yorky · 22/10/2007 14:32

I'm an RAF wife whose husband has recently been returned from Iraq, he didn't tell me till he got back that the medic had the pad in his hand to write a note to prevent him carrying weapons because of the state he was in. It was bad enough waiting to see what got off the plane at Brize Norton without knowing that. With any luck he will be allowed leave so you can have time together - you don't need extra stress at the moment. Good luck

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