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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

husband away around due date and no-one to look after ds....

9 replies

rosebud1980 · 25/09/2007 15:29

hi my husband is in the navy and due to go away to the gulf next week til feb. Im due to give birth 12th january and the navy will not allow o/h home until the 7th.Even though he will apparently be alongside in dubai.With my previous pregnancy i had pre-eclampsia and a traumatic bith ds came 3wks early we both ended up staying for 5 days after the delivery.My mum lives close by but she works she has taken a week off at xmas but has to work either side of that. I have no-one else to a)look after ds and b)support me in the delivery room no one id want any how. Im starting to get depression as im worrying about ds i refuse to leave him with a neighbour especially as he is upset as it is that his daddy keeps going away.I have visons of having to drag him to the hopsital with me as i was only in labour 2hrs last time so might not have tme to arrange childcare. How can i get him home? Other people seem to get their oh home at a drop of a hat.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 25/09/2007 15:31

Could your mum not take holiday leave to help out? Could she explain the circumstances to her work?

Original poster
rosebud1980 · 25/09/2007 15:34

its not fair that she sould use her holiday and they wouldnt give it to her anyway i doubt as its their busiest time of year.I just want my husband home.

OP posts:
Sunshine78 · 25/09/2007 15:38

Poor you please dont get depressed as then things will seem even worse and be harder to deal with. My friend who was in a similar situation to you with no one to look after her dd hired a childminder to have her while she was in hospital having her 2nd. I know how you feel about not wanting to leave them as he is already upset at daddy going but if you look into this option now or even a willing neighbour they have time to get used to each other and for you all to feel more comfortable with the situation. Have a word with your mw about who can support you in labour she may have some suggestions that haven't been thought of. I know all of this is a big deal to you but try to break it all down and take it one day at a time as problems often have a way of working themselves out. Sending you a big hug.

Shoshable · 25/09/2007 15:38

Contact your Welfare Officer, see if he can get DH home any earlier, also if you live onthe patch, thier is often a CM who will do emergancy childcare till a member of teh family can take over.

kerrykatona · 25/09/2007 15:42

sorry this possibly wont be any help to you but when i was pregnant with dd2 (already had dd1 20 months) dh was on a 6 month tour of iraq. he was due home 2 days before my due date but got held up and was not back untill 2 days after my due date

i was in the same possition as you, needed childcare for dd1 incase i did go into labour and had a good friend on stand-by to be my birthing partner, far from ideal but there was nothing else i could do.

i had a lovely neighbour who said she would take dd1 in day or night if needed and i took her round there a few times to get used to her incase i ever did need to drop her of and get to the hospital.

none of this is what i would of wanted, luckily for me dd2 held on until dh was home, fingers crossed your baby will do the same.

Scootergrrrl · 25/09/2007 15:43

Annoy the welfare office until they do something about it. It's really rubbish that they can't be more flexible.

Original poster
rosebud1980 · 25/09/2007 15:49

the thing i cant do that if it happens over the xmas period-i refuse to surely they will have to do something. My best friend is due around the same time and my other friends will be away for xmas so i cant call on anyone i trust. Ds is suffering from separation anxiety as result of his daddys comings and goings-i just couldnt leave with anyone else and im sure it would affect my labour experience as i wouldnt be able to relax. I dont care if i have to go through it myself dh has to look after ds i just need to know hes there for us.

OP posts:
saltire · 25/09/2007 15:55

Get on to welafre. I ended up really ill in my second pregnancy and DH was due to go away. We got onto SSAFFA and they deferred it for 6 months. I know it probably can't be done with the Navy but they may be able to intervene to get him to get home for a whi8le.
Where are you? There is bound to be a CM nearby who can help out.I got called on once to help out when someone went into hospital just until her parents arrived

mattysmummysyummy · 25/09/2007 21:53

Hi rosebud1980 where abouts are you ? I think there are a couple of things you could do, what I would say would depend on what job he does, what ship he is on and what his boss is like. I recently had to get DH home due to knock on from my c-section, welfare...useless....ships company...great and got him home, but not for long though. You have a little while yet so try and take your mind off it a bit and concentrate on your son who is here first, get him sorted and at least a back up of someone to have him then sort the DH situation as best you can, if it all fails you then know ds is fine, even if it isnt your ideal option. Keep your head up, youve got through it once so I am sure you are a strong lady, sending you lots of support

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