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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

posting ( or lack of) rant!

15 replies

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 08:13

hi,
just a bit of a rant really..... but if anyone has any advice of words of wisdom i would be greatful!

we were based in germany, last summer we were having a few probs and were offered a posting back to the uk to help. but then a tour came up so i moved back to the uk and dh went on a 9 month afgan tour.

We were promised that he would get a compassionate posting when he came back.

He came back end of march 07, came back to the uk for his post tour leave. When he got back to camp they said that seeing as the promotions board came out in aug and he was most likely to get promoted, could we hold of on the posting till then. Otherwise he may move, then have to move again after the board came out.

Neither of us were happy with this, but agreeded as it did seem to make more sense.

Board came out, got promotion! woo hoo! was told by rcmo just before summer leave that postings were lined up and he will be moving in a matter of weeks.

He went back to germany after leave, to be told he had been selected for instructors course. ( well done dh!) but they dont see the point of him being posted until after the course which is FEB!! He has JCCs in jan, then will be on the instructors then will be posted from then... which we all know can take 4 months. They have said there is no point him moveing now, then moving again in under a year. But to me there is a point! Im back in the uk and so is his 20mth daugher! a year may not be a long time to them, but its blody long to me!!!
Apparently the 2ic is trying to help me, but doesnt rate the chances of getting it changed, It seems everyone has forgotten the compasionate reasons in this.
And he has been in germany for 4.5 years. so its not like hes only just got there.
I dont know what to do, or who i can talk to.

Appolgies for the rant... im just sooo angry!

thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 08:56

ok, just spoke to 2ic, who said there was no way he would be moving, before courses... but dh will be home for xmas, which isnt far away.... no just dec, so like 3 months. He also said not to take it out on dh as he was an exercise coming up. FFS!

ive been a army wife for a long time, and put up with a lot of rubbish ( one year dh was away for 10 months! ) i just feel totally let down. I know wives and family come second but its just so crap. So basically by the time i will see dh again i will have spent a total of 11 weeks with him out of 18 months... hardly seems to be worth being married.

OP posts:

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 09:36

can noone help?????

OP posts:

AdmiralLapinWaivesTheRules · 19/09/2007 10:34

Sorry pesto, I don't know anything about the Army (am Navy wife) but just wanted to offer my sympathies - that is truly shit. And they wonder why they have a retention problem .

Can we do a chronology so we can get this straight -

Now - Dec: your DH in Germany
Christmas: leave
Jan - Feb: DH back in Germany
Feb - ?: DH on course - in Germany?

Could you move back out to Germany until his course is over? or is that not a option.

It's a tough one - I feel for you.

Notyummy · 19/09/2007 10:37

pesto this sucks. What does your dh think? Is he happy to go along with it or does he want to move?

I thought that there was a lot more emphasis placed on trying to get 'family time' because of the fact that so many are leaving at the moemnt because of the constant deployments.

Do you have a SSAFA social worker/key worker where you are? They might be able to chat your DH's commanding officers and negotiate something, as they are supposed to be there to support families.

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 10:44

thanks for replying... soryy to be so needy.

im just sat here so upset.

Now to end dec he is in germany.

Jan till mid feb he will be on courses in the uk, so i will get to see him 2 or 3 weekends.

then in he passes the course back to germany and wait for posting.... could be up to 4 months.

or if he fails back to germany to wait for positng.... 4 months again.

i cant really move back to germany right now.

Im not on a camp, i moved back to my home town so have no support in place.

Dh is upset too. he has been fighing for 2 weeks to get this sorted... but it seems that its not going to happen. ( as i was told by 2ic this morning.)

Im just upset as we were told he would be moving back to the uk back in march.. now it seems that it will be more june 08.... so by then we will have spent approx 14 weeks together since june 06. I do appreciate it comes with the job, ive been married for 10 years so im quite used to it. Normally i am ok.... but this is a bit much even for me.

again.. sorry to be so wingey.

OP posts:

AdmiralLapinWaivesTheRules · 19/09/2007 10:47

Whinge away, that's what this board is for!

Notyummy · 19/09/2007 10:50

I don't blame you at all for whinging. Will the army not let you move back to Germany, or is not practical because of other reasons...your job/house etc?

saltire · 19/09/2007 10:54

I would get SSAFFA involved

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 10:58

i cant really move, job and house... its not a mq, so would have to pay ourselves to move..... way to expensive.

There are also hardly any jobs in germany where we were based.... and no childcare. we cant really live on just dhs wages. It caused a lot of problems for us last time.... hence the move back to uk and comp posting that was offered.

saltire.... do you really think they would help... and how on earth do i go about contacting them... do i speak to uk or germany and will it not cause my dh more problems?

OP posts:

Notyummy · 19/09/2007 11:07

pesto

have a look at the ssafa website, and there should be links to the appropriate contact, or you could phone and they would tell you. They are pretty experienced with this sort of thing, and if you explain that you don't want to get dh in the dwang then they should be supportive. They may not be able to solve the problem, but may be to help, and are very unlikely to make things any worse than they are.

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 12:18

thank you
ive spoken to ssafa who were very helpful

They also put me in contact with AWS who will write a welfare report for us.

They agree that the unit are being unhelpful and that we need some help. They also said i sound very very fed up. ( which i am)

and that i should also speak to the pardre to get some support.

thank you all very much.

OP posts:

kerrykatona · 19/09/2007 12:20

please dont flame me here, perhaps i have picked your post up wrong but what exactly do you want to happen? is it just that you want your dh to move back to this country only to be sent back to germany again for his course?

i know its s**t when you dont see them for so long and i hate being apart from me dh as well but sometimes it needs to be done if they are to have any chance of moving up the ranks.

it seems that things changed when he came back from his tour and got promotion, did you not talk about this and maybe think that if you wanted him back in the uk he might have to pass on promotion.

sorry for what you are going through, its not a nice situation to be in and its even worse when there are little ones involved and the men miss out on so much at that age. my own dh is posted away from me just now i hate it and so do the kids but it was the only way he could get promoted so for the next little while we just have to get on with it

Notyummy · 19/09/2007 12:21

Glad that ssafa may be able to help you Pesto. Keep pushing them to keep on top of your case.

Original poster

pesto1 · 19/09/2007 12:28

thanks kerry.

i want him back in the uk, and the courses are on the uk.

We were having a lot of relationship problems last year. We have hardly seen each other since and it is impossible to work on things when you dont see each other.

We have been unable to pass on the promotion, dh has tried that.

OP posts:

Skyler · 19/09/2007 17:22

Gosh that is totally shit. Hope SSAFA can help. Padres are great with these things too. Sorry not much use but wanted you to know I feel for you. You are out of the loop in civvie street even if you have your family support. Gosh the services are so hypocritical sometimes, they pledge welfare welfare welfare and then pull something like this .

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