I just need to rant so apologies if you end up reading this.
A bit of context. I've been with my bf for 5 years. He lived abroad for the first three years so distance was never an issue. He's been in the army 8 years now. I left my permanent job to relocate back to where I grew up and picked up a temporary contract to tide me over with work. I fell pregnant at the start of this - BIG suprise! My temporary contract finished when I was 7 months pregnant so my daughter was 5 months when I went back to work - I had to apply for jobs just after giving birth and went for interviews when she was around 2 months. Luckily I found one pretty quick. I felt like there was quite a lot of pressure at the time to find a job as we'd recently bought a house and he couldn't support us on his wage and I'd already been off work for three months when I had my daughter.
So now I'm in full time work, teaching, so very demanding. Luckily my parents live close by and help with childcare a lot. I just get on with things because I have to. I feel like this has lead my boyfriend into thinking that childbirth/applying for jobs/starting a new job all whilst pregnant and having just bought our first house and with a newborn is a breeze. IT'S NOT! I don't think he appreciates how difficult it can be. We've been ok until the last few months. My daughter isn't the worst at sleeping, but isn't the best. I get a few good night's and a few bad. It's when she has those bad nights I want to scream at him. Sat there at 2am wishing more than anything to be asleep but with my 9 months old bouncing around acting like it's the middle of the afternoon after a shot of ice-cream. It's exhausting. Knowing I've got to be up and active at work the next day is really difficult.
To make things worse, he lives on a camp far away from home so he gets home very late on a Friday and leaves early on a Sunday. We don't even get a full weekend together.
My daughter's just spent a weekend with her grandparents because our childcare is away for a week. They've completely gone against my wishes with how I raise her and have created a whole new routine and have used controlled crying! I know this is controversial but I don't leave her to cry. I was very explicit when telling them that if she cried during the night to go and see to her. They've totally gone against this and I'm devastated.
I think this has just pushed me over the edge and I've turned into a psycho.
*We discussed our options when I found out I was pregnant and I chose to go through with it knowing the army comes first but lately I've lost my tolerance for this and I can't accept how this impacts on our lives at the moment.
*I feel like my boyfriend should have wanted to save better financially whilst I was pregnant to take the pressure off my maternity leave and the pressure of having to look for a job so soon after having her. I scrimped and saved ever last penny whilst I was pregnant to try and help during my maternity leave. But then I didnt ask him to so how would he know that's what I wanted, he's not a mind reader. I just wish he'd have had the initiative to save. And it's not to live off him, I've always had a job and paid my own way but with teaching you can only start roles at certain points in the year (unless you do random day to day supply) so I had to go back to work early otherwise we wouldn't have been able to pay the mortgage if I'd waited til the next window.
*I feel like he wants to rush back to work after the weekend - he probably does HA. I wish he made it feel like he wanted to spend every last second he could at home on a Sunday but he's happy to leave at 2pm. If it was me, I'd wait til the evening to leave so I miss the traffic. He never has much to do when he gets back. I'll admit I'm jealous of the free time he has on his own in those few hours on a Sunday evening. I don't get free time anymore. But it's those few hours he gets that I think about when my daughter's having one of those days after a long day at work and all I want more in the world is to sit down with a brew with no responsibilities but I can't because I'm either sterilising bottles or trying to get her to bed. And then I think he could actually set off later but it feels like he doesn't want to. He wants to get gone. (He probably does now I'm a mess).
*I chose to have my daughter. I knew that we couldn't afford our lifestyle on just one wage so I knew that I would have to go back to work with a baby so I should just wind my back in right?
*My daughter's never slept the best but the week before she went to stay at her grandparents she slept through the night three nights in a row (HEAVEN!!!!!) I've just found out that they've gone against my wishes and have left her to cry and completely changed her routine. The boyfriend's dad has since messaged to say that she needs to be stimulated and to meet lots of people during the day and this will help her sleep through. He put this in a family WhatsApp group that my boyfriend is in. I think that's COMPLETELY out of order. I don't think he was thinking about what he was saying but I always plan engaging activities for my daughter. She rarely sits around the house doing nothing and is always meeting new people. I think he's so rude implying that I don't do this. This is the thing that's pushed me over the edge and made me write this. THE FACT THAT MY BOYFRIEND DIDN'T DEFEND ME OR EVEN THINK TO. In my head, if I saw my parents make comments about my boyfriend's parenting style I'd defend him because I know he's a great dad who does the best for my daughter. But he didn't think to stand up for me when he saw those comments his dad made. It's upset me so much. I'm devastated.
It's all just a bit to much and I don't have many mum friends to talk to as I'm the first of my friends to have a child. I just wanted to get all that out.
I'll go back to being passive about how utterly shit it is with the army involved in your life.