So my dh & I have been having troubles on & off for awhile. We've been married 7 years and it's a second marriage for us both with dc from our first marriages. My dh has been sort of distant and almost like he has checked out of the marriage & family. He doesn't go out just comes in from work and sits in the computer until bedtime, often forgetting to eat. He's in the lounge with me but not really here if yswim. This has been driving me nuts for awhile and I keep saying please only play for an hour or two and then come and join us as a family but he gets moody and just goes on his phone to watch other people who are playing his beloved game.
So anyway it's blown up over the weekend and he has asked me to stop going on at him about it and I refused. We stopped talking and he asked if we should try couples counselling which I agreed to. He booked it them bought the forms home for us to fill out. On the form it asked what do we want from the counselling and I said I didn't know because if he's just going to carry on gaming whenever he had spare time then I don't want to be in this marriage. He got annoyed and said let's not bother then. It was then that I realised that maybe he needs the counselling. I decided to dig further and he eventually told me he hates his job. He's so bored by the fact there's no challenge anymore and he wants a new posting up north (we are down south) he knows I can't move up north it's impossible (2 dc with special needs who have finally just settled into a new school, it's only taken us 5 years! and my dm is in poor health) so he would be going unaccompanied back up north forever and I can't follow so where does that leave us??
He asked if I would want to keep the marriage going because he loves us and does want to do that but I just couldn't tolerate it and I'm pretty sure he knows that.
I said so everything now depends on whether or not he gets a promotion at the end of the month and he agrees. What the hell? So I'm just sort of sat here not knowing what on earth is going on. No friends to talk to about it and I can't talk to my mum because it'll worry her into an early grave. My eldest is in the middle of exams and I can't let anything upset her.
I'm beginning to think he has resented me the whole time we've been here and he wants to be back near his family and he misses his old job as a mech on fast jets and yes I understand that but if he goes then BOOM it all ends and he knows that too. I don't know what to do I'm so confused. I want us to stay together but I want it to go back to how it used to be were we would be together and chat about our days and do stuff together and he wants this too but he is so unhappy here and needs to go back up north.
Sorry this is so long and rambling. Well done if you managed to understand any of this.